Have you had this happen to you?????

Hello all!

I have a problem with my finacee, who thinks if I loose 100 pounds, I am going to go out all the time and leave him.  He says that when he met me I was chuncky and it didn't bother him (I have put on a few more pounds since then).

I believe he is comparing me with his x-wife, who weight a lot more than me and took it all of - really quick within a year (I think she had the surgery) and now all she does is go out - which she never did before. I have told him that I am not like her and that he shouldn't compare the two of us and that I was doing this for HEALTH reasons.

HELP - any imput will be helpfull

IMO, The most you can do is keep reassuring him. If you hold true to your word, then he will see that eventually.  When it all comes down to it, it's always a wonderful thing to have a spouses blessing with the surgery, but he's not the one who decides, you are. If he says he loves you, and thats pretty darn obvious to me that he does... he will realize this once you've lost the lbs. Good Luck 

the one thing that i will caution you about is you will have more energy, and if you are like me, you may become a more active person. i've run into problems with some of my "inactive" friends/family, in that they have continued in their inactive ways and i have not. so while they want to lay around and watch tv on a nice beautiful day - i would rather go out and ride a bike, or kayak, or whatever.  this has created tension among these friends and i would imagine, if i were running into these issues with a fiancee, that it could be very difficult to deal with. i've become a much more outgoing person, less afraid to be social with people - and yes, i do believe that this surgery does change who you are on the inside, just as much as it does on the outside. i've become more confident, more social, more interested in life - and i was never uninterested to begin with! i think your fiancee's concerns are completely legitimate; however, the end result falls in your court. if you are in love with him - and if things are meant to be - then this surgery will only make your love that much better. if your relationship isn't that strong now or if he's not the kind of person who'll love the new you [or the new you, love the old him], there's a chance that this surgery may divide the two of you into opposing camps.  i know that's not always what people want to hear - but it is definitely something that needs a lot of thought. best wishes! kristen

Kristen,    Ever consider becoming a therapist??