Exactly 3 weeks......21 days til surgery........NERVES SET IN!

Hi all: Spent the last 5 days moving into my new house in West Kingston. It's great. Just me and my doggie Oliver. He's 12 pounds of wannabe Rotweiler, but alas,.....he's just a wee guy (Maltese). He barks at birds, he barks at squirrels, he barks at the leaves blowing...oh and he barks at himself barking. LOL. I tell everyone I bought a big farmhouse for my dog. I've really been thinking about getting some alpaca's....maybe 2 or 3 to start with, til I get the hang of it. I'm a country girl from Oklahoma so I'll be at home with a bunch of animals. I LOVE animals. I can't wait to populate my land little by little. I would NEVER raise animals to slaughter though........they are all my babies. As most of you do not know, I have separated from my husband recently. That's the real reason for the house buying situation. We are still very much friends and see each other when we can...he calls often as he travels alot with his business. But I just needed to do some things for me and as some of you oldsters (old on the website...LOL) may remember, he wasn't too keen on this surgery. SOOOO.....I made this move. And it's ok. I'm gonna be OK! Yep...I am. We have never really fought in the 8 years we've been together and our deep committed friendship will always be there. But I lost a piece of me everytime I saw his eyes roll or whenever he made that "here we go again" face when I would bring up surgery. Surgery is not the sole reason for the separation, but it was a big factor. For years I've felt suffocated and unable to be ME. I needed to do this and he's really trying to be as understanding as his mind will allow him.......and he's definitely very loving and caring for me still............he's even going to make sure he's home from this trip he's on now, so he can be here for my surgery on 9/26. He knows I'm scared and he's still standing beside me. He always will. I can't ask for a better friend than that. So I talked my mom into retiring early (at 63, rather than 65). She can stay with me (and shouldn't get on my nerves too bad since the house is HUGE)...LOL. She's coming in from Oklahoma on 9/23 and will stay indefintely. I told her I would know by spring if she and I could really do this "living in the same house" thing and then we'll make a more permanent move for her. She's alone and there's only my brother and I to look after her and he's in and out of prison in Arizona most of the time.......so I need to look out for her and I know that she's really wanting to make up for the abuse I sustained as a child. So I'm going to let her come here and wait on me hand and foot til I feel better.....*smile*.....how bad am I? But it will be nice to have someone taking care of me for a change. I haven't had that since I left home at 16. I've never really been alone before either......always had kids or kids and husband......now it's just me. Kids grown and husband gone. I have to take a deep breath now and then and tell myself I can do this...but I've really been at peace with this decision and think it will only help me recover even faster, as I'm finding myself again. I now have 3 weeks to get my house in order (OMG)...if you could only see it. Boxes and stuff EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I just go in each room and sit there and just look at everything...I don't know where to start. But the move is over and now I can concentrate on this house rather than run back and forth between places. .....should be fun once I get a good running start. And it's less than 5 minutes from my job so that's a great benefit for me as well. Well I'm done rambling for now. Thought I would drop a line and let you all know I'm still kickin'. I'm excited.....and scared....but I'm thinking positively. I have things in order (just in case something happens to me)....but I'm thinking positively towards the future now. I've put my life, as far as surgery is concerned, in Dr. Royes hands. I trust him completely...I can say that with 100% certainty and honesty. I have no doubts in his ability or his heart. He cares for all of us that come to him. And I place the rest of my life in Gods hands...and I'm going to finish out my remaining years, thanks to God and Dr. Roye, happy and healthy. Thanks for listening. ALL MY BEST AND BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep me in your thoughts this month OH family. I need all of you very much.......... Shel

Wow Shel, I know you needed to vent all that out, Are you coming to the meeting tomorrow? I would really love to meet you. I live in North Narragansett, if you remember, and I can probably help you out if you need it after surgery (if your mom drives you a little nuts too!!!). Maybe just someone to answer questions, run to the store, etc. I don't know, just offering, Hugs to you, Elisa

Elisa..........that is very sweet. Thank you so much. I am really going to try to make it to the meeting tomorrow. It will be my last until November, I'd say. I don't think I'll be well enough in Oct. for the long drive. I do appreciate the offer though. I've been in a pow wow with some friends here at work about locating things like....well, food for one. Funny how I completely forgot to check out that kind of thing when finding my house....lol. Thank you for your kindness. I hope to see you tomorrow. Shel

Wow shel, u have been through a lot lately. I too have recently moved and I know what u mean about boxes everywhere. Hope u love the new house. It is very nice out there. I have 22 days left before sugery with DR.Ryder and I know what u mean about being scared and nervous. If u need to vent feel free, we are all here for u!!! Hugs, shannon

Shannon.............I know your surgery is the day after mine....I haven't forgotten about you at all. Is your teaching class on the 14th? I think she said it's from 8-11 or something like that. If you're there on that date, poke me. I have long blond curly hair. Can't miss me! I'm excited for both of us. How are you holding up? I can assume you're just as busy as I am after the move. Boy howdy, I really need to lay off the online shopping. LOL. Anyway.....BIG HUGS to you too. I'm nervous but I think I'm more excited than anything. I just can't wait to see the changes next springtime. 2007 is gonna be GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes, I LOVE the new house! I hope you're feeling the same way about yours. Love n Hugs, Shel

Shell- I will be in the teaching class on the 14th also.YYeeaahh, we will get to be in class together. my husband and I moved from a apartment to a townhouse and I love it because it is very quiet and I have a lot more space. I am glad to see that u are still upbeat considering everything u have been through. Keep up the good work and see u next week. Shannon

Shel, My friend, You always have me. I will be there for you too. I didn't know about you and your husband, I feel bad, I just started a new full time job and I don't get on here very often anymore. I'm a medical secretary for Narragansett Bay Ped's and its at South County hospital, so you moved and you are a little closer to me now. I will be at the meeting tonight, I really really hope you will be there. I can meet you somewhere if you want to ride together...let me know...I am home today and I will be looking on here to see if you want to meet and go together... Love ya, Teri

Hi honey.................I would LOVE to ride with you to the meeting. The Hummer is full of "crap" and my car has a backseat full of clothes. I look like a traveling gypsy whenever I go anywhere. So I went wandering last night in search of food for the new house.......I thought I went straight out of my driveway and into Richmond and the Hope Valley area to Stop N Shop...........well, somehow on the way back home, I got off the "straight" road (still don't know how I pulled that one off) and wound up in Charlestown and was getting scared cause it was getting dark. So I've already been lost once. LOL!!!!! I had to laugh at myself. What a dufus I am!! Anyway, I would love to catch a ride and chatter for a bit before the meeting. I know you've done fabulously and I want to see you. And I could use your "been there, done that" knowledge. I'm kinda scared, but like I said, I'm fully confident in Dr. Roye and know he's doing everything he can for me. I shouldn't say scared......I would say it's more like nervous excitement. Here's my cell......401-330-7689. Call me anytime today, we'll meet and go to the meeting tonight. I would really really really love that. How's Rose? I hope she's doing well. Do you like your new job? I hope you're enjoying it. We're so much closer now than when I lived in Warwick, so now I can grab you and we can go shopping or something. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU LATER....and everyone else. The people on here are so caring and wonderful. Love all my OH friends. Love ya girlfriend......see you later. CALL ME!!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shel

P.S.......... And I don't want anyone to feel bad for me regarding my husband. If anyone has read my profile and seen some of the things that I've been through, then I can tell you that being with Tommy for the last 8 years has been a true blessing. I would NOT change this for anything. Life changes and new things happen and he and I will absolutely ALWAYS care for each other and be there for one another. We are just like that with each other. There is not a drop of animosity or cruelty to this separation. NONE!!! We are just as caring for one another as we have ever been. However, changes like this can be emotionally draining and I do miss him very very much. I was always used to him traveling but now I know it's not that he's away on business.....but with that said, he is still one of my dearest friends and I thank God that I had the opportunity to experience something so wonderful in my lifetime. So if anything friends, feel glad for me. After all the ugliness in my lifetime, I found true love and deep caring. And that won't ever go away for either one of us. How rare is that? I'm OK!!! Really!!! Just another milestone in my life...........can't wait to see what's next for me. THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!! Just wanted to clear that up. HUGS!!! Shel

Teri! You've got a new job??! Congrats!!! I'm guessing this means you're not at the pet store 'round the corner anymore, huh? Well, I'm sure you're making better $$ at your new job. Not sure if I'm going to the meeting tonight or not, but if not, I'll see you next time! Oh, and how is Rose doing?? Tell I said hello! Trace