Went to the doctor yesterday! plus some NSV and some other thoughts...

The doc didn't recognized me!!!  He was looking in the chart to see what surgery I had, he didn't thought I had a bariatric surgery!  He asked me to show him some before pictures and he was amazed on how I changed...  So 20-30 pounds is what I need to lose now to be in the normal range he said. He also told me he just saw another man, who weighted 640 lbs, and is now 220, with the sleeve!! The doctor said he is still amazed of the good results of the sleeve!

So I went shopping after that, I was so happy. And for the first time in my life, I bought knee high boots! with some high heels! ( not too high, and not too thin, because I have never been able to walk with any kind of heels before!) but I was so happy! And I now fit in size 10, don't believe it, I was 26-28 in january!  I shopped so long that I didn't have time to go to the gym, but all this time spent in the dressrooms were a real exercise, trying all those different sizes... Still haven't found a good bra, that keeps all in it, without showing the loose skin of the underarm... even if I tried more than a dozen!

Today, went to my kid's football game. All the parents of the kids were there, and many parents come to tell me how good I look, and that they didn't recognized me, thought my husband had remarried!!!LOL  Everybody was kind, except one woman ( who is overweight) who said: everybody knows you had a surgery and didn't lose it all by yourself!) What a jealous b***h !!

I was happy with all that, but  very sad too, because some people I never knew last year, and never talked too, come to talk to me. They remembered me from last year... So it made me realized that everybody knew who I was last year, even if I didn't talk to them, because I was the " fat mother of the fat kid"...and surely wasn't an interesting woman to talk to... and now they  come talk to me... Like they were afraid that obesity was contagious!!!  I AM the same person,I have the same feelings, and will always be a fat woman inside... I was shocked to see that before, I never imagined I was so stigmatized... How the people judges by looks... 

I feel sad for my kid, who is very known at his school because he is the fattest boy , and I don't know how to help him... he says he is happy like that but I know it is not completely true...He is always hungry and I don't want him to start dieting at this age, and is too young for surgery... But he weights 330 pounds at 13 yo!  I am afraid of his future, health and everything... and afraid of being judged as a bad mother because I let him get this big... But I try to make him eat less and better, but you all know how it is...

I feel sad everytime I see an obese person on the street now, I want to tell them how the surgery could change their lives...

To all those who are waiting, you made the right decision, and hope you can all experience this new life soon... It's is so sad that we have to wait so long to have this surgery. When someone is suffering from an acute condition, they get their surgeries right away... But we obese are also suffering, but it is silent, so we have to wait...

Life is not only better after, but more important, people see you for what you are , and are not biaised by your weight. You can live a normal life and blend in the mass without being stigmatized... Well, maybe in a few years, because now I feel stigmatized as " the ex-fat lady who had a surgery" LOL

Sorry for the long rambling but I had to get it out...
Thanks!

Diane

Diane,

What you are saying is so true.

I understand how worried you must be about your son. My daughter is 9, we is not overweight but she is borderline. Her problem is that she likes food and we really have to watch her. When we serve something she really like, she could eat as much as my husband. I think that my new life will help her too as my cooking will become healthier than before. I also walk more than before and she joins me.

I was reading about a program at the YMCA for kids, Y Kids Fit that is offer in the Ottawa region. It is focus for kids who have weight issues, they work on the activity, nutrition and likestyle. It was develop with the Children Hospital of Eastearn Ontario. I don`t know if similar program exist at other YMCA but it looks very good. The only reason I did not register my daughter in it is because it is only offer in English in Ottawa and she is not bilingual.

You need to work with you son, he might say that he is happy but I am sure that deep down he is sad.

Nathaie

Thanks Nathalie, but he is a teenager, and he doesn't want to listen to his mother anymore !!...3 years ago, I went with him to energie cardio, they have a program for kids...He exercised and ate well, lose like 30 pounds, but gained it back. Younger, he had a doctor at St_Justine who followed him, that helped him eat well and exercise but he didn't lose any weight. Now he is active, he walks, he plays football and we eat well at home, but even if he eats well he eats soooo much... always in the fridge, and it is not easy to stop a 13 yo from eating!  He can eat 6 oranges in a row. Since my surgery, we just have good things in the house, but he manages to gain 20 pounds since then! And when he goes at school, I cannot control what he eats, he can go to the fast food, or buy some chips or candies... Even if I give him a good lunch, he will exchange it for money or bad things... And most of all, he doesn't want to lose weight, as a football player, it is a  good  thing to be big,but he doesn't understand that he could be too big to play someday...

The girls I guess want to lose weight more, for the boys...He is ok with the way he is he said...he has lots of friends, and he's a valuable player in his team, so no problem with self esteem...

I guess the genetics are a big part of it... Even as a baby, he was always a big eater...
My other son is healthy, normal weight, stop eating when he is not hungry, and doesn't like fast food. And I raised him the same way...

Good luck with you girl too!

 

What a mixed post Diane.

Congrats on over achieving your Docs goal and being only 20-30 pounds away to being a normal healthy weight. It will come fast with all the exercise you've been doing.

As for the parents coming to talk to you know and they didn't before, don't worry about it. Anybody who goes through a dramatic change like you did will want to congratulate or know how you did it. It will spark up conversations everywhere you go and it will be like that for years to come now. As for that b###h who had the nerve to say that to you, she can shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Seriously!!! Surgery is not cheating or anything of that sort. You need commitment. It's an unreversable procedure and it's not a decision that can be taken in one night. There are major risks of complications during surgery. As I type this I am scared just thinking about mine and have doubts... but am still excited to get the call. But the hell with her. She's just jealous. At least she knows now how to get help if she wants it.

As for your son I feel bad for you. It's hard to change something for someone else. I feel like I was in the same position as him. My mom and grandmother always pushed me to eat healthier and as much as I wanted to, I just did not have the willingness to do it. The only way you can get him to lose weight is to have him decide it's time to get his life back together. In a couple of years he won't be able to play football anymore. For me it's hockey. I have the biggest pants on the market and they fit SUPER tight against my gut. It's not comfortable. An extra 30 pounds would make me have to quit the sport I live for. Nowbody pushed me towards surgery I just chose for myself and I called. What he needs is a little of support from his friends. Someone who is in the same position as him that wants to get healthier. Support from your mom at his age is nice but it's not cool. But support from his Dad? Maybe that would work. I know it would have worked for me if my Dad had suggested it. But a friend can work too.

I hope it works out for you and your son in the end but you got to keep going for you. I'm sure he is proud of you and it might start to motivate him sooner than later.

Derek

Thanks Derek, yes, you are right, I have mixed emotions... I am happy that I have lost weight, but i am also sad for others, and I don't want others to suffer the jail I was in for so long...
You are also right that a mother isn't a very good source of motivation for a male teen... Maybe when he will see his father lose weight it will help him... ( my husband is on a waiting list for surgery since more than a year, but he wasn't sure he wanted surgery, he just put his name on the list, to have time to decide, but now he is sure he wants it, after seeing me go well... )
I just got an idea, if I talk to my son's football coach, he could tell him he has to lose a little weight to be better, it could work, he always listen to the coach...  I think I'll try that... but my son will be furious if he learns I did that!!!

I am so excited for you.  You have been so very successful. 

I have also noticed how people are much more willing to socialize with me now that I am not overweight.  I think it is a combination of things that causes that.  I think people are uncomfortable talking to someone that is morbidly obese, and I think I am more open and willing to talk to others as I have lost weight.  So, I don't think it is only others that are treating us differently, I think we project differently and so are more inviting to others.

I know what you mean about worrying for your kids.  My daughter is 28. 5'2", and weighs 325 lbs. and continues to gain.  She has never even tried to control her weight so I worry she is going to get so big she can't walk.  Her daughter (my granddaughter) is 7 and weighs 90 lbs, and I try so hard to help my granddaughter eat right, but my daughter sabotages all I do.  My daughter said she would have the surgery, but her insurance doesn't cover it, and she is a single mom so can't afford it any other way.  I also can't affford to help her   I so wish there was a resource to help her pay for it!  Not only will it save her life, but my granddaughter's as well!  My son is 31 and he weighs 280 lbs, but he is 6 ft and he is always watching his weight so I don't worry as much about him as I do my daughter, plus he is not interested in having the surgery.

Good luck to you and your son.  I know exactly how you feel - how you want to help, but there is nothing you can really do.

Thanks you Michele for your support... I am so sorry for your daughter and granddaughter, I know how difficult it is to want to help someone that doesn't want to be helped... I understand now that my mother was worried when I was young and I started to gain weight, and why she made me diet a few times... But that didn't work til I was ready by myself... it took 20 years! So, I'll try to show good habits for my son, but I will never force him to diet...

Diane, I always love to read what you have to post. You seem to have a wonderful way of making us think and reflect. I could so relate to what you are experiencing with attention from others. I am getting so so so much of it and people are always telling me how 'beautiful' I am . I am grateful for the compliments but gosh, my face is the same as before! What were their perception of me before. It amazes me how our society places such a high value on physical appearances. I love my new bod but not for their reasons. Yes I do feel more beautiful but I think it is because I am finally in a place where I feel comfortable in my skin and it shows. My step is happier and lighter. I struggle less with little things and I feel more content in my heart. I guess I feel my true self....like I finally conquered an ol' battle and not so afraid anymore. I do still have these moments of self doubt but they are not as ancored as before. I can reframe them and scoot them out of my brain more easily. So I understand your sense of happiness and yet sadness in people's reactions and perceptions of you.
As for your worries for your son....I commend your approach. It is such a tough issue and so tied into one's self esteem it is a delicate balance to try and strike when broaching the subject especially with your child. Modeling and changing your own behavior is a great way to teach him to see things in a different light so he can make his own choices. I personally think you are making a difference in his life just by your own changes. Keep it up girl!