So, I saw my internist

Well, it's obvious I am still pretty depressed and she wants me to keep working with the psychiatrist to find the right antidepressant (none so far have agreed with me). I am not someone to cry but I was fighting it the whole time I was in the exam room. Then we talked about my weight (I was up 10 pounds from last week). She thinks it is time for me to go to an endocrinologist. I have so much muscle weakness and joint stiffness, she wants me to see a specialist. My TSH level was normal the last time it was checked (like 8 months ago), but there are other ways to check it I guess. I don't know. My doctors have wondered about my thyroid since I was a little kid, so maybe they are still wondering? Maybe the endocrine doctor will think it is nothing? Weight has always been hard on me. Even with my band, I had to take extreme measures to lose the weight. I would eat around 1100 calories (under what the dietitian said for my age, height, and activity level) and exercise hardcore about 2 hours every day. I would burn almost as many calories I would consume and that was the only way to lose the weight. I am so grateful that I did, but without the exercise component, I fear that I won't lose at all (even when my diet, hunger, and restriction were "perfect", if I couldn't exercise for a period of time, I would not lose and even gain a pound here and there). I just don't know why my body holds onto weight and food like it does, but it drives me nuts She was relieved to hear about my HH and repair date. It's making my asthma worse and due to the constant reflux, I am always hoarse and clearning my throat. It will be great (and strange) to feel relief from that surgery! I wish someone could just heal me overnight. The muscle weakness for example: I was walking from my car to class with a backpack on. I had to carry a book in my left arm. By the time I got to my classroom (not far), my arm was burning and shaking due to the book being too heavy. I just can't figure out why I am so weak. There really aren't any meds that could do that and no meds cause water retention (so that can't be the reason for the weight gain). My face is puffy and my weight gain is mostly in the belly... so my clothes that I got 2 weeks ago are too tight in my stomach region. It's driving me nuts. My body is just so exhausted and my internist is just hoping that the stress of the stomach problems will make it easier on my body. I mean, I am forgetting things (like where I park my car, why I got up from my desk, what the professor just said, what I was saying, etc). My mind is so foggy and again, no meds are not really responsible for this forgetfulness. Lack of sleep killing my brain cells now? I mean, geesh, I am too young for this memory trouble! My internist is again hoping that the lack of sleep and trauma on my body from the GERD and vomiting will improve more than just GI and asthma symptoms. She hopes that the weakness and memory problems will improve after surgery. But, just to make sure nothing gets missed, she wants me to see an endocrinologist. She was thinking about endocrine problems a few months ago and now with the weight gain and weakness, she wants to follow through and explore all aveunes. She also started me on Lyrica for my bladder nerve issues. Maybe that will help me? Neurontin is pretty common for IC, but I couldn't tolerate it. So, we are going to try this nerve pain med. So... we'll see... Just though I'd give you guys yet another update... and I needed to vent a bit. I am so frustrated. I just want to fall asleep and wake up feeling like a normal 24 (almost 25 year old). Sorry for being such a downer this last year. I am just so tired and I don't want to burden my dad all the time with my health problems. You guys are a wonderful support group! Again, sorry to be such a downer... but I need some support, kind words, prayers, etc. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

WOW. I am SO sorry all this is happening!! I have followed your story and it is HORRIBLE that anyone should have so much physical illness at such a young age. I hope your HH repair will give you some relief. If I were you I would surely see and endocrinolgist. Hope there is a breakthrough with all this soon. Nancy

Yeah... it's been rough for me, that's for sure. I am surprised at how bad it has been for me... but I keep thinking it could be worse... but I don't want it to keep getting worse!

Alyssa, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of things..no one should have to endure what you've been going through! I truly hope all your medical issues get resolved soon, so you can start enjoying being a "twenty-somehthing". This should be one of the best times of your life!!! Wishing you well, Marla

Oh Alyssa, you are not a downer at all. You are a beautiful young lady who has had a really rough year. Your mind, body and emotions are exhausted and you are in school as well. There is only so much a person can take. Did you talk to a pharmacist about the combination of meds you are taking? It's worth a try. And I still believe prozac should be in the water as a wonder drug. Much love and many prayers. Chelle

You guys are so sweet. Yeah, I feel like a downer, but I try not to post about it all the time. Today just really sucked after I found out I gained 10 pounds from last week. I mean, seriously, I'm not eat 10,000 calories a day! WTF! I didn't ask the pharmacist abou****er retention but my internist said there wasn't anything that I am taking that could cause this kind of weight gain. I mean, if you looked at my stomach, you would think I look swollen. Someone actually asked me if I was pregenant. That was heartbreaking I am trying to stay positive but it's hard sometimes. I think I will call the psychiatrist to meet him and talk about meds and the depression. I am more depressed than I was when my bladder problems started (and back then I was waking up every 15 minutes... and that certainly takes a toll on the body). Well, thanks again. I am trying to "hang in there". I think of poor Frances and wish I had her strength and patience!

How could you not be down in the dumps? There's obviously something going on that's not in your control. I just wish they could figure out what to do about your healthy issues in general - you're surprisingly levelheaded for someone who's gone through so much. I just can't even imagine what you're going through. Hang in there.....and we'll always be here for you. - Ann

You know, when you are online, it's easier to sound levelheaded in writing! My friends have noted how well I am coping... but days like today, where I felt so sick that I stayed home and slept most of the day... it's hard to "cope". I am just so miserable but I try not to point it out or talk incessantly about it. If my physical symptoms are from depression, fine... lets treat it, but antidepressants make me feel worse (either coma-type fatigue, increaesd moodiness, suicidal thought one one med, and either insomnia or increased exhaustion depending on the med). Really, all that is left is Prozac. I will probably see my psychiatrist. He suggested Prozac but I wanted to give Zoloft another shot. I'm sorry that I am such a downer, but I need support! I know the importance of a support group and helping patients feel better! I am not "too strong" to admit that I need to talk about it! I just don't want to talk about it with my dad all the time. It's hard on him to see me so sick... and that I live in another state, he can't come over and help me when/if I need it. He will fly down for surgeries and I do go to visit him twice a year, but I know he wishes he was here more often. So... I do talk about things with him, but I can hear the saddness in his voice. I need you guys to let me talk about it and keep me sane! It's hard to keep all those frustrations and depressive feelings in!

I think your medical studies are probably helping you right now as you try to figure this out. It seems like you're systematically thinking through and working through the issues with your doctors, you just wish (and we all wish with you) that the answers would come soon. I can't even begin to imagine all that you're going through. I think of Frances too, and you're both in my prayers. I really hope you find help and relief soon!! You need it!!!

Alyssa, the relflux alone can be the cause of your exhaulstion and depression. I have had reflux off and on for several years even before the band. It seemed to get better for a while but this last month has been a new experience for me. I wake up so many times at night that I feel exhaulsted. I don't feel like going to work and I am hardly productive because I am so tired. I even have the nagging scratchy throat now. I see my surgeon tomorrow and hope to get a date. Does your band need to be repositioned? Mine does. I hope they get it in the right postion this time because I am sure that is why I never got good restriciton or hunger control. I am not getting too optimistic but I will be very happy if things improve beyond the reflux. Maybe with more daylight your depression will improve. And you are not a downer. I just wish you had better news to share. I am hoping you will very soon.