I am sick of food

Nancy said what I was going to say but I wanted to add that I thought I ate the bandster way. I thought I chewed well enough and took small bites. Then a model bandster came to visit me and I watched how she ate. She took pea sized or pencil eraser sized bites and then really chewed. You can get almost any food down that way. If you cant then you are to tight. I am not to tight but I avoid pot roast and couple of other things. I just dont want the hassle. But if I truly eat slow and chew nothing gives me a problem. I get lazy or too hungry and dont want to eat that way so I order chili instead of a salad...but this was the hardest habit to break as universally obese people inhale their food. Its o.k. to be down...this might be the day you make a break through.

Maybe that's part of it. Maybe it is my attitude. I don't want to take pencil eraser sized bites of food and chew it to death for the rest of my life. Between that and not being able to find a doctor for aftercare and worrying about complications all the time ... I don't like this life. In fact ... I hate it. And for 60 freaking pounds? It isn't worth it to me anymore.

I get your aftercare problem as I have it too. If an emergency happens I will have to drive 10 hours to see my doc. He is only in my area once a month. There was a point in this journey that because of the aftercare issue I was wishing I had chose another surgery. (Also because of the fickleness of the band..nobody tells you about that.) I wont tell you it will be alright because its wont until you turn your head around. You are totally allowed to feel this away...But if you have restriction....there are millions that would trade places with you in a heart beat. To me it sounds like you are battling head issues more than band issues. You miss the comfort of food. We have all been there.

Yeah. But weirdo that I am - the comfort foods that I'm missing are asparagus, grapes, brown rice, apples with skin on them ... The fickleness is driving me nuts. I mean how can I eat steak one day and then not be able to eat chicken the next day? Or how can I eat brown rice and veggies one day and another day I can barely get down cottage cheese? Not having a doc I can trust is driving me nuts. I have to drive 2 hours each way to see a doctor who thinks I shouldn't be eating anything but "lean protein" and if I have room "a bite of vegetables" and follows that up with, "But you shouldn't have room." And advocates 600 - 800 calories a day. That's nuts. I want to love this band. But the more I'm living with it and no follow up care the more I realize that I might have made a mistake.

I think the fickleness is more apparent in women. Men dont complain of it as much. So my genius theory is that hormones and hydration must play a part (a daily part). Every month my restriction changes during TOM. Perception or how you choose to view this whole thing is whats going to determine your actions and thus the ulitmate outcome. Can you change your peception? Can these obstacles become challenges for you instead of road blocks? The doctor I see takes Mexico patients. That means that people come from far and wide to see him. There are people driving from Las Vegas to northen california. He is so busy that when you see him you talk fast and he listens as best he can but he has to many people to see and not enough time. The point I am trying to make is I either get a fill or not, he tells me to eat protein first and I am out the door. Because I was banded in Mexico I have never seen a nutrionist, and I have never really had one on one band counseling. I have educated myself. So your after care doc doesnt have to determine whether you are a success or not. Ideally we would love the support of our docs, but a lot of us dont get it. You have restriction..you arent to tight....your band is fickle..you are frustrated. This does not mean you wont be a band success.

Carole, You got a lot of good feedback here. I guess the bottom line is, which are you more tired of . . . eating like a bandster or living as a morbidly obese women? Losing weight and keeping it off with the band for life means sacrifice and change. Are you sick & tired of being sick & tired, or do you want to eat more. That is something we all have to come to grips with. I wish you the best and many blessings, Ron

I want to eat. But here's the catch. I want to be able to eat healthy, nutritious foods without wondering which one is going to be the one that causes me pain and vomiting and days on liquids. Here's the deal. This type of life might be okay for some people. But this isn't how I want to live the next 20 or 30 years. Always worrying if this PB means I've f*cked up. If this pain means I've got a slip. If that pain means I've got an obstruction. Will crock pot roasted chicken go down today? It did three days ago. But that doesn't mean it will today. I made a mistake. A very costly, very invasive mistake. And it isn't about if I want to eat more as though I'm willing to give everything up to have a freaking piece of cake. I want to eat vegetables and fruits. I want to be able to know that I can eat every day. Not wonder if today is going to be the day I try to eat breakfast and find that I'm on liquids for the rest of the day. You may be happy that way. I'm not. For instance the other day I made steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots with a balsamic chicken (organic, skinless, boneless chicken breasts poached in a balsamic vinegar and organic chicken broth, garlic, onions and tomatoes). The chicken was so moist you didn't need a knife to cut it. Turns out I couldn't eat it. I took one bite of a mushy carrot (so mushy you could ma**** with a fork) and got it stuck. I was done. I spent 2 hours making dinner. Only to have to sit and watch everyone else eat. I'm not crying over not being able to have cake, ice cream or even bread. I'm talking about being able to depend on being able to eat real food.

I hear you and I feel for you. I can only speak for myself, but every time I have gotten stuck was because I either ate too fast, took to big of a bite, didn't chew well enough or ate one of the few foods I know I can't eat anymore. If I PB, most of the time it's my own fault. For instance, I KNOW I have a problem with white meat chicken and turkey, no matter how soft it may be. So, if I try to eat them, I have a good chance I will PB. I am willing to do what I need to do for life because I don't want to live with the weight any longer. That is my choice. I know a lot of bandsters personally and I don't know any that constantly have these problems when the follow all the rules. If you are really eating slow enough and doing everything else right, then you need to talk to your doc. Maybe you are tighter that you think or maybe your band is not in the right position. Don't give up or get depressed over it. Find the solution. You're worth it. Blessings, Ron

Carole - I totally get what you are saying. I also love cooking healthy nutritious meals and used to get totally pissed when I couldnt enjoy them. I'm not exactly in a great place right now either. I am totally unfilled and can eat most anything without PBing but I'm also gaining weight. I am having esophogeal problems and hopefully by giving my body a rest I will eventually be able to get refilled slowly and get back to losing again. I dont know the answer yet either. Getting some saliene removed has helped me though. I also switched doctors for my aftercare but my new doctor is saying that I should get the band removed - yikes - rather than trying to work with me on this - but this isnt the end of the story... yet. Rose

Rose, I hope you and your doctor manage to find a way to work together for the best possible result. Hopefully, for you, that will mean being able to keep your Lap-Band. I'm waiting to see what the new doctor is like. Hopefully we'll be able to work together. I'm toying with the idea of a complete un-fill. Sort of a 'start over' - see what life is like without restriction and then work slowly back up. Get some perspective and see if I can get to my sweet spot from the under side rather than trying to work backwards.