I am sick of food

I'm not too tight. I know I'm not too tight. Why? Because I can eat - volume wise - more than I should be able to. But there are some things that I cannot eat. And there are some things I can eat some days but not others. And quite honestly, I am sick of planning every meal around what I "might" be able to eat today. I am tired of spending time cooking (which I love to do) healthy, delicious meals only to find out that today one (or more) of the things I cooked isn't going to "work" with my stupid fickle band. I'm tired of a lot of the things I can't eat being lean, healthy, nutritious foods and the things that I can get down being crappy, junky, unhealthy pseudo-foods. I do not look forward to another 30 or 40 years of this type of eating. I cannot motivate myself to eat better because all of the good foods that I want to eat are foods that can cause me problems. I cannot motivate myself to care about cooking tasty, healthy foods because I know that nearly as often as not, no matter what I cook or how good it is, it isn't going to go down well. I eat whatever I'm pretty sure will go down without a hassle and in many cases that just isn't good for me. But I'm tired. I'm tired of tiny bites. I'm tired of chewing things to death. I'm tired of first bite syndrome. I'm tired of it all. I am beginning to believe that I made a HUGE mistake in getting this device. I was self-pay. I cannot afford to just have it removed. But I am beginning to despise living with it.

Carole, People always talk about removing their bands, but why not loosen it and see how it goes. You say you are not too tight, but if you're too tight to eat healthy, you're too tight. Of course, it still won't mean that crap won't go down, but maybe if you can fill up on healthy food, you won't want the crap. My band is loose enough that I eat in the mornings, and I can eat bread, whole wheat tortillas, wild rice, chicken, lean steak, and most anything I want. I could be tighter, but that would force me to drink protein drinks, and other liquid and mushy things that would not help me lose weight. Just my 2 cents!

Nancy, I am right there with you. I will never go too tight again, because it is a miserable life. I can eat anything I want, in limited quantities. That is so much better than eating as much of everything I wanted -preband. It doesn't matter to me how long it takes - I am already so much healthier than ever before!

I totally agree with Nancy, and , Chelle! I've never been too, tight, and have always been able to eat anything. my doctor told me from the beginning, "You have to eat, to lose!" it sure worked for me. The initial program, is based on 5 years. I still have foods, I shouldn't, like french fries, and desserts, but I have a small amount, and it doesn't hurt me. I enjoy planning my menu. I hope, Carole, you aren't too, discouraged, as you're doing great! I was 58 when banded, and hate to think of ANYONE, having all of the health problems, I've had. To me, being younger, you are having a head start, on being healthy, as you grow older, hon.

Thanks Nancy. I don't think that I'm too tight - at least not all the time - because there are days that I can eat anything. And by anything I mean, steak, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, asparagus, sweet potatoes, apples with the skin. You name it. Then there are other days (and I never know when those are going to be) that I can barely get down thinned mashed potatoes. I hate having to try to guess what kind of day it is going to be. Is this going to be a good food day or a bad food day. And the unknown (and the fear of the consequences) has me making lousy choices a lot of of the time. Not because I have to but because I'm just to tired of trying. Does that even make sense? Then there's the whole, finding a doctor. I'm about ready to throw in the towel and spend hundreds of dollars I can't really afford to fly to Florida, rent a car and stay in a hotel to see my old surgeon. The surgeon in TN is unlikely to be helpful in going looser since he seems to think that if you can eat steak or bread you're too loose and he thinks I should be eating 600 - 800 calories per day. But no one closer will take me as a patient and I'm getting sick of calling them. I guess the real reason I wish I could afford to have the band removed is because finding a doc for after care sucks. Stupid me, I had the audacity to relocate for my husband's job and now ... I'm stuck. 11 - 12 hours of driving to get to my original surgeon, whom I love. Or 2 hours of driving to go to a doctor I don't like and don't trust. Those are my only options. And without the right follow-up ... I might as well not have a band for all the good it does me.

It is possible that you're irritating your stoma with the junk food, and then you have a day where mashed potatoes won't go down. I am not going to sugar coat this, cuz you're a vet and you can handle it! Remove some saline, not your band. That just doesn't make sense. A loose band will still give you some restriction. Removing the band is expensive and any surgery carries a risk. You will gain your weight back, almost guaranteed. Ask Bridget how much she gained inbetween her band removal and sleeve. The fact that you are pre-occupied with "what kind of day is this going to be", and "can I eat today", indicates to me that you need an unfill. As a patient, don't ever let a doctor refuse to give you an unfill. It's your band. Tell him you're vomiting and can't get stuff down. Cry if you need to, LOL!

The crying part is no problem. I've been doing that all morning. This doctor is a really arrogant SOB and I hate dealing with him. When I go back more than 6 months later not having lost any weight ... I know he's going to lecture me about how I should be eating 600 - 800 calories a day and if I can eat more than that I'm not tight enough. *Sigh* He's a total jackass. But he's the only doc I can find in about a 2 hour radius who will take another surgeon's patients. I know that if I hadn't moved and still had the support of my surgeon and his group I'd be a lot further ahead. But without decent support ... It's pointless. And now ... if I am too tight - I have a doctor who doesn't listen to me that I have to fight with to get an unfill. I'm not in a good place with this right now. Can you tell? I'm thinking of asking for a complete unfill and then start over again with the working up to the right restriction thing. That is if I can get "Dr. I'm-So-Perfect" to actually listen to me.

Yes, I can tell you are frustrated. It's hard for me to relate, because I have 2 GREAT doctors. They respect me as the patient and have never refused me a fill or an unfill. They trust me to know what I am feeling. Okay, my last suggestion. Join Weigh****chers and do it with a couple of us. I have lost 3 pounds this week. My eating was all over the place and I was not counting anything. Just eating little bits of what I wanted, figuring if it was a Bandster portion, it must be okay. NOT OKAY! Still way too many calories going in. That worked for me at first, but now that I am 3 years out, I have to change things. It is amazing when you start measuring and counting, how far off you really have been. I have actually felt real hunger this week...and it hasn't killed me.

WW is a good plan. Do you do the core plan or points? I used to have three great docs. Oh well. I guess I just have to pull on my big girl panties and stand up to the d*ckweed. In the meantime I'm going to do a few days of liquids. If I've irritated my band the liquids will help. And if not ... they won't hurt anything.

I am doing the Flex plan. There is nothing you can't eat, if you count it. You just can't have everything you love all in one day.