Sad day today..
Robyn, nothing about this is your fault. I'm sorry your dad chose this as his path in life and I'm just devastated he brought you in to it like he did. My dad died (unexpectedly) on Jan. 8th so I know all about the anniversary side of the equation (and my grandfather -- dad's dad -- died on Dec. 18th and his birthday is Dec. 28th).
I hope you can remember the good times with your father and wish they bring back happy memories.
Hug your babies, too.
Lori
Suicide is I think one of the hardest deaths to deal with. A good friend of mine killed himself and it was only in hindsight that I realised he had said 'goodbye' to me the day he went off to do it. But we can't live on 'if only's'. My 15 year old daughter was killed in a car crash 11 years ago and although the pain has changed, the anniversary day is the one day of the year that I give into it all without any excuses.
hugs to you Robyn.
Sharyn