5 Year Surgiversary
5 years ago I got onto an operating table and allowed Dr. Pupkova to perform RNY surgery to my morbidly obese, unhealthy, unfit body. I had the support of my family and the blessings of my primary care physician and insurance company. In other words, I NEEDED this surgery.
The first year was a whirlwind journey of change. The weight practically melted off. I was able to walk up stairs and long distances without getting winded or being in pain. I came off the medications I was taking for diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, GERD and depression. I was able to put away my sleep apnea machine and no longer needed injections for heel spurs. I could buckle my seatbelt, fit in a movie theater seat and a restaurant booth, cross my legs, and sit in the bathtub (all things I could not do before my surgery). I no longer had to worry about chairs breaking under me, or looking for the widest path from a seat to an exit. I got compliments daily about how wonderful I looked, what a great job I was doing, and how amazingly happy I was. I was eating only what I planned, and was exercising on a daily basis. I ended my 23 year abusive marriage and fell in love with the most wonderful man in the world.
Reality starts to creep back in after that first year or 16 months, though, and life's challenges present themselves. Most notably, for me, I found my voice, and after being chastised for expressing a mostly unpopular opinion, I shut down emotionally for a while. I also developed alcoholism post-surgery and it took me 2 years to stop drinking. I had a significant amount of weight re-gain. Compliments stop, and other people don't remember how far you've come. Many people in my world today never even knew me pre-surgery.
I thank God today that while some challenges may have detoured my path, they did not de-rail me completely. I will have 2 years sober on Sunday. I have re-lost all the weight I had re-gained. I have returned to support group meetings and posting here. I have learned to hear the supportive words and accept that I have my own voice and do not have to please everybody.
Sometimes I feel like a fraud in OA because I did not lose my weight using "their" program. Sometimes I feel like a fraud in AA because I only drank for a very short while and often feel like I didn't "suffer enough." But the one place I fit in absoloutely and completely is here and with other WLS patients. You guys understand COMPLETELY what this surgery means -- the challenges it presents; and the amazing successes it brings. I'm no fraud here. I had the surgery. I use the tool to the best of my ability. I struggle. I share. I hear wonderfully helpful things from others here.
I have not made a lot of off-line friendships with people here, the way some of you have. I still have trouble relating to people and being a good friend. I do, however, sincerely appreciate OH.com and Barix for providing forums for people like us.
My last thoughts for the day on my surgiversary is that somewhere along the way this year I realized that the food focus changes along this journey. In the beginning, the excitement of losing a lot of weight, the thrill of attention and compliments, and the concentrated effort on doing the right thing with food/exercise was at the center of my life and the focus of my energy and thoughts. Today, I have to acknowledge that I am still a food addict and compulsive overeater, but I have been given this wonderful gift of RNY. Today I do what it takes to maintain a healthy way of eating (and moving) so that I maintain a healthy weight. It's not about MORE anymore -- more weight loss; more control; more exercise; more success. It's about living one day at a time and enjoying one moment at a time while taking care of my body, mind and spirit to the best of my ability.
Thanks for letting me share.
The first year was a whirlwind journey of change. The weight practically melted off. I was able to walk up stairs and long distances without getting winded or being in pain. I came off the medications I was taking for diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, GERD and depression. I was able to put away my sleep apnea machine and no longer needed injections for heel spurs. I could buckle my seatbelt, fit in a movie theater seat and a restaurant booth, cross my legs, and sit in the bathtub (all things I could not do before my surgery). I no longer had to worry about chairs breaking under me, or looking for the widest path from a seat to an exit. I got compliments daily about how wonderful I looked, what a great job I was doing, and how amazingly happy I was. I was eating only what I planned, and was exercising on a daily basis. I ended my 23 year abusive marriage and fell in love with the most wonderful man in the world.
Reality starts to creep back in after that first year or 16 months, though, and life's challenges present themselves. Most notably, for me, I found my voice, and after being chastised for expressing a mostly unpopular opinion, I shut down emotionally for a while. I also developed alcoholism post-surgery and it took me 2 years to stop drinking. I had a significant amount of weight re-gain. Compliments stop, and other people don't remember how far you've come. Many people in my world today never even knew me pre-surgery.
I thank God today that while some challenges may have detoured my path, they did not de-rail me completely. I will have 2 years sober on Sunday. I have re-lost all the weight I had re-gained. I have returned to support group meetings and posting here. I have learned to hear the supportive words and accept that I have my own voice and do not have to please everybody.
Sometimes I feel like a fraud in OA because I did not lose my weight using "their" program. Sometimes I feel like a fraud in AA because I only drank for a very short while and often feel like I didn't "suffer enough." But the one place I fit in absoloutely and completely is here and with other WLS patients. You guys understand COMPLETELY what this surgery means -- the challenges it presents; and the amazing successes it brings. I'm no fraud here. I had the surgery. I use the tool to the best of my ability. I struggle. I share. I hear wonderfully helpful things from others here.
I have not made a lot of off-line friendships with people here, the way some of you have. I still have trouble relating to people and being a good friend. I do, however, sincerely appreciate OH.com and Barix for providing forums for people like us.
My last thoughts for the day on my surgiversary is that somewhere along the way this year I realized that the food focus changes along this journey. In the beginning, the excitement of losing a lot of weight, the thrill of attention and compliments, and the concentrated effort on doing the right thing with food/exercise was at the center of my life and the focus of my energy and thoughts. Today, I have to acknowledge that I am still a food addict and compulsive overeater, but I have been given this wonderful gift of RNY. Today I do what it takes to maintain a healthy way of eating (and moving) so that I maintain a healthy weight. It's not about MORE anymore -- more weight loss; more control; more exercise; more success. It's about living one day at a time and enjoying one moment at a time while taking care of my body, mind and spirit to the best of my ability.
Thanks for letting me share.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
Jill,
Happy Surgiversary!!!
I've known you, pretty much from the beginning, via this forum and eventually through Barix and support groups. I remember a lot of your early post-op moments, like when the hamburger smell was calling you, the challenges you faced deciding to get out of your marriage. . . the falling out because you spoke up about things, your struggles with alcohol, etc., but what I will remember most of all is your coming back last year and your desire to participate in ongoing healthy living and the want to pay it forward by example of what this journey is like from the prespective of longevity. Your post is awesome, as you are, but I think the summarization in your last paragraph, speaks volumes, at least it did to me and I am grateful to consider you among the friends I have made as a result of this journey!!!
Wishing you continued healthy living and sobriety!!!
Hugs, Laureen
Happy Surgiversary!!!
I've known you, pretty much from the beginning, via this forum and eventually through Barix and support groups. I remember a lot of your early post-op moments, like when the hamburger smell was calling you, the challenges you faced deciding to get out of your marriage. . . the falling out because you spoke up about things, your struggles with alcohol, etc., but what I will remember most of all is your coming back last year and your desire to participate in ongoing healthy living and the want to pay it forward by example of what this journey is like from the prespective of longevity. Your post is awesome, as you are, but I think the summarization in your last paragraph, speaks volumes, at least it did to me and I am grateful to consider you among the friends I have made as a result of this journey!!!
Wishing you continued healthy living and sobriety!!!
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Good Morning Jill,
Happy Surgiversary. I am so happy that you have not only a surgiversary to celebrate, but also your sobriety. I can so relate to your story.
I understand your feeling of being a fraud in OA, I've had that feeling as well. But, remember this, the disease is not the weight, it's the compulsive overeating in OA. And the program is not their food plan, or any food plan. The program is the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous, modified from AA's Steps. You earned your seat in OA just like the rest of them. The weight loss is the perk of following the 12 Steps in order to gain freedom from overeating.
Same thing goes for AA. You earned your seat in AA, and have no reason to feel you don't belong there. The disease of alcoholism is different in every single one of us. It is progressive and what I learned after giving up six years of sobriety, is that in us RNY patients the disease moves rapidly.
But, remember this, the disease of alcoholism is a symptom of the disease of addiction overall, be it drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, shopping, whatever. Somewhere in our wiring and upbringing, we learned how not to deal with negative emotions and cir****tances in our life in a healthy way. As a result, we use other things to get out of those negative emotions. In AA and OA, we learn the Steps, and learn coping skills in order to effectively handle the negative emotions, and stay sober and abstinent.
Rejoiece today, and Sunday. You deserve to feel good about all that you have done to stay healthy, sober, and abstinent.
Hugs,
Trish
Happy Surgiversary. I am so happy that you have not only a surgiversary to celebrate, but also your sobriety. I can so relate to your story.
I understand your feeling of being a fraud in OA, I've had that feeling as well. But, remember this, the disease is not the weight, it's the compulsive overeating in OA. And the program is not their food plan, or any food plan. The program is the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous, modified from AA's Steps. You earned your seat in OA just like the rest of them. The weight loss is the perk of following the 12 Steps in order to gain freedom from overeating.
Same thing goes for AA. You earned your seat in AA, and have no reason to feel you don't belong there. The disease of alcoholism is different in every single one of us. It is progressive and what I learned after giving up six years of sobriety, is that in us RNY patients the disease moves rapidly.
But, remember this, the disease of alcoholism is a symptom of the disease of addiction overall, be it drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, shopping, whatever. Somewhere in our wiring and upbringing, we learned how not to deal with negative emotions and cir****tances in our life in a healthy way. As a result, we use other things to get out of those negative emotions. In AA and OA, we learn the Steps, and learn coping skills in order to effectively handle the negative emotions, and stay sober and abstinent.
Rejoiece today, and Sunday. You deserve to feel good about all that you have done to stay healthy, sober, and abstinent.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Jill,
Congrats on FIVE years of successing!!!
You are a true inspiration! With all that you have on your plate you still encourage and support all of us! Don't feel bad about not making a lot of friends through this journey. I had made "friends" and found out that they really were NOT my friends! I have found many sincere, down to earth, wonderful people through this site and at Barix. One of them was definitely you!!!
You need to give yourself a BIG hug! You are doing a GREAT job!!
Love, Beth
Congrats on FIVE years of successing!!!
You are a true inspiration! With all that you have on your plate you still encourage and support all of us! Don't feel bad about not making a lot of friends through this journey. I had made "friends" and found out that they really were NOT my friends! I have found many sincere, down to earth, wonderful people through this site and at Barix. One of them was definitely you!!!
You need to give yourself a BIG hug! You are doing a GREAT job!!
Love, Beth
http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wvHjqcu/">
http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wvHjqcu/weight.png">>
Jill,
To me, you are a true model of what this journey is all about. Ups, down, sharing, support, and being real.
While we may not see each other outside of meetings, I do consider you a friend. I care about you, I appreciate you, and I feel that you are open and honest.
I wish you many, many more years of a happy healthy life- one day at a time, of course.
Sorry I will not be at Barix to celebrate with you. I will be out of town.
Jill,
Congratulations on your surgiversary and your soberversary. Your journey reflects the reality of life with all of its ups and downs. I can relate to your description of year 1 and how great it was. Making changes is hard because we can only change ourselves and not others. I also am a proponent of 12 step programs and realize that there are healthy and unhealthy people in any recovery group. Initially I looked at some peole from Barix and OH as having it all together. Then I realized that unless you deal with your problems losing the weight will not remove them. I have a few people that I consider to be friends from the WLS community. I have been hesitant to get too close to many people because of the changes in my life and not being a trusting individual. My gut was right to tell me to take it slow and gradually get to know people over a period of time. Today I feel that I am in a better place to reach out for help and to reach out to others. I hope to see you on Saturday at Barix. I haven't been good on getting to Saturday support group but I am going to try very hard to be there. Take care.
Donna
Congratulations on your surgiversary and your soberversary. Your journey reflects the reality of life with all of its ups and downs. I can relate to your description of year 1 and how great it was. Making changes is hard because we can only change ourselves and not others. I also am a proponent of 12 step programs and realize that there are healthy and unhealthy people in any recovery group. Initially I looked at some peole from Barix and OH as having it all together. Then I realized that unless you deal with your problems losing the weight will not remove them. I have a few people that I consider to be friends from the WLS community. I have been hesitant to get too close to many people because of the changes in my life and not being a trusting individual. My gut was right to tell me to take it slow and gradually get to know people over a period of time. Today I feel that I am in a better place to reach out for help and to reach out to others. I hope to see you on Saturday at Barix. I haven't been good on getting to Saturday support group but I am going to try very hard to be there. Take care.
Donna
Most Active
Recent Topics
