Nervous today

 I haven't been posting most of the week mostly because of the amount of work I've been doing.  That is a combination of Aetna work and the work I've been doing around the apartment.  

The reason I am nervous is because Siehara comes home today from the inpatient program.  I have very mixed emotions about her return.  I want to see her and have her home with me, but then again I don't.  It's been a very peaceful last week without her here.  I have seen or spoken to her every day, but she was not here and I did not have to worry about what was going to happen next with her.  

I feel awful that I am hesitant about her coming home.  I should be thrilled that she is going to be here with me, but I just can't be.  She can be very manipulative and I'm just not convinced that she is ready to be home.  Thankfully, the staff at Kids Peace is in a similar state of thought.  They are having her go back to the acute partial program starting on Monday.  They know that she is not ready to go back to school yet and needs some sort of transition place before she gets "thrown to the wolves".  

Neil is leaving when I go to get her that way she and I can be alone to bond, talk, whatever... 

Once she gets home, I am going to go over the "new" old rules.  I cleaned her room inside and out and I will DEMAND that it stays that way.  We will also create a set of rules together and I will post them where they can be seen and followed every day.  I'm going to let her know what I expect of her and that I will accept nothing less than her best efforts.  I'm also going to let her know that if she steals from me, breaks in my room, or does anything bordering on illegal, the police WILL be called.  It was pointed out to me that she most likely will not steal from a store because she knows that the police will be called and there will be nothing I can do to stop that.  But she continues to do things to me because she can deal with MY consequence.  If I call the police, then she will know that it is not ok to take advantage of me, either.  

It is going to be a tough weekend.  But, I know I need to do this and let her know that I am DONE with the BS.  I'm just very nervous about the whole thing.  I know it's right for Neil to go home while I handle this,but it makes me feel alone in the process and more afraid.  I just have to be strong and do this.  

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  We need it, bad!

You and Siehara are in my prayers, this cannot be easy on you and sadly it will probably be some time before Siehara sees what strength and love can do in making a difference. . . I will be rooting for both of you!  You are quite courageous!!!

Laureen

I am coming out of hiding again lol to send you positive thoughts and wish you luck with the situation. 

First, I want to say that I totally get that you are ambivalent about her return home.  I've been there with my daughter.  Most of the times she has been in-patient, I think they have released her WAY too early.  On the other hand, with each hospitalization or therapy or partial program, I'm pretty sure she picked up at least one new thing that has been helpful.

I could never do the tough love thing.  I was fortunate that my child's behavior did not cross into being illegal or extraordinarily dangerous. 

Whatever rules and consequences you decide on, remember that staying the course and being consistent go a long way in helping her develop the skills she will need as an adult.

Prayers continue for you and you family.

 Lisa, 

I will be praying for both of you!! 

I am here if u need anything!

Love, Beth

Lisa I understand how you feel and it is so normal. You are doing the right thing by having Neil give you both some time alone. Her biggest fear in life is rejection and abandonment. As long as you show her that you will never do that even if there are consequences to her behavior you will be doing well. Stay strong. Know that we are all thinking about you. If you need us please call or text

Hugs to you Lisa, and ALL good thoughts!

You might want to talk to your local police (without S. present) to see what they would actually do if you called. The LAST thing you want is a road cop shrugging his shoulders and saying he really can't do anything. When Bryce was about 15, I had to have a "conversation" with the police and him....and I asked for the police to totally put the fear of God into him.

Not that I am expecting the worst here, but I just want you to be prepared and have YOUR ducks in a row if necessary.

 Great idea, Lynn.  I still have the card for the policeman I spoke to at Walmart.  I will call him up and ask him what would happen if she did do something again.  

I know that you are not expecting the worst, but I do know that it IS definitely a possibility.

All the way home she talked about how she NEVER wants to go back there again.  I went over my rules and expectations and am cautiously optimistic that things will get better.... 

sigh.. 

Do you think she needs more in-patient time?  Do you think her coming home too soon would be detrimental to her progress?

 I don't think she needs more inpatient time.. I was just so much more relaxed and not in fear of "what's next" while she was there.  

I am really trying to be cautiously optimistic, but it's so hard given her history..