Sometimes I really feel like a failure.

I appreciated Laureen's comment about not being too hard on ourselves, but today I is one of those days where I just feel like such a failure at this whole weight/food thing. 

I know my tool works.  I know that if I eat according to my nutritionist's plan, I lose weight (about a pound per day) up to a certain number, and stay there.  It's a good thing.

I also know that when I choose to eat off my plan, I gain weight quickly -- VERY quickly.  I've eaten off plan for several days, and today when I got on the scale there was a 7 pound weight difference.  Crap.

Again, I know I am blessed that if I get right back on my plan, the weight will come off just as quickly.  But why, oh why, do I play this game with myself week after week after week?  It feels like the old "diet" game.  Eat "right" during the week, then "cheat" on weekends.  The weekend becomes a 4-day weekend, and before you know it, I've got a weight gain.  I don't care that it comes off easy!  Why can't I just get it right and keep it right?  Why can't I be perfect???  Oh, yeah, I can't be perfect.

I try to work my OA program.  I've worked it with a sponsor (and eaten) and without a sponsor (and eaten).  I post my food, but end up changing it.  I'll start recording the changes, and then figure, oh, what's the point, I'm just a total screw up anyway! 

I had to vent to people who might understand today.  I'm back on track so far today, but want to beat myself up just a little -- like that ever helps.

Thanks for letting me share.