and so it continues
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I went to visit her yesterday and she looked pretty good. She was calm and talked about the things that happen there. It is a very restrictive environment and will hopefully help her to appreciate the freedom she has at home. I did warn the staff when they had called me that she can be very manipulative and will do what she has to do to be a model patient so she can come home. They were glad I told them that so they can be sure she is truly ready before they send her out.
I will be going back today with my step mom so she can see her. We will not stay too long and will probably head out to lunch or something after.
Yesterday when I was on my way home, I got a call from the Caines. (My old "Friday night friends"). I had told them what was going on the day I admitted her because I needed to back out of participating in the service at synagogue on Saturday. I have not been keeping them informed over all this time because they just don't seem to understand. Well, they pretty much ripped me a new one (in love,they said) yesterday. They told me that a lot of what she is doing is mirroring what I do. She is addicted to the computer because she sees me on it all the time. She is interested in sexting because I have brought men in and out of her life for the past 3 years (uh.. NO). Her explosions are cries for attention from me because I am too busy working two jobs and going to the gym. They said that I got the 2nd job to help pay for the Bat Mitzvah. Now that the Bat Mitzvah is over, I should quit the job. Well, it's not that easy. Now, it's helping to make it much easier to pay the rent and still (possibly) have a bit of money left over. I told them that I bring her with me to the gym as much as possible and that the trainer will be working with her. Then, they got on me about spending my extra money on the trainer instead of using it on a bill or something and that's why I can't live on my 1 job income. I am not responsible with my money and need to budget better to make it work. They also mentioned something about being with "another man without a job and living at home".. I really railed him for that.. explained that Neil lost his job and went back to school to get ANOTHER degree so he can get a job. (Neil has NEVER asked me for money and will argue with me if I offer to pay for anything. )
There were lots of other things said. I have very mixed emotions about what was said. In some ways I feel they are right. I do need to go back to trying to balance MY life with OUR life. I really don't think I can afford to quit the store right now. But, I will sit down and try to come up with a budget to see where I really am financially. I spoke with one of the asst mgrs at the store last night about what they said. She knows the whole story about Siehara. She suggested I just cut back my hours, but not quit. While we were talking, we came up with these ideas that should work/help:
1. not working 8 hour shifts--only doing 4-4.5hr shifts.
2. only working about 12-15 hrs per week
3. not working Saturday mornings so we can bring synagogue back into our life
I left a note for the main manager for her to call me on Monday so I can talk to her about these things. She is very understanding and flexible and I (and Aesha), don't think any of these things will be an issue.
My going out has slowed down quite a bit. When Neil comes here, he doesn't want her to think that he is just trying to take me from her. We want to do more family things together, but it's been hard with her behavior the way it has been. I am going to make more of an effort to make sure we do stuff together. I am also going to move the futon out of her bedroom and into the living room. I don't know why I never thought of it. Right now, there is only a sofa, a coffee table and a TV. If I move the futon out, there will be 3 more places to sit and one LESS place for her to throw her crap in her room. I put it into her bedroom thinking it would give her a place to relax in her room, plus give a sleep space for overnight guests. Well, she never hangs out in her room and it can still be used as a sleep space, just in the living room instead of in her room.
I am working on doing a major overhaul/clean out of her room. I want to be sure I find any "contraband" that she has in there before she gets home. I also want it immaculate so she has a great starting poing and can hopefully keep it this way. The old toys are going and things will be super organized.
All that being said, I'm off to go put some more work in on her room.
I will be going back today with my step mom so she can see her. We will not stay too long and will probably head out to lunch or something after.
Yesterday when I was on my way home, I got a call from the Caines. (My old "Friday night friends"). I had told them what was going on the day I admitted her because I needed to back out of participating in the service at synagogue on Saturday. I have not been keeping them informed over all this time because they just don't seem to understand. Well, they pretty much ripped me a new one (in love,they said) yesterday. They told me that a lot of what she is doing is mirroring what I do. She is addicted to the computer because she sees me on it all the time. She is interested in sexting because I have brought men in and out of her life for the past 3 years (uh.. NO). Her explosions are cries for attention from me because I am too busy working two jobs and going to the gym. They said that I got the 2nd job to help pay for the Bat Mitzvah. Now that the Bat Mitzvah is over, I should quit the job. Well, it's not that easy. Now, it's helping to make it much easier to pay the rent and still (possibly) have a bit of money left over. I told them that I bring her with me to the gym as much as possible and that the trainer will be working with her. Then, they got on me about spending my extra money on the trainer instead of using it on a bill or something and that's why I can't live on my 1 job income. I am not responsible with my money and need to budget better to make it work. They also mentioned something about being with "another man without a job and living at home".. I really railed him for that.. explained that Neil lost his job and went back to school to get ANOTHER degree so he can get a job. (Neil has NEVER asked me for money and will argue with me if I offer to pay for anything. )
There were lots of other things said. I have very mixed emotions about what was said. In some ways I feel they are right. I do need to go back to trying to balance MY life with OUR life. I really don't think I can afford to quit the store right now. But, I will sit down and try to come up with a budget to see where I really am financially. I spoke with one of the asst mgrs at the store last night about what they said. She knows the whole story about Siehara. She suggested I just cut back my hours, but not quit. While we were talking, we came up with these ideas that should work/help:
1. not working 8 hour shifts--only doing 4-4.5hr shifts.
2. only working about 12-15 hrs per week
3. not working Saturday mornings so we can bring synagogue back into our life
I left a note for the main manager for her to call me on Monday so I can talk to her about these things. She is very understanding and flexible and I (and Aesha), don't think any of these things will be an issue.
My going out has slowed down quite a bit. When Neil comes here, he doesn't want her to think that he is just trying to take me from her. We want to do more family things together, but it's been hard with her behavior the way it has been. I am going to make more of an effort to make sure we do stuff together. I am also going to move the futon out of her bedroom and into the living room. I don't know why I never thought of it. Right now, there is only a sofa, a coffee table and a TV. If I move the futon out, there will be 3 more places to sit and one LESS place for her to throw her crap in her room. I put it into her bedroom thinking it would give her a place to relax in her room, plus give a sleep space for overnight guests. Well, she never hangs out in her room and it can still be used as a sleep space, just in the living room instead of in her room.
I am working on doing a major overhaul/clean out of her room. I want to be sure I find any "contraband" that she has in there before she gets home. I also want it immaculate so she has a great starting poing and can hopefully keep it this way. The old toys are going and things will be super organized.
All that being said, I'm off to go put some more work in on her room.
My tracker
hers 
I am sorry that you feel attacked by them. I am proud of you for being able to take any of the truth they said to heart and to try and make a change with that in mind. I do think you are right that they do not understand because it seems like they are over looking the fact that the child has a MH diagnosis and that blaming you is not going to address that. You did not cause that.
You work very hard at making the changes you need to make for her. Very easy for them to judge because they do not live your life. You do an amazing job for the limited resources you have, But you are right balance in all things is a good idea.
Hugs to you we are here for you
You work very hard at making the changes you need to make for her. Very easy for them to judge because they do not live your life. You do an amazing job for the limited resources you have, But you are right balance in all things is a good idea.
Hugs to you we are here for you
Knowing the Caines - and knowing you - tell them to pound sand - and wish them the best with their children...I hope they NEVER have any issues with their children. I'm sorry - they have NO right to open their mouths to you. I am pissed for you. Who the hell do they think they are? They don't live in your house, or live your life. I think it really is time to cut ties with them. Sorry if that is harsh - but I can't stand their holier than thou attitudes. They are no better......That is all!
Love you!
Love you!
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!Most Active
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