divorce

GOOD MORNING EVERY ONE I HAVE A QUESTION AND REALLY WOULD LIKE SOME HONEST ANSWERS.I JUST CELEBRATED 3 YRS IN FEB. AND STILL MAINTAING MY WEIGHT IT.My wife however has struggled with her weight ever since i have been with her.she choose not to have any surgey she did weigh****chers and was doing well for a while,but stopped going to meetings.And to this day she is struggling.

As for me this journey has had many ups and downs,but i would do it again in a min.

Here is the current issue we have serprated and are heading for divorce.She told me not to long ago i have changed since the surgey,
that i was obessing with my weight =there were times where i did do that but it wasn't like being on the scale every 10 seconds.and said i had become very vain,i have asked several people whom i know would tell me if tha t was the case.

There was also another issue i had to have a herni surgey and after
the surgey it wasn't healing right and i was in a lot of pain i went back to the doc he gave pain meds and i became addiccted to them
but there was still a problem he did the surgey in oct. and didn't go back in til jan. the staples for the mess never dissolved that what was causing the pain.by now i am in full blown additction.i have been in and out of additiction for over 35 years this is the first time i have sought treatment i go to na. this all happend 2010.

She told me wew work though it and we were. then i april of 2011
she was having some female problems and had to have surgey.And i had quit going to meetings at at that point  and relapsed and was sreling her pain meds.

And there were issues with m step son and i

But i did go back to the rooms and i am nine months clean.

 as time was going on i was i had work injury back i 2010
so iwas home all the time and was di=oing the house work etc.

She came to me the day after thanksgiving which the day day before we had a wonderful day at my aunts for thanksgivig.
Any way she said she wasn't happy and wanted time apart
ok from that day until 12/30 i found an apt moved and back out on my own.
 my question is by me losing the weight and working out and running and eating right 95% of the time lol
I am not saying what i did with the pills had nothing to do with it
she told we would grt threw that.

i love trying on clothes and try to look nice now never could before
her struggles continues we would be going out somewhere
 and she would break down in tears because nothing fit her
she would asked me to help her i would try but if i said come on lets got to the gym, she would catch an attitude.

let just finish with this i loved my wife uncondtionly,
i would like to know if me losing weight has affected her
by wanting a divorce,and i am not niave enough to belelive that pillis
weren't part of it and the stepson thing.

one more thing i started running last summer and was doing 5-6 miles and felt great.i recently just started again and plan to do
my first 5k. ia m 51 yrs old and i am going on with my life.

Would really apperciate some goo feedback thank you all.

GM,

WOW! What a whirlwind your lives have been!!

The problems that you are having with your wife are not that unusual....whether she chose to have surgery or not, I am sure she is struggling with your success. I had a similar situation with an ex-friend of mine. She had the surgery in 2007, and did VERY well with it! I had seen her about 10 months post surgery and she looked like a totally different person! Although I was happy to see her success, I also was very jealous! I at that time was pushing 400lbs, but didn't want to do the surgery. Well, long story short, my jealousy ended our VERY long friendship. I finally decided to have RNY in 2008 and then had the surgery in June of 2009.

I am sure this is not the only issue, the pills I am sure contributed to her unhappiness, along with issues with your stepson. It sounds like it is multiple issues that have snowballed out of control.

One of the most important things I have learned on this journey is how to get rid of toxic people or situations. You may love your wife, but it doesn't seem like it is reciprocal. Now, I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like she may be a toxic person to you.

Congrats to you for keeping your weight off and  keeping up with exercise!! At 3 years out it is hard to continue that! I am struggling with doing those things, but I will get back to it!!

Do what you feel is best for you and your situation.

Beth

It sounds like you've had many twists and turns and have landed on your feet and headed in the right direction. . .  have you considered marriage counseling? 

Since you are in recovery, you know well that "addiction" affects everyone around us, before your "pill" addiction, you had food to get you through things.  I am no counselor, but your wife, it sounds like, feels like she lost her best friend when you changed the nature of things that were once a strong part of your existence and it sounds like she has her own struggles, as many people do.  I'd strongly suggest trying to find a counselor who has some experience within the family dynamics and weightloss surgery transfer addiction and so on.

Hope both you and your wife can find some solutions that give you each peace and happiness.

Laureen

If you feel there is still hope for you and your wife find a good Marriage and Family therapist that has knowledge of weight loss surgery and work with the threapist with your wife as well as separately.

Honestly I have to say that the answers you are looking for shouldn't and cannot be found here. It seems like you guys need professional help with all the issues you are having. Someone who is impartial and who's job it is to help couples. I have seen many couples ask for advice for their marriage and although people mean well, all they have is opinions and there is A LOT of bad advice out there. In MY opinion no body should give marital advice except for a marriage counselor. Marriage is far too important to not get professional help. Just saying.