Tricky Maneuvering

I remember when I first had my surgery and I thought, "I will HAVE to find a new way of dealing with emotions, because I will NOT be able to eat through them."  And, of course, almost five years out, I find that I can most certainly eat through my emotions.  So now it really becomes a choice and a struggle.  I have to make a conscious effort to find some other way -- some way I'm not used to and am not comfortable with. 

Today, I randomly found out that my college boyfriend passed away.  We were together 5 years, and I loved him with all my heart, which he broke abruptly and harshly when he met someone else.  I had touched based with him through Facebook not too long before he passed away.  He died in June 2011, and I just found out today. 

I have no idea what to do with my emotions.  I cannot even identify them yet.  I want to have a good cry and talk to a friend, but I'm at work and those things are just not an option.  So I met my old friend, "food," and stuffed down my feelings until I can get home and cry, journal, look at old photographs, and talk to someone.

I have to say that once again I am so very grateful for my surgery and for OA because while I did eat some comfort food, I did not eat sugar, and I could not eat NEARLY what I would have in the past, or even would have liked to now.  My tool still works and I really am grateful for that. 

This makes two very important people from my youth who passed away last year.  I'm only 52.  I didn't think my contemporaries would be dying just yet! 

I know this is a reminder to me from God to live my life to the fullest -- enjoying, cherishing and appreciating every moment of every day I have.  I am so grateful for my weight loss, my recovery from alcoholism, my family and my friends, both face-to-face and online.

thanks for letting me share.

Jill,

So sorry to hear about your friend! Being with someone for 5 years is a huge chunk of your life!! It is totally normal to not know what feelings to feel or what to do with those feelings.

If you want to talk, PM me or FB me....

Love, Beth