Food crazies again.
I am struggling again. I have to be able to admit that I don't get this perfectly. I still struggle. I do NOT eat sugar. But, damn, if I didn't open a bag of tortilla chips this weekend, knowing they get me going. I binge ate last night. I can't make it sound any prettier than that. I ate carbs, waited an hour, ate more, waited an hour and ate more. My nighttime snack turned into three nighttime snacks, and I finished at 2 a.m. Can I stop? God, I sure hope so. I have excuses, but none really good enough. I can identify what happened -- I was sick. I have a terrible head and chest cold. I feel miserable. All I wanted to do was sleep and eat. And I did both.
And then this morning, it showed on the scale, and I pulled out my journal, my prayers, my Bible, my meditation book, my Plan of Eating and my food scale. Ate my planned breakfast and have all my planned food in place for the day. I don't want one day of "bad" eating to turn into 2 or 2 months or a year or whatever. So far today is fine. I've eaten on plan. I don't have any cravings. I'm satisfied. I swear I think I ate last night seeking comfort. I didn't feel good. I wanted to pout. I wanted someone to take care of me. I wanted to feel better, and in my previous life, food = feeling better. Not so much anymore. I think hot tea might have been all I needed. I don't know why sometimes I am perfectly happy eating 1/2 of an english muffin, and then sometimes I want 2 whole english muffins. Now, I can't eat that much in one sitting, but that's what happened last night -- I kept going back for more at spaced out intervals. Other nights, 1/2 of an english muffin would be perfectly fine. Of course, I now realize as I'm typing this that I put peanut butter on it the first time, and I know that can be a danger food for me. Maybe that set up the craving for more. In this moment, I am okay. I do know that often at night I do not want my planned snack of dairy, but would prefer to have a refined carbohydrate. The rest of the day it doesn't seem to make me crazy. What's up with all that night eating anyway? I know it's a danger time for lots of people! Thanks for listening and for being willing to help me out here. I really want to stop the craziness.
And then this morning, it showed on the scale, and I pulled out my journal, my prayers, my Bible, my meditation book, my Plan of Eating and my food scale. Ate my planned breakfast and have all my planned food in place for the day. I don't want one day of "bad" eating to turn into 2 or 2 months or a year or whatever. So far today is fine. I've eaten on plan. I don't have any cravings. I'm satisfied. I swear I think I ate last night seeking comfort. I didn't feel good. I wanted to pout. I wanted someone to take care of me. I wanted to feel better, and in my previous life, food = feeling better. Not so much anymore. I think hot tea might have been all I needed. I don't know why sometimes I am perfectly happy eating 1/2 of an english muffin, and then sometimes I want 2 whole english muffins. Now, I can't eat that much in one sitting, but that's what happened last night -- I kept going back for more at spaced out intervals. Other nights, 1/2 of an english muffin would be perfectly fine. Of course, I now realize as I'm typing this that I put peanut butter on it the first time, and I know that can be a danger food for me. Maybe that set up the craving for more. In this moment, I am okay. I do know that often at night I do not want my planned snack of dairy, but would prefer to have a refined carbohydrate. The rest of the day it doesn't seem to make me crazy. What's up with all that night eating anyway? I know it's a danger time for lots of people! Thanks for listening and for being willing to help me out here. I really want to stop the craziness.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
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