TEENAGER CRISIS

So, my roll call.... summary.. phone on floor of bedroom, checked messages, found sexting.. explicit.. really scarily explicit....same dude AND another one...

    I BLOCKED HIS NUMBER.  Found out that she has one of the keys to my bedroom and has gotten on my computer multiple times.  She figured out my password and was able to unblock the number.   I changed my passwords AGAIN and blocked everything on her phone except calling.  

Needless to say, I also took the phone away for an undetermined amount of time.  I am going to get a cordless phone to hook up to my work line so while I'm at work she has something for emergencies.

 I also have a call in already to Kids Peace to get a crisis appointment with them ASAP!   I also disconnected the cable from the TV in the living room and am going to take time today before she gets home to go through her room and remove anything that is remotely entertaining.  

She is obviously reaching out and I am at wit's end and scared for her.  Hopefully, Kids Peace can get her in today.  I am going to have to call Dress Barn and work something out as far as work goes.  I made a call 2 weeks ago to Big Sisters, but they don't have anything/anyone til at least February.  They told me to call back then.  

Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry til I can't cry anymore. 

Lisa I'm so sorry to hear this, especially after the nice evening you had with her last night. I sincerely hope Kids Peace can get her in ASAP. I'm sure she thinks this whole 'sexting' thing is harmless, but there are so many predators out there.

Hugs and prayers coming out to both of you...Kathy

Lisa,

I am sorry to read that things are in upheaval with your daughter, but the fact that you are doing what you are, is all good.  You are taking a positive and active part in her life, she cannot see it now, but someday I promise you, she will thank you for caring enough to take the tough stances she is pushing you to take, as well as seeking help for the situation.  Being a parent is never easy, but today in the world we live in, one in which kids can access so much, so easily, it is harder than ever. 

While I feel your pain, rest assured you are being a most loving and wonderful Mom to a girl who is as you said, reaching out and you are doing the best job possible to see that she does not get hurt in the process.

Hugs, Laureen

P.S.  Since kids can be creative in finding ways around locks (I speak from personal experience within things my Mom did to me), might I suggest you taking the keyboard with you when you go out of the house, a pain in the ass, but then if she does find a way in the room, you can keep her from being able to get online.

 Great idea on the keyboard, Laureen.  I will definitely be doing that and/or disconnecting and hiding the internet cord (which was a suggestion by the woman at Kids Peace).

Do you know if she is displaying any of this behavior/talk at school?  Maybe calling her school's counselor or the district's psychologist and asking for some help or suggestions of counselors. 

Sorry you are going through this Lisa!

 Victoria, I know that she has shown signs of "not caring" at school, but don't know if any of this is happening.  

I will definitely contact the counselor to see what she says. 

Lisa,

I am sending a BIG cyber ((HUG))!!! I can't imagine being a single parent of a teenager these days! Keep your hard stance, she may hate you now, but she will thank you later!!

I agree with Victoria, I think you need to talk to the school counselor/psychologist to make them aware of what is going on at home. There are many avenues you can try to help Siehara out as well as making your life as a single parent better.

Just know that I am here for you and Siehara!!

Love, Beth

 Hi there - Does she have to have a phone?  Have you asked her what EACH AND EVERY text she wrote and received means?  Ask her where she learned it from.  Have an extremely open and honest conversation about them.  Ask her if she wants to do these things with someone.  Ask her why.  I truly feel if a child is old enough to read and write about something then they are old enough to have a conversation about it. 

Although, I didn't talk about Josh having sex with someone until he was somewhere between 14 and 15, I remember telling him that if you do all the things you are thinking about doing now, then what is there left to do when you REALLY find someone to love and love you back.  I think that hit home.  Fortunately, with Molly, she has no interest to talk about it let alone do it.  I am pretty confident in that, as we spoke with her therapist.  Molly with her alone, and then with Molly, her therapist and us.

As for your bedroom, I think a combination lock is what you now need and I think you need to take the money it costs to keep replacing things, come right out of her Bat Mitzvah money.  Also, and I know this is harsh - Hold back a few of her Hanukkah presents.  There is no rule that says that kids HAVE to get gifts.  She just proved to you that she did not earn it.  I know it is going to be more difficult for you then her, however, tough love is always worse on the parent.  And yes, I have done it for different reasons.  Believe me, it does work.

What are you plans with her for her break?  I would consider getting her some workbooks so that her downtime is minimal.  It is defintely more work for you, but she can not be left to her own devises.  AND...I still think it is ABSOLUTELY ok for you to go to work and she is old enough to be left alone.  Give her SPECIFIC instructions when you leave, and if it is not done, then you will be sure she does it at night when you get home, no matter what the time or how tired she is.

I apologize if this sounds rough, it is.  However, you are a strong woman and I KNOW you can do whatever it is that you put your mind to.  Maybe not all of this, or none of it.  This is just my two cents, but I think harsh for a while is what she needs.  

Here are the things that I know....1, I love you.  2, I know you are an amazing parent.  3.  Siehara will turn out to be an amazing adult because of all the work you put in.  4.  IT REALLY SUCKS to not have your parents when you are going through this! and finally, 5 - have I mentioned that I love you and think that you are a strong woman?!?! 

I am here if you want to vent!

Steffi,

Good stuff. . .  

 Hey sis... no she does NOT have to have the phone.  I put a cordless phone in the kitchen that is attached to my work line.  She can use that in case of emergency while she is home alone.  

I like what you said to Josh about doing everything now and there being nothing left for later.  I am going to use that the next time we talk. 

No gift tonight.. working both jobs tomorrow and Dress Barn all day Saturday.  We are going to the neighbor's for Christmas Eve.  I have already mentioned something about Siehara spending time with them during the day while I am working.. also told them to have her help them prep/clean for their guests.....    The parents (and daughter who is Siehara's age) know some of what has been going on, so I know they will respect the no computer/phone thing.  This is the girl who told me about what Siehara was doing at the mall.    I'm thinking that I will bring a present with me so she can open something while we are there.  I'll see how she is tomorrow after school (1/2 day) and Saturday's day with the neighbors.  

You did not sound rough at all.  I love you, too.. and YES doing this without any family support is so difficult.  I didn't realize how much I needed them until the past few years.  

Tough love is the hardest love to give and it IS much harder on me than it is on her.  With the help of all of you, we will make it through this somehow.