TGIF - The Elephant in my head - Dealing with regain

Well as I reflect on the past weeks ups and downs, I must say that it was mostly a good week, at least where my food choices were concerned, the downside for me right now is exercise and the lack thereof, as my back is still not right and I have yet to figure all that out. Looked into gyms with pools and just can't add that into my budget right now, so I'm truly considering going back and doing a very modified workout just to keep what I've lost in the past several months off and not have a backslide into regain.

This Wednesday past, we had our support group and I told my story in celebration of my 4 years, two things happened that day and the first was that I printed out a picture of me taken at my family reunion in August 2007 to bring with me to my support group, it was on my desk and one of the people I work with looked at it, he asked if that was a relative of mine, lol, I told him that was me and he was incredulous, then when I got to the place where we have support group as I went to take out the only item of clothing I still own from back then, a leather jacket that my cousin who had WLS in 2004 had given me, I was afraid that the jacket was going to fit me like it used to. . . which was very tight across the belly. . . so there I stood in the parking lot, in the rain, trying on that jacket on to see if it fit; guess what, it wrapped around my body, a sigh of relief is what I felt, you see I'm still fearing and expecting to be "fluffy" again, 4 years have passed since I turned myself over to the capable hands of my surgeon, countless hours in the gym, lots of time spent in buying and preparing food the way it should be for someone on our journey and still I cannot relax and believe where I am today. I am afraid that if I relax, after all I did that last year and had a regain, the result will be the old person I was, and while being fluffy should not define me as a person, I was for most of my life and I really don't want to be that way again, and so the work to maintain this new physical self is where I am trying to hone my skills today, that and changing my perceptions on me today. I am a work in progress, my head and heart still don't match up, my heart is big, but the acceptance factor in my head, not so much.

Thanks for reading and sharing in my journey.

Laureen

Your head is right where a post opper would and should be.  It will be a fight to stay on the wagon till the end.  Keep your head high and fight the good fight.  We are all with you.

I like what Nan said, as I often hear in "the rooms," You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.  I'm glad I'm a part of your journey.  Congratulations.