Still feel tested sometimes
This morning one of my bosses yelled at me. She lost her temper over something HER boss did, then took it out on me. It really had nothing to do with me. I felt hurt, angry, humiliated, worthless, disrespected and abused. Funny how a few little words spoken in anger can evoke such a multitude of emotions in me. And where do you suppose my mind went? Did I want to punch her in the mouth? Nope. I wanted a Big Mac and fries. WTH?
Another secretary walked by my desk a little later and asked if she could take me out for a beer at lunchtime. Of course, being a recovering alcohol, I had to decline. But what I really wanted was a trip to McDonald's, rather than to sit here and eat my planned Smart Ones.
Why does anger translate into starvation?
I gotta tell you that I am really blessed today because I had an OA friend that I could reach out to right away to talk me off the ledge. Would a Big Mac change anything? Fix it? Even make me feel better? Yeah, maybe for about a nano second, which would then be followed by intense feelings of guilt, remorse and shame, not to mention severe bloating!
So, instead of eating my feelings, I worked through them -- thinking, talking about it, praying about it, finally coming to a place of forgiveness. I ate my planned meal, and it was the best frozen dinner I have ever tasted. LOL.
Thanks for letting me share.
Another secretary walked by my desk a little later and asked if she could take me out for a beer at lunchtime. Of course, being a recovering alcohol, I had to decline. But what I really wanted was a trip to McDonald's, rather than to sit here and eat my planned Smart Ones.
Why does anger translate into starvation?
I gotta tell you that I am really blessed today because I had an OA friend that I could reach out to right away to talk me off the ledge. Would a Big Mac change anything? Fix it? Even make me feel better? Yeah, maybe for about a nano second, which would then be followed by intense feelings of guilt, remorse and shame, not to mention severe bloating!
So, instead of eating my feelings, I worked through them -- thinking, talking about it, praying about it, finally coming to a place of forgiveness. I ate my planned meal, and it was the best frozen dinner I have ever tasted. LOL.
Thanks for letting me share.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
hat you're my hero?!?!?! 
Jill,
SOOOOO DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!
((HUGS)) Beth
SOOOOO DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!
((HUGS)) Beth
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Jill,
Congratulations on working through things, and I so understand where you went inside yourself when that incident happened, as I spent 1.5 years in hell literally at my current job, being mistreated daily by someone and for a while I was able to work through it, but then I succumbed to many such moments you describe so well, the ones that were followed by guilt, remorse and shame and as a result I regained some weight until I finally surrendered to the reality that eating my way through my feelings does not produce the desired effect I was going to it for and as you so well stated, it leaves a bitter aftertaste that shows up in real time in the form of tighter clothing and a sense of failure, we've worked too hard to fall into that hole again, but it's nice to know that when/if we do, there is a hand to reach out to for help. Thanks for being one hand among many.
Laureen
Congratulations on working through things, and I so understand where you went inside yourself when that incident happened, as I spent 1.5 years in hell literally at my current job, being mistreated daily by someone and for a while I was able to work through it, but then I succumbed to many such moments you describe so well, the ones that were followed by guilt, remorse and shame and as a result I regained some weight until I finally surrendered to the reality that eating my way through my feelings does not produce the desired effect I was going to it for and as you so well stated, it leaves a bitter aftertaste that shows up in real time in the form of tighter clothing and a sense of failure, we've worked too hard to fall into that hole again, but it's nice to know that when/if we do, there is a hand to reach out to for help. Thanks for being one hand among many.
Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
I had a similar situation at a former job; after my boss got done chewing me out, I left the office and went about my work. I took a day and went back into his office late in the day and asked "OK, what was that all about?" He had the grace to look
shamefaced and admit that he had had an argument with his wife, and apologized for his behavior.
Can you walk into your boss's office and calmly let her know that you know she was under some stress, but that you do not consider it professional behavior to treat you the way she
had done the previous day? If she's any kind of a human being she should apologize for her actions.
I'm proud of you for finding another way to deal with the stress.
Good girl!!
shamefaced and admit that he had had an argument with his wife, and apologized for his behavior.
Can you walk into your boss's office and calmly let her know that you know she was under some stress, but that you do not consider it professional behavior to treat you the way she
had done the previous day? If she's any kind of a human being she should apologize for her actions.
I'm proud of you for finding another way to deal with the stress.
Good girl!!
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