How can you be obese and "too skinny" at the same time?

My wife text me this morning and asked me "how much do you weigh?"  My reply was "255, for the past six months" why?  She said she would tell me when she got home.  Once she got home I asked her what that was all about. She said that her mother was telling her that "swede is looking way too skinny, how much more is he going to lose, his face almost looks gaunt,  why is he doing this to himself?"  I was like what the heck is she talking about?  I have been to same weight for at least six months, why is she saying something now?  I weigh 255 pounds, really since when is that "too skinny?"  Jen agrees with her mom in the sense that she said "I dont want you losing anymore weight, I dont want some skinny husband"  I dont get it!  I think they are the ones with body dismorphia.  My BMI is 30 which is still "obese"  even if I lose another 20 pounds I will still be overweight.  Im, not too upset about the BMI label.  I really like the way I look right now.  I think that I have never looked better.  As im sure you all can tell by my constant AVI advertisement/self promotion lol.  Anyway, I was irritated with the whole thing.  It just seems like your either too fat or too skinny.  I feel just right!

Swede

You can't win for losing, eh??!

Your family just isn't used to seeing you at your new weight.  Give them time.  As for your "skinny"
appearance, that will gradually go away as your body redistributes whatever excess you have

How tall are you?  That has a lot to do with your weight distribution, also.

All you can do is to do what is right for you.  If you feel healthy at your present weight, just let them
get used to you.

Best wishes,

Thanks Lynn, im 6'4". 

Well, you're obviously working out, so muscle will take up less space than fat does.

Besides, those darned BMI tables are SOOO outdated, even surgeons say that they
are not a good measure of our overall health, but they are kept because the Insurance
companies use them.  Well, if the Insurance Industry wants to use something so darned
old (1950's or earlier) they should be the ones to update their darned databanks. There's
no excuse in this day and age to use such outdated information.

So, go on with your bad self....

Hot damn,  you look good to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swede;

Gene wrestles with the same questions you've posted.  He will be 6 years out in January, for the first couple years was constantly asked if he was okay, did he have an illness that was causing the weightloss, and the best question of all "are you healthy".  Gene did get to the point that he noticed he looked "gaunt" he kept telling me he looked old man and didn't like that look when he'd look at photos we'd take at family functions and such.  What we learned was that his body would adjust to the weight loss and fill back in where it needed to fill in.  His face has filled out, he looks much "healthier"  his weight is now pretty stable within 10 pounds of fluctuation.  His BMI is in the overweight category.

Ida

 

Boy does your post bring back memories!!! I went thru the same thing with my family. My mom was the worst - they thought I looked sick and was so afraid I wouldn't stop losing. Ha fooled them!!

I admit there were times I looked gaunt - and then everything would catch up and even out. I think the 'funniest' effect of this surgery is that most of us lose from the top down. I lost weight in my face, neck,'shoulders and boobs first and omg did I hear it about that!! The loose skin in my neck - the fact that my big boobies were gone. Not the fact that I was becoming healthier and happier with the new me - not the fact that I had more energy and could do more. They just tended to look at the negatives.

If YOU feel great and YOU like the way you look and YOUR doctor(s) are happy with your progress then you need to let them know that.

They will get used to the new you - my family has and it's not an issue now. Give them time to adjust - trust me they will.

Kathy

I try not to listen.  You look & feel great...that is what matters.  I too am technically overweight....today I am 133# (1 pound overweight for being 5'1") but I wear a size 2 jean and a small shirt...how the heck does that happen?!?!  I have lots of folks telling me I am way too skinny.  I tell them I am overweight & watch their confused faces...it is kinda fun to see their dumb expressions.  It is irritating to hear peoples comments...just listen to us...we think you are just perfect the way you are :)

Sara

I have been getting this ALOT lately myself,its hard to hear.I think its because  they are used to us being one way and arent used to us now.My husband has been like pushing food on me because he told me he felt I was turning anerexic.He said he touches me and all he feels is bones.I think if we feel good then thats what should matter.We did this for us and to be healthy  and if we are that...which you are then try not to take it to heart.You have done an amazing job to get where you are,dont let anyone steal your joy.Best  of luck dealing with this,I feel your pain for sure.

I understand what you mean.  I have not reached goal weight and currently run up and down between 165-172.  Now considering the fact that I am only 5'1", that seems to be obese, however, I have no excess body fat and the only thing I am carrying is the excess skin plus the excess fluid from my lymphedema.  So the scale doesn't show a true picture of where I am right now.  I should weight 130 ish.  If I did get down to that I have no idea what I'd look like.  But right now I am skin and bone from the waist up.  To an outside observer they'd probably say I was too thin unless they were looking at me from the waist down.  So they are just focusing on specific parts.  Does you MIL and DW think you are gaunt anywhere else?