Life and work and goals and going a little crazy
I haven't posted regularly in a few weeks, trying to step away from the internet a bit to make space for real life. But I do scan the roll call every day and keep an eye on you all.
My own life is presenting some big decisions. I had a week away in New England a month or so ago and it was like being on a retreat, where I also got to immerse myself in the thing I love most which is my writing. I came back to stare my regular job in the face, and have had to confront how unhappy I am there. Not with the entire job, not with the people as individuals, but it just hasn't been a good fit for me for a long time.
The job also takes a LOT of energy, which has put the balance at home out of whack. Mike is still working atrocious hours on special product development projects and I don't feel I have been available enough to offer him the support he needs in his very precious hours at home. On top of that we have not been able to have a vacation together this summer which is a tradition that I refuse to break (Mike never took vacations before he married me). It's all tied into his job.
And of course there is the issue of my depression, which still is uncomfortable for me to deal with. Not that I feel bad every day - the medication seems to be pretty good - but certain aspects of my job can certainly push my buttons.
So yesterday I had a meeting with my boss - at my initiation. I was ready to announce that I was "retiring" - even though I am too young to really retire from anything, it was the most graceful word I could use for it. He listened well (which surprised me) and agreed that I am balancing a lot....a big family, Mike's job demands, a demanding job, aging parents, etc. He suggested a few options. 1 - I can retire if I want to. 2 - I can take a leave of absence for as long as I need. 3 - I can go part time and define my % of work time. Other responsibilities would shift to someone else.
I am thinking hard about it this weekend. Right now I think the PT option may work. I would not be eager to lose all of my income at once, for sure, and working 3 days a week might feel better. My schedue is very unpredictable so it wouldn't be a steady Mon, Tues, Wed schedule or anything like that....but it would get rid of (or reduce) the amount of guilt I feel over not having everything done and maybe I would like it a bit better. Best of all, I could write more and get some things done around here that seem to be on a perpetual "to do" list.
I'm also checking into some therapy - got a few local referrals from Nicole and hope that this will be helpful.
So that's the scoop. Nothing compared to Ida's trials but enough for me, believe me.
My own life is presenting some big decisions. I had a week away in New England a month or so ago and it was like being on a retreat, where I also got to immerse myself in the thing I love most which is my writing. I came back to stare my regular job in the face, and have had to confront how unhappy I am there. Not with the entire job, not with the people as individuals, but it just hasn't been a good fit for me for a long time.
The job also takes a LOT of energy, which has put the balance at home out of whack. Mike is still working atrocious hours on special product development projects and I don't feel I have been available enough to offer him the support he needs in his very precious hours at home. On top of that we have not been able to have a vacation together this summer which is a tradition that I refuse to break (Mike never took vacations before he married me). It's all tied into his job.
And of course there is the issue of my depression, which still is uncomfortable for me to deal with. Not that I feel bad every day - the medication seems to be pretty good - but certain aspects of my job can certainly push my buttons.
So yesterday I had a meeting with my boss - at my initiation. I was ready to announce that I was "retiring" - even though I am too young to really retire from anything, it was the most graceful word I could use for it. He listened well (which surprised me) and agreed that I am balancing a lot....a big family, Mike's job demands, a demanding job, aging parents, etc. He suggested a few options. 1 - I can retire if I want to. 2 - I can take a leave of absence for as long as I need. 3 - I can go part time and define my % of work time. Other responsibilities would shift to someone else.
I am thinking hard about it this weekend. Right now I think the PT option may work. I would not be eager to lose all of my income at once, for sure, and working 3 days a week might feel better. My schedue is very unpredictable so it wouldn't be a steady Mon, Tues, Wed schedule or anything like that....but it would get rid of (or reduce) the amount of guilt I feel over not having everything done and maybe I would like it a bit better. Best of all, I could write more and get some things done around here that seem to be on a perpetual "to do" list.
I'm also checking into some therapy - got a few local referrals from Nicole and hope that this will be helpful.
So that's the scoop. Nothing compared to Ida's trials but enough for me, believe me.
Lynn, kudos to you for going to your boss and kudos to him for listening! It sounds like he offered up some very good options to you and you definitely have some things to think about. Life can be so overwhelming at times but you've taken a good first step in taking care of yourself.
I've been in my current position 10+ years now, and that's too long - we are definitely moving in the next year to Florida to be closer to family, so I keep telling myself I can tough it out, but my heart isn't in it anymore - sadly the money and benefits I have keep me tied to it. And I work for a major corporation, so the option of going part-time or taking an extended leave isn't possible. I envy you those options.
I hope you pursue your passion of writing - I love interior decorating and both times I was laid off from 'regular' jobs had hoped it was something I would transition into, but good job opportunities were almost handed to me on a silver platter and were offers I just couldn't refuse at the time.
And it's possible that if you can begin pursuing your writing passion it will help with your depression? We should all have something we're passionate about!!
Good luck and keep us posted! Kathy
I've been in my current position 10+ years now, and that's too long - we are definitely moving in the next year to Florida to be closer to family, so I keep telling myself I can tough it out, but my heart isn't in it anymore - sadly the money and benefits I have keep me tied to it. And I work for a major corporation, so the option of going part-time or taking an extended leave isn't possible. I envy you those options.
I hope you pursue your passion of writing - I love interior decorating and both times I was laid off from 'regular' jobs had hoped it was something I would transition into, but good job opportunities were almost handed to me on a silver platter and were offers I just couldn't refuse at the time.
And it's possible that if you can begin pursuing your writing passion it will help with your depression? We should all have something we're passionate about!!
Good luck and keep us posted! Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Lynn,
Sounds like your stepping away has netted you some helpful insight into what you want to pursue and now you've been given options as to how to go about it. Sounds like something good is happening for you and you deserve it, plus it will hopefully give you the balance and ability to pursue what your passion is and that to me sounds like a win, win situation and I sure hope that's what it turns out to be. . .
Hugs, Laureen
Sounds like your stepping away has netted you some helpful insight into what you want to pursue and now you've been given options as to how to go about it. Sounds like something good is happening for you and you deserve it, plus it will hopefully give you the balance and ability to pursue what your passion is and that to me sounds like a win, win situation and I sure hope that's what it turns out to be. . .
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Lynn,
I am so proud of you for stepping up and talking to your boss about your needs. That is a great way to take care of yourself.
I empathize with the depression aspect of your life. I have been dealing with it in some form or fashion for most of my life, as I am bipolar. I have been in therapy for over 20 years, and have made a lot of headway and made some radical changes in the way I deal with life. I hope you find a good therapist, and that you are able to get the help you need in that relationship.
Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Trish
I am so proud of you for stepping up and talking to your boss about your needs. That is a great way to take care of yourself.
I empathize with the depression aspect of your life. I have been dealing with it in some form or fashion for most of my life, as I am bipolar. I have been in therapy for over 20 years, and have made a lot of headway and made some radical changes in the way I deal with life. I hope you find a good therapist, and that you are able to get the help you need in that relationship.
Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
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