The real reasons I have been MIA

I actually said no to Phillies tickets for this Wednesday with a friend who I LOVE to be with because I have to start following my brain.  I have been to many Phillies games this year - i MUST make it to support group.  I had made arrangements to go this past Saturday, was not going to go to camp even, but was too sick to do it anyway.  You are absolutely right, its the pushing past the depression to do what works for us.  For me that is being with people that I adore and I think like me back! ;)

I have yet to tell my family outside of Larry and the kids.  Not sure how they will react, I will tell them at some point.  I will astart with my SIL as she is a therapist and will be the most receptive and understanding.  Telling my in-laws - that will take time, I don't really have a lot of respect for my MIL, who BTW IS bipolar - and decided to NOT take medication all on her own against medical advise.  My side of the family, don't know.  My aunt and uncle don't necessarily believe "throwing drugs" at the problem is the right thing to do.  And my sister - well, we don't see eye to eye on pretty much anything, so can't decide what to do with her.  I will decide in time and it will all be part of my healing and moving forward.

Thanks for all your words and support Laura - hope this baby makes a smooth entrance for you.

Dear Steffi - first and foremost I am sending big hugs and prayers your way - I have missed you greatly out here with our wit and humor and had no idea you were battling these horrible demons - I hope and pray that you have them under control and are feeling more like your old self very soon.

I have times when I feel depressed, but have never had to deal with anything like you're going through, so I can only imagine how awful it must be. And one thing you spoke to struck me and that was not getting your nails done, etc. To some people that might seem shallow, but if you are someone who is always meticulous about your appearance (and I know you are) that is a huge sign that something is definitely not right.

You know we're always here whenever you need us. I hope you're feeling better and getting the medical attention you need to battle this horrible disease.

Hugs and prayers - Kathy

Thanks Kathy - I appreciate your words and understanding.  I actually showered and wore make-up last night.  Larry was cute - he said - "now wonder you look so pretty" with a little wink.  He knew how much I needed to do that.  I am going to try to get my nails done tomorrow afternoon again so they are ready for my anniversary weekend with Larry over the next four days.  Today was a pretty good day for most of it, I found myself getting sad and cranky based on the moods of others, and I did then turn here for help.  I started responding here and felt better.  Not great mid you, but definitely better.

Thanks again! :)

Love & Hugs.

And then MORE Love & Hugs!

Thank you - I am taking them all over and over and over again! :)

***HUGS***

Steffi sweet Steffi, Nothing here is new to me but glad you felt up to posting and sharing to get support and feel better. I am glad that I was able to be there for you and even make you go OUT at least one day. Even though once I left you it broke my heart because I told Dennis "Her sparkle is missing in her eyes" I am scared for her.

Know your support sisters are always here for you and I am a phone call away I can be there in 5 minutes you have witness me driving. Need me to take you to the doctors I am there, need someone to keep you company when Larry is at work I am there. Just call me or text me.

Love you and you are not alone. I am always here for you!

Two words - Thank you!  followed by three more - I love you!  That is pretty much all.  As none of this has been a secret to you, I as you know appreciate your love, compassion and friendship!  It is very possible I will call on you when Larry goes back to work. THanks again my sister! :)

Welcome back Steffi!  Im very proud of you for pushing yourself to reflect on this and to share it with us.  We are all here to support you.  I would encourgae you to share this with your husband and family if you havent done so already.  They are your BIGGEST supporters and they have a vested interest in you and want you to be happy.  Let them know it all and support you as well.  Also, medications, as great as they are merely an assist for us when it comes to mental health issues.  They will help you but they will not solve your problems for you.  They will allow you to get to a place where you can function so that YOU can do the work that is necessary to be healthy.  Use the medications but more importantly, do the work too.  You dont operate in a vacuum so you need to let others know what you are feeling and struggling with so they can help you as well.  You are not alone in this process! 
Swede

Hi Steffi,
The challenge of a life sure can get hard but being REAL will make it better. It's a part of the treatment and it's so important. Important to feel you have control of your life, your feelings, your duties, your part, and it's all steady, not beyond you and not to be taken for granted.

I feel like your post has lifted some of the haze that's been placed on you. I sure want it too. Getting all these chemicals right is a challenge but you can meet it. Learning to cope is a challenge but you can, you've got the skills. Learning to share and let the support in, well you have some experience with that too. You understand how we all need to be here for you. You've done it for others. Now it's your turn. Take it.

Lovingly,
Your friend, 

Den 

Sending you big hugs.  Glad to see you again!