Really stressed out this morning.

This morning I am struggling.  There is a situation in my home that I am not happy with.  I don’t want to deal with it.  I don’t know how to deal with it.  I think I know what I need to do, but it is uncomfortable.  Of course, the situation as it is now is uncomfortable, awkward and stressful.  I prayed for calmness this morning.  I do not act out violently, but rather turn everything inward and lose inner calmness.  My insides are a churning ocean in a storm, while my outside appears like a peaceful lake.

 

I think I won’t drink or eat, but when I get off the train, even after prayer and meditation, I choose a “different" breakfast than what was in my plan.  My head starts spinning about that choice.  It isn’t WHAT I am choosing to eat.  It is WHY I am choosing to eat it.  I make a second decision to toss what is not on my plan and, by the grace of God, I do that when I get into the office.

 

And I obsess about the real problem.  And I know the problem isn’t really the situation, but rather the problem is my inability to deal with the situation.  I feel paralyzed when I need to take action.  I feel fear, but I cannot even identify what I am afraid of.  I am not sure I trust myself to know what the next right thing to do is.  I want to pass the buck to Bill and ask him to deal with it.  Maybe that IS the next right thing. 

 

Acceptance vs. The Courage To Change.  I spent so many months reading the paragraphs on “Acceptance" in the Big Book.  It is posted at my desk to read when I am stressed or disturbed.  It tells me to accept my situation.  But then I pray the Serenity Prayer and know that sometimes I need to accept, but at other times I need to change; and in order to do that, I need to pray for courage.  In this case, I believe “acceptance" would be misguided complacency and denial.

 

I know that other people would just do what needs to be done, or they would say what needs to be said.  Why are these things so difficult for me?  I continue to learn, to grow and recover.  I am turning this situation over to my Higher Power even as I write this, asking Him to direct my thinking, words and actions this day.  Thanks for listening.

Jill,

Sometimes it is difficult to do what needs to be done! I think that is called being human.

I hope you find peace and a solution to the issue....Come to Barix tomorrow, if nothing else we can support you!!

Love and hugs, Beth

I will definitely be there, Beth, and hopefully will have a good report!

 Hugs coming to you Jill.. I hope you are able to find the answers.  We can't take it all on.  If Bill is able to lighten the load for you, please let him.

It is ok to ask for help.  It is a strength to recognize when you cannot face/do something alone.  Take a deep breath and take the next step you need to for yourself.

You can do it.

Maura

Peace Jill - no words of wisdom but sending prayers your way to make good choices and find peace in your life.

Kathy