Thoughts on my 2 year surgiversary (long)

     Boy - what a difference a year makes.  This time last year I was beaming with pride at reaching the milestone of my first surgiversary.  I was in the midst of getting tons of compliments and just loved the way my new thin body looked.  Jump forward one year and I want to cry sitting here typing this post.  I have been in hiding and have purposely kept away from Barix because I did not want to see how much weight I have gained.  Can you say - DENIAL.  Regain seems to be my middle name these days.  I was able to get to Zumba and to Yoga this week so that is good.  I just feel like such a S**T these days.  I am working with my therapist on a lot of this stuff and I am feeling my feelings - IT SUCKS.  

     What I do know is that I have no schedule since I have lost my job.  Many days I don't eat anything until 12 noon because I get up so late.  It's no wonder that I am hungry at night.  I need to eat denser protein so that I get a fuller feeling in my pouch.

     I am feeling so much shame these days and of course feel like a phony and a failure.  I'm going down to Cape May on Sunday to do some volunteer work for a week.  I will be on a schedule and eating 3 regular meals a day.  I am packing healthy snacks to bring with me so I don't get tempted to eat lots of junk.

     Year two is a lot harder than year one.  I don't know how to live as a person who is maintaining a healthy weight.  I have never done this and some days I wonder if I can.  I am not totally without hope - I have been given a tool and it still works if I work with it.  There are many people who love and support me if I would just reach out to them.  

     Sorry for the rambling.  I knew that I had to be honest with all of you and myself.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Donna 

Donna, I was at Barix last month and missed seeing you there. And I have also realized that you weren't posting here, despite your intention to do so. I've missed you.

We are, if nothing else, creatures of habit. Some of us live and breathe by the schedule we set - I'm like that, and don't do very well without structure to my days. So I can only imagine that the lack of schedule, on top of the issues you faced job wise, have turned things upside down. And yes, those old habits and patterns of coping (or not coping) lie in wait for us. My visual is that they are lurking just around the corner, waiting for me to stumble into their trap.

The truth is, my friend, that we all DO stumble. Life happens. And we need help. You HAVE learned a lot in the past 2 years and you are NOT a failure by any stretch of the imagination. One thing I do know for sure: this is not a solo flight. It takes the support of people who get it. We all know how to label ourselves a "failure" because a diet didn't work, or because we were morbidly obese, or because we had to walk thru the door of a surgeon's office. The challenge now is to get up again and square those shoulders and do the things you know how to do. One at a time. One step at a time.

Tell us this Donna. What parts ARE you doing well? Vitamins? Fluids? Protein? Remember that these are the nuts and bolts of your physical well being - weight aside.

I am sorry you are going through a tunnel right now. Don't be ashamed to reach out and to come to support. That is exactly what it's for. {{{hugs}}} to you - Lynn

Thanx Lynn for your supportive message.  Am feeling a little better today and have been eating a little healthier.  This journey that we are on is a marathon and I need to stop seeing it as a sprint.  Will be going to the Wed. support group in July.  I'll miss the Saturday July meeting because I will be down the shore.  I am hoping that a change of scenery will give me a burst of energy.  Hope that you are enjoying Florida.  Take care.

Donna,

I feel your pain and I am in the exact same spot that you are! I have gained about ten pounds since last year and I am not happy about it, but I STILL go to support because I NEED to!! There is no need to feel ashamed or like a failure!! We are here for you no matter what! We love you and want to support you! I am glad that you reached out to me and please don't hesitate to do it again!!!!

I have decided that this summer is going to be about getting my head back in the program and support is a BIG part of that!! I went back to my therapist after a couple of months of not going and I felt better but I know that there are many things I need to work on. We are having a Saturday meeting on July 2 and I want you to come. Sit next to me and we will commiserate together!!

Call me if you want to talk....

Love you!
Beth

HAPPY SURGIVERSARY!!!!!

Thanx Beth for your vote of confidence.  Sadly I will be down the shore and miss the Saturday meeting at Barix in July.  I do intend to be there for the Wed. night support group in July.  Glad to hear that you are back with your therapist and your focus is on getting your head back in the program.  Enjoy your summer vacation.  I will be in touch.  Take care.

 understand how you feel. at a year out and many long stalls i already see how hard it is just to maintain, can see how hard it will be to lose after regain. i have no answers for you.
july 2 there will be a support meeting at barix,maybe we could start a mini-sub support group  and weigh in and encourage eachother. maybe a monthly weigh-in might help us stay on track.
cheryl

Thanx Cheryl for your response.  Won't be getting to Barix until the Wed. night support meeting.  Will still be in Cape May next Saturday.  Hoping that the change of scenery will do me some good.  Take care.

How are you doing today???

Are you out there???

 Hey Donna.. happy 2 year Surgiversary!  Nobody ever said this was going to be easy.  You have to take one day at a time and the 2nd year is DEFINITELY much harder than the first.  You have been through a lot the past few months and it's understandable that you have had some setbacks.  That does not mean you are a failure or that you can't get back on the horse and keep maintaining.  

We are all here for you either on here or at Barix or on the phone.  Please don't hide.  Reach out when you need to vent.  I'm glad you are going to counseling and trying to keep up with the gym.  Hopefully your week at the shore and back on schedule will help you to get back on track.  

HUGS to you.. we are here for you... 

Lisa - thanks for your encouraging words.  You are an inspiration to me with your dedication to exercise and the way you keep on keeping on.  Hope that Siehara is doing well at camp and that you are enjoying some quality time for yourself.  Am in a better space than when I posted so that is good.  Leaving for Cape May in 2 hours - can't wait.  Take care.