HELPING OUR OBESE YOUNGER CHILDREN
I have 3 children, 26, 22 and 5. My two adult children are quite a bit heavier than me BUT I know not to nag them about it and lead by example. They have taken it upon themselves to attend OA meetings and are working on their own health and well being.
My wife and I have been made acutely aware that our youngest is chunking up and I am so worried that he will endure the pain and torture, both from himself and others, that most of us endured while having our extra weight.. AT 5 years old and in kindergarten, his classmates have already started name calling and he has been weighing himself on our bathroom scale. Since I know all too well the path he is about to head down, I have to, as a dad, find a way to help.
I am asking my Bariatric buddies how they have or would go about handling the weight issue of their younger children. Any ideas, advice or help would be greatly appreciated. And you know what, let me know what did and DID NOT work.
Thank you.
My wife and I have been made acutely aware that our youngest is chunking up and I am so worried that he will endure the pain and torture, both from himself and others, that most of us endured while having our extra weight.. AT 5 years old and in kindergarten, his classmates have already started name calling and he has been weighing himself on our bathroom scale. Since I know all too well the path he is about to head down, I have to, as a dad, find a way to help.
I am asking my Bariatric buddies how they have or would go about handling the weight issue of their younger children. Any ideas, advice or help would be greatly appreciated. And you know what, let me know what did and DID NOT work.
Thank you.
Patt
Hi Patt,
I am sure you have heard this, but lead by example. If they see you eating healthy, then they will probably do the same. Maybe not right away, but they will eventually.
I also find having healthier snacks available also helpful. Try to keep the junk out of the house!
We are struggling with this issue with Deanna. She is starting to realize that it is about being healthy and eating healthy things NOT about a number on the scale!!
I also make it a point to offer at least one vegetable or fruit with a meal....
Hope this helps!!
Good Luck!
Beth
I am sure you have heard this, but lead by example. If they see you eating healthy, then they will probably do the same. Maybe not right away, but they will eventually.
I also find having healthier snacks available also helpful. Try to keep the junk out of the house!
We are struggling with this issue with Deanna. She is starting to realize that it is about being healthy and eating healthy things NOT about a number on the scale!!
I also make it a point to offer at least one vegetable or fruit with a meal....
Hope this helps!!
Good Luck!
Beth
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Hi Patt,
What does a parent do? What did our parents do? Much in the way of habits have already developed with your two older children but surprisingly it is the same for your younger one too. The first challenge is genetics. What do you do about genetics? You accept them, even embrace them because most of that stuff is good, helpful and will serve them well. That weight gain gene, well we may not want it but it is ours'. It was passed to us from our family and it is ours'. We can do our best to eat well, eat right, bring activity and exercise in our lives and work, work, work. Doesn't seem like something a child should have to be burdened with, does it?
A child may say:
"But Mom, Dad if I wasn't fat they would like me, they wouldn't tease me, they would be my friend."
I wi**** was as simple as that. No matter how our children may look, no matter how attractive they are, no matter how beautiful their spirits truly are... they will be teased, by someone. Someone who probably has more issues than our children will ever have.
The true friends that our children will make are those that genuinely like them for them, be they short, tall, wide or small.
My best advice is for parents to work on themselves first. Build your self-esteem, build your good habits, do your best for you. And then give your children all that you can. They may adopt your better habits or just choose to keep the bad ones. They will do what they want, just as we did. They ultimately will make their own choices as adults and we must let them. You see we have had the opportunity with our own lives and they have the same. Let them live their lives and be there if they need you. Love them, care for them, equip them, then let them be.
Time will always tell. Having patience is challenging, but necessary.
Dennis
What does a parent do? What did our parents do? Much in the way of habits have already developed with your two older children but surprisingly it is the same for your younger one too. The first challenge is genetics. What do you do about genetics? You accept them, even embrace them because most of that stuff is good, helpful and will serve them well. That weight gain gene, well we may not want it but it is ours'. It was passed to us from our family and it is ours'. We can do our best to eat well, eat right, bring activity and exercise in our lives and work, work, work. Doesn't seem like something a child should have to be burdened with, does it?
A child may say:
"But Mom, Dad if I wasn't fat they would like me, they wouldn't tease me, they would be my friend."
I wi**** was as simple as that. No matter how our children may look, no matter how attractive they are, no matter how beautiful their spirits truly are... they will be teased, by someone. Someone who probably has more issues than our children will ever have.
The true friends that our children will make are those that genuinely like them for them, be they short, tall, wide or small.
My best advice is for parents to work on themselves first. Build your self-esteem, build your good habits, do your best for you. And then give your children all that you can. They may adopt your better habits or just choose to keep the bad ones. They will do what they want, just as we did. They ultimately will make their own choices as adults and we must let them. You see we have had the opportunity with our own lives and they have the same. Let them live their lives and be there if they need you. Love them, care for them, equip them, then let them be.
Time will always tell. Having patience is challenging, but necessary.
Dennis
Patt, thanks for posting this. This is something I've struggled with for a long time with my daughter. She has already said to me that she thinks she is going to need the surgery when she gets older. She's 12. That breaks my heart. But, I have gotten similar advise to what Dennis just said and am trying to live it. We also think there may be some underlying medical issues with her and she just had an appointment with an Endocrinologist to verify that.
Hopefully our kids will come out better for what we are and have learned through our WLS.
Good luck!
Hopefully our kids will come out better for what we are and have learned through our WLS.
Good luck!
My tracker
hers 
Some of you have met my daughter, Amy. She was with me at Barix last week. She is 17 and has been "heavy" since age 4. I would guess she was morbidly obese around middle school. Diets don't work. Didn't work for me; aren't gonna work for her. She attends OA now with me to talk about some of the emotional aspects, but, clearly, there is a great element of genetics at work here.
When I thought about my upbringing, food issues came into play early. My parents used food to soothe me. Then when I got heavy, they took away the food and it felt like punishment. They said things like, "You'd be pretty if you lost 20 pounds." I heard, "You're ugly." They said, "Why don't you try to give up desserts or go on a diet." I heard, "There is something wrong with you the way you are right now." My sister came to me when I was in my late 20's and said the family was concerned about me because of my weight. Never mind that I was being abused by my husband. I felt that was all my fault. If I were thinner, prettier, better or smarter, people would love me. My self esteem issues are ridiculous.
I have always said things to Amy like, "You are perfect just the way you are. I am so glad you are my daughter. You are wonderful, lovable and lovely." And, she is.
I suppose if I had to do it all over again, I would do things differently for her AND me. She was already obese when I got the surgery. We were eating buddies. I couldn't expect her to change her eating habits overnight the way I had to! She may decide to have surgery one day, and I'd back that decision 1000%. She may decide to love herself exactly as she is, and, that is perfectly, absolutely okay with me too.
Today I keep healthy food in the house. Are fridge and pantry has lots of fresh fruit, sugar-free dessert options, whole grains and protein. I walk and invite others to go with me. It's up to them if they go, but if they were younger, I might make them join me in walking or bike riding or swimming -- anything to get us all moving.
You know what to do. Offer healthy food choices; remove temptations of sugar, processed foods, snacky stuff, fast food; encourage exercise -- play, move, dance together! And you also know what not to do: nag, ridicule, point out flaws.
When I thought about my upbringing, food issues came into play early. My parents used food to soothe me. Then when I got heavy, they took away the food and it felt like punishment. They said things like, "You'd be pretty if you lost 20 pounds." I heard, "You're ugly." They said, "Why don't you try to give up desserts or go on a diet." I heard, "There is something wrong with you the way you are right now." My sister came to me when I was in my late 20's and said the family was concerned about me because of my weight. Never mind that I was being abused by my husband. I felt that was all my fault. If I were thinner, prettier, better or smarter, people would love me. My self esteem issues are ridiculous.
I have always said things to Amy like, "You are perfect just the way you are. I am so glad you are my daughter. You are wonderful, lovable and lovely." And, she is.
I suppose if I had to do it all over again, I would do things differently for her AND me. She was already obese when I got the surgery. We were eating buddies. I couldn't expect her to change her eating habits overnight the way I had to! She may decide to have surgery one day, and I'd back that decision 1000%. She may decide to love herself exactly as she is, and, that is perfectly, absolutely okay with me too.
Today I keep healthy food in the house. Are fridge and pantry has lots of fresh fruit, sugar-free dessert options, whole grains and protein. I walk and invite others to go with me. It's up to them if they go, but if they were younger, I might make them join me in walking or bike riding or swimming -- anything to get us all moving.
You know what to do. Offer healthy food choices; remove temptations of sugar, processed foods, snacky stuff, fast food; encourage exercise -- play, move, dance together! And you also know what not to do: nag, ridicule, point out flaws.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
Jumping in a bit late here, but I want to add that the more family activities you can engage pin that support physical activity, the better. Swim, ride bikes, take hikes, whatever! Make it fun to live an active life.
As a child, I was very heavy at a young age. My mom convinced me that no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough until I lost weight. She put me on diet pills at age 8. W****chers at age 10. You get the picture...but the flip side was that I started binge eating at 7 and hoarding food by 11. My self worth was all wrapped up in body image.....
Jusr walk the walk, Patt, and you will set the best example you can.
As a child, I was very heavy at a young age. My mom convinced me that no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough until I lost weight. She put me on diet pills at age 8. W****chers at age 10. You get the picture...but the flip side was that I started binge eating at 7 and hoarding food by 11. My self worth was all wrapped up in body image.....
Jusr walk the walk, Patt, and you will set the best example you can.
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