Messed up Monday

we miss you both alot too. hope to see you soon

Have not been reading as much on this list lately.  busy with other things but glad I read it today.

Nicole:  Sometimes the hardest thing is knowing how much strength you REALLY have.  You have it in you.  Keep looking and you will find it.  And even if there are days it eludes you.. just remind yourself its still there. 

thanks Sandra you really do inspire me I hope you know that

I hear you, Nicole, and I want to give you a cyber hug {{{{{Nicole}}}}}}.  Therapy/recovery really does open up old wounds, and the old band-aids just don't seem to stick anymore.  Prayers for you as you continue to find true healing and release. 

My life was about WLS until I developed alcoholism.  That sort of took over my life there for a while!  Now with just a weekly OA meeting and a weekly AA meeting, I am learning to balance my life -- for the first time ever.  I am finding tremendous freedom and relief while I learn daily coping skills of acceptance vs. change.  It's definitely a learning process.

Trust me, it gets better.  I've got almost a year sober now, and about 75 days abstinent.  I still have good days and bad days, but nothing anywhere near as bad as a day I was drinking.

I can pledge 24 hours of sobriety and sane eating today.

That is true I feel open and raw. my reaction is always to fight, run or freeze. I am working in therapy to learn different ways of coping but obviously they have not kicked in yet. I did not go to OA again this week i stayed in bed. I asked  woman to be my sponsor and she has not responded so I am feeling yuck about that too.

congratulations on all of your work and your success as well

I'm sure you've heard them say, "It works if you work it."  Well, I've found that to be true.  I STILL haven't found an OA sponsor, but I work the steps with someone from another fellowship, and I do have someone that I e-mail my food plan to almost every day.  There is a great 12 and 12 workbook that you can buy and get started writing in.  I'm just so excited about where I am today that I want it for all of my recovery friends.  Prayers continuing for you.

Hugs to you Nicole.
I know how you feel.  I had an awful weekend.  I caught a friend in a lie (& deceipt) ...that is unexcusable in my book, so I now have 1 less friend...that really hurts. My mil amish feast bday party was a bust in my book.  My son called me a ***** on Sun after I did everything for him & my husband treats me like a roommate.  No one is there for me (other than you folks).  When I left this morning I told my family I wanted to divorce them both, that I couldn't take them not being there for me anymore.  I do for everyone and no one gives a **** about me.  I don't know if I am having a nervous breakdown or finally wanting to live MY life insead of everyone else's.  Yup it is a crappy Monday here in central PA.  I just keep crying...
Sara

Sara,

It sucks when you feel that you are not appreciated for all that you do for your family!! I feel ya! There are many times I feel the same way! We are here for you!!

((HUGS))!!!!!!

Beth

Thanks Beth.  i am so blessed to have you all.  I even had a close friend let me down this weekend.  I am hoping things get better...and soon.
Love you all!
Sara

Wow - I am so sorry you are feeling so down.  I want to remind you that for years, if you are anything like me, you spent much of your time worrying about everybody else - you ignored yourself and your health and stuffed away many other emotions with food.  Now you are taking time to take care of you.  People around you are sure to notice a change.  And guess what, you did change.  Forget the physical aspect of what we went through.  You finally decided to take charge of you and your health.  And guess what, maybe you were a *****guess what - tough ****!  It is high time you were able to be strong and confident.  The people around you will have to deal or get out.  Obviously your "friend" couldn't take it, so there is one less person to rub you the wrong way.  Hubby, if he is worth it will allow you to learn about your new self, or he can hit the road too.  Caleb, well, he will come around.  Calling us bad names, getting angry with us, it is all part of the teenage years.  We were the same way with our parents.  And while they seem ungrateful at times, they eventually figure out that we are doing the best we can and while we are usually doing the right thing, sometimes we make mistakes and need forgiveness.  I am sure Caleb will want that from you as well.  He will realize how hurt you were and will want your fogiveness.  It will come.

Good luck in allowing yourself to feel everything.  It is painful, joyous and sometimes just stupidly annoying!  We are here for any crying you need!  I, for one, ROCK at the crying thing! :)