OT job I am losing my cool

I hate to be so negative but i really do not know what to do with myself. Often times people think that I should have things figured out because I am a therapist, but it really is not true. I am a good therapist for others but when it comes to me I am CRAP at it. 

I just dont know what to do with myself today. I am still angry and upset about my employee review, I am having to act as if everything is ok, because i am friendly with my supervisor but it is so hard I dont do fake well. I am currently writing a rebuttal which i know will upset her and my director but I just dont know how to NOT respond, or to pretend like it did not bother me. I feel angry and betrayed by my eval. I feel that it was unfair and that it sets me up for failure in the future. Worst thing is i have to go have lunch with them today.

I am close to tears, I have been hiding out in my office for days, then my supervisor comes in and tells me that todays weather was not BAD enough to wear jeans. It took all I had to keep from losing my mind. The director is so fickel do not tell us we can wear jeans in inclement weather if it is not true...she drives me nuts. I do not do well with unpredictable people due to my past.  I told her that I just would not wear them period because it is too ridiculous to stress over my wardrobe in the morning based on her mood. Not to mention the fact that she does not come to wor****il 8am when the roads are well plowed and I am up and out by 5 prior to...DAGUM I seriously need to hit something.

I want to cry, and then I want to eat eveyrthing in sight. I havent but I want to, I dont know how to soothe myself here. I want to quit my job and just run away. I envy people who work in solitude and do their own thing, being accountable to people who are inconsistent and petty is too much for me.  I am at my wits end

I am so sorry you are having a bad time!! It sounds to me like they are the fake ones....I mean come on you are gonna harp on something like dress code...heck you made it into work and they should be grateful for that!!  I think that you should do a rebuttal....if you dont stand up for yourself who will!! I wish you luck and piece of mind!!keep us posted!! xo

I know right? We always make it in to work even when we had over a foot of snow? I was not even late! She gets pissed because some of us worse jeans? It isnt like we all just decided to do it without permission she told us inclement weather you can wear jeans.

Anyway the rebuttal is on the way. I used to never stand up for myself, then after the surgery I think I went to the opposite end and was kicking everyones ass LOL I really dont want this to be an issue/

Nicole,

While I am not a therapist, I do a lot of self evaluation and am also a very sensitive person. . . I have had some real challenges at this job and for many of the same reasons in your last sentence. The best advice I can give you is not to act on your emotions, but talk it out with people you know and trust, write your rebuttal, but before you send it, be sure to share it with someone you trust and be sure to take the emotionalism out of it. These suggestions are ones that I have put in play in my own life situations and it works great. In the meantime, go easy on yourself and realize that you are playing in an arena of people who may or may not have their own agenda and/or slanted views.

Tell yourself, I am good enough and I am open to growing into bigger and better things. . . I am worthy of good things and I claim them to be mine and then do some deep breathing, breathing in the good things and letting go the negatives. . .

Hugs, Laureen

Nicole,

     I am so sorry that you are going through so much crap at work.  Just because people are in the mental health field doesn't mean that all of them are mentally healthy.  I'm sure that you realize everyone has their own issues and baggage that they bring to the job.  I can relate to that feeling of being treated unfairly and people not having your back.  I also find it difficult to pretend that everything is okay when it is not.  A lot of the crap at my school taps into old stuff for me.  The best advice my therapist gave me was to get centered in the present moment.  Decide what is in my control and what is not.  I agree with Laureen about you writing your rebuttal but having someone read it over before sending it.  Sometimes that other perspective can be invaluable.  Good luck with lunch today.  Be proud of yourself that you are not eating everything in sight.  I also am not good at soothing myself without food.  Try the deep breathing that Laureen suggests.  That also keeps me in the present.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Let us know how things work out.  Take care.

Donna 

Hey Nic.. sorry you are having a hard time.  I think you are doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and writing the rebuttal.  They need to see what a valuable employee they have. 

I don't have any other advice, except to stay strong and away from the food.  Vent to us, to Jason, and to whoever else will listen.

We are here for you.  Love you

Hey Nicole,

You DEFINITELY need to stand up for yourself, but I do agree with what Laureen suggested. Let Jason or someone that you trust read your rebuttal. State facts not emotion!! I know that is easier said than done, but it should be factual with examples of your work. Remind them of all that you do everyday!! There are definitely hidden agendas in the work place, so be careful!!!

I am sorry you are going through this. You certainly do not deserve it!! It is often the people who do the most are noticed the least! It SUCKS!!

HUGS to you!!

Love, Beth

Nicole;
So sorry to hear you are going through this.  Wow when I read this you and Gene seem to be in the same place with employment. 
I hope you are writing a rebuttal for the eval.  When I've let things get to me in the past, Gene always suggests that I write a rebuttal then he'll read it and take out my emotions, keeping it very in line with my thoughts but clean it up for me. 
Sendning you positive thoughts and prayer to help you get through this.
Ida

Thanks Ida I am doing much better was just having a moment. I am writing a response and have had a few people read it. The irony is that they are trying to push me into a management position there ( why I dont know). They are willing to see me as manager yet they dont think i am able to make an appropriate decision as to what to wear? Really

 your welcome Nicole.  I'm glad to hear you are taking the "bull by the horns".  Are you looking to go into the management side of it or do you prefer to stay in the therapy end.  I now when Gene went into the management side he hated it - his passion is helping people.