My daughter is overweight....FREAKING OUT!!!

Hello OH friends!

I am freaking out because according to those stupid BMI charts my daughter is overweight! Those of you who know her, know that she looks totally normal! But in my mind I am totally freaking out! I feel like the pattern is repeating itself. I HATE those stupid charts!! I am making every effort to limit her snacks and helping her making better food choices...it is hard though because she is a picky eater. The other night we went out for dinner....she had a hot dog, three french fries and like three bites of ice cream and that is considered being overweight??? I don't get it!! I do not let her eat late at night, although she is not as active as she should be. I will work on that getting us BOTH off of our asses!!!

I did not mention this to her, because I don't want her to have a bad body image. Although she did have a conversation with my friend saying something about when she is 19 and "skinny" she would buy this expensive car. I kind of feel that her view of herself is already slanted....HELP!!!!

Thanks for letting me babble...

Beth

Why not find a location and have a real test done? IMHO hydrostatic was the best but costly and difficult for the testee. The Bodpod would be the next best and give you a very accurate body-fat picture. BMI is a bunch of crap unless you fit right into a certain category.

http://www.bodpod.com/clients/locator

WOW!  This is such a challenging issue for ALL of our girls.  I know with Molly, she is a big eater, what I do find with her is that she will choose brocolli almost as quickly as she will choose a cookie.  She also puts on her weight in the summer and loses it in the winter which is opposite most people.  I think it is more challenging for our children because, one, they have the pre-disposition and FABULOUS genetic make-up, and two, they have watched us lose weight soooo quickly and feel damn good about our bodies.  

It is a fine line between trying to explain to them that while we do feel we LOOK good it is more important that we FEEL good inside.  Everytime my girls, Emily especially, tells me how pretty I look, or how nice something fits, I thank her and remind her how happy I am to be healthier so that we can play and be together for so much longer.  The media and their peers will be the biggest challenge as they grow up, it is our job, as with everything else, to let them know that we love them and only want them healthy.  With any luck and a lot of reminders, when they are faced with the media and their friends, they will already have a positive self-esteem and can move forward liking them for themselves.

Sweetie -
That's crazy! She's gorgeous just like you. And you are doing all the right things leading by example with your smart food choices, portion sizes, etc. Her body is going to change so much over the next 5 to 6 years with puberty, age etc. that using the BMI chart doesn't make sense. I really wish they would do away with the BMI chart, it's just not realistic. For any age.

Thanks Honey!! I am doing what I can, but realize that this will be a constant struggle!

Aww Beth according to the BMI chart Brad Pitt is considered over weight. It is bunk. Someone is always trying to put a number on something. Help her learn to be more open about all kinds of foods, and really when it comes right down to it. Kids can get lean and improve their health just by moving more, that is something you can do and I think you have identified that.

Good luck and dont let it get you down

Thanks Nicole!! I just don't want her to go through what I had to!!

Wow...this brings up SO much! Of course we always want to give our children our best, including the BEST of our gene pool. But when it looks like they may have some tendency that we have struggled with, or that we don't like in ourselves.....well, it pushes all the buttons, doesn't it?

At Dee's age, just being assured that she isn't overeating, that she is eating healthy foods, and getting a decent amount of activity is your best bet.

Above all, do NOT start talking to her about weight loss. My mom put me on diets beginning at age 6, and on diet pills at age 8. Obviously it wasn't exactly the ticket to a healthy, normal life or weight. To this day, my relationship with my mom is charged when the topic of weight comes up.
But enough of my baggage. Just wrap your arms around that girl and tell her you love her.

Lynn,

I have not mentioned any of this to Dee. She has enough to deal with as far as school goes. I do not want to put in her mind a negative body image or that I feel that she is not perfect the way she is! I always felt that I was not good enough in my mom's eyes, she loved me but if I was a little more.....fill in the blank or if I was a little less of .......fill in the blank. Even when I told her that I wanted to start up with music again in HS, she said to me and I quote, "Oh, that is just a pipe dream! " But I proved her wrong within a year of her coming to my private lessons each week with me, she finally realized that I was serious about being a musician. I remember not being very confident or self assured because of such comments....thanks Mom!!

Anyway, I am going to approach it as a "healthy lifestyle" more than a "weight" issue....

Thanks for posting!

Love, Beth

 Beth,  I feel your pain.  Siehara has been off the charts for as long as I can remember. 

At my 2 year checkup today, I got to talk to the social worker.  She shed so much light on my life and how I can make Siehara's better without really telling her that I am helping her in the process.  

She told me to make Siehara MY mentor.  I am supposed to tell her that she has to help me.  I am supposed to tell HER when I secretively eat or when I eat something I'm not supposed to.  Her job is to just listen.  She is not supposed to have any reaction to it, verbally or with body language.  It will be her job to just be there for me.  Then, in turn, as long as I am consistent, she will start to follow my lead.  The same with food choices, portions, and exercise.  She is to hold ME accountable. 

I'm not sure if this will work for Dee since she is younger than Siehara, but it may.  It also shows them that we are not perfect and that leading a healthy life is always a work in progress.    

It's worth a try and I'm going to try to make this work for Siehara and me. 

Good luck honey.. Dee is beautiful just the way she is.