Unexpected changes
R K.
on 2/5/11 6:54 pm, edited 2/5/11 7:53 pm
on 2/5/11 6:54 pm, edited 2/5/11 7:53 pm
Best of luck to you.
It always saddens me to see a thread like this. It also brings questions up in my head. The first thing I always hear is the person say they've changed. Did they change? Does a person's core, their essence and their values really change or do they just grow and mature?
Is it different for a person that was always heavy then it is for a person that didn't spend their life heavy?
In most cases change equals stress. Even good change can really stress a person. Sometimes WLS people become so about themselves they forget their partner is also going through all the stress too and has no control over it.
Dawn, did you love him exactly the way he was for the first 3 or 4 years of your relationship? Did he change? Have you spent time helping him understand and accept your growth?
Sometimes the personality pendulum goes from one extreme to the other after WLS and needs to settle back toward center.
Just some random thoughts.
http://www.100-0principle.com/
It always saddens me to see a thread like this. It also brings questions up in my head. The first thing I always hear is the person say they've changed. Did they change? Does a person's core, their essence and their values really change or do they just grow and mature?
Is it different for a person that was always heavy then it is for a person that didn't spend their life heavy?
In most cases change equals stress. Even good change can really stress a person. Sometimes WLS people become so about themselves they forget their partner is also going through all the stress too and has no control over it.
Dawn, did you love him exactly the way he was for the first 3 or 4 years of your relationship? Did he change? Have you spent time helping him understand and accept your growth?
Sometimes the personality pendulum goes from one extreme to the other after WLS and needs to settle back toward center.
Just some random thoughts.
http://www.100-0principle.com/
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
Dawn, I swore I responded to this thread, but apparently not.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Life takes us in so many directions and it is not always what we expect or want. As you know, I've been dealing with my own divorce for almost 2 years now. Mine was over before it started and I just got the confidence to realize I was settling when I made my life changing decision to have the surgery.
I hope that however your story ends, you come out stronger and happier.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Life takes us in so many directions and it is not always what we expect or want. As you know, I've been dealing with my own divorce for almost 2 years now. Mine was over before it started and I just got the confidence to realize I was settling when I made my life changing decision to have the surgery.
I hope that however your story ends, you come out stronger and happier.
My tracker
hers 
Dawn - I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry to hear you're going through this right now and if you need anything, please let me know. I'll keep you in my thoughts! :) I hope you're still going to group when you're in town. I haven't been there in a few months, but I plan on getting myself back on track soon.
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