Substance vs Shadow (warning: LONG)
There's a discussion that's being going on this week in another online group (not OH) that has generated some "deep thoughts" for me - I wanted to share in case this helps others.
The original post said that this journey ISN'T about weight loss (the shadow), it's about food addiction and finding your path out of it (the substance). The quote was "A normal-sized body is a fringe benefit received in the course of reconstructing that which cannot be seen."
Subsequent discussion has talked about how for many (most?) of us, weight loss WAS what got us here, and what propelled our early days (first year or two?) of success. It was how we defined our success and measured our progress. That's sparked a bunch of thought for me (sorry - this is long).
Where I and, I think, many of us struggle is when we are no longer in the "losing" phase of this journey and are now facing a redefined reality. We now have a normal(-ish) body size and shape. Great. Now what? It won't magically stay that way. And it definitely won't stay that way unless we take the next steps on the journey, which are the hard emotional and psychological work.
Where support groups, 12-step groups, counseling, back-on-track groups, and all of the other tools come into play is NOT to tell us what to eat, when to eat it, how to cook it, or whatever. We already know that. In fact, most of us knew that (in some form) even before surgery. We knew that certain foods were bad for us, that we craved other foods, that we ate too much, ate too fast, drank the "wrong" things, etc. It wasn't about knowledge.
What it comes down to now is how we respond long-term to the emotional and psychological components within us that drive addiction behaviors. Whether its binging, bulemia, anorexia, sneak eating, using food as comfort/numbing, stress eating, or any of the myriad other forms of dis-ordered eating, there is an underlying set of drivers behind it. Surgery won't prevent us from falling back into those disorders, although its consequences might help us limit the damage short-term. Only identifying, confronting, and working through those issues in a productive way will prevent us from falling back.
In the first year or so, the focus on food is probably a good thing - you're relearning eating habits, recalibrating your body's response to specific foods, and teaching yourself how to cook and/or acquire food in this "new normal" of yours. Discussions at support group in these early days will of necessity be about new culinary discoveries. But they should ALSO include the work you can do to become self-aware of what has driven you to eating in a disordered way in the past, and how you can start replacing those drivers with more positive and productive ones.
Past that "newbie" stage, discussions in support and therapy and whatever venues you use need to move away from food and more into process, self-awareness, and behavior modification.
Karen
The original post said that this journey ISN'T about weight loss (the shadow), it's about food addiction and finding your path out of it (the substance). The quote was "A normal-sized body is a fringe benefit received in the course of reconstructing that which cannot be seen."
Subsequent discussion has talked about how for many (most?) of us, weight loss WAS what got us here, and what propelled our early days (first year or two?) of success. It was how we defined our success and measured our progress. That's sparked a bunch of thought for me (sorry - this is long).
Where I and, I think, many of us struggle is when we are no longer in the "losing" phase of this journey and are now facing a redefined reality. We now have a normal(-ish) body size and shape. Great. Now what? It won't magically stay that way. And it definitely won't stay that way unless we take the next steps on the journey, which are the hard emotional and psychological work.
Where support groups, 12-step groups, counseling, back-on-track groups, and all of the other tools come into play is NOT to tell us what to eat, when to eat it, how to cook it, or whatever. We already know that. In fact, most of us knew that (in some form) even before surgery. We knew that certain foods were bad for us, that we craved other foods, that we ate too much, ate too fast, drank the "wrong" things, etc. It wasn't about knowledge.
What it comes down to now is how we respond long-term to the emotional and psychological components within us that drive addiction behaviors. Whether its binging, bulemia, anorexia, sneak eating, using food as comfort/numbing, stress eating, or any of the myriad other forms of dis-ordered eating, there is an underlying set of drivers behind it. Surgery won't prevent us from falling back into those disorders, although its consequences might help us limit the damage short-term. Only identifying, confronting, and working through those issues in a productive way will prevent us from falling back.
In the first year or so, the focus on food is probably a good thing - you're relearning eating habits, recalibrating your body's response to specific foods, and teaching yourself how to cook and/or acquire food in this "new normal" of yours. Discussions at support group in these early days will of necessity be about new culinary discoveries. But they should ALSO include the work you can do to become self-aware of what has driven you to eating in a disordered way in the past, and how you can start replacing those drivers with more positive and productive ones.
Past that "newbie" stage, discussions in support and therapy and whatever venues you use need to move away from food and more into process, self-awareness, and behavior modification.
Karen
Thank you for sharing this. I found it very informative and full of great suggestions about helping ourselves through others. It is a continued learning experience everyday. the hope absolutely is to learn from others. (although that is not always the case.. sometimes we have to learn the 'hard' way).
thanks again Karen.
thanks again Karen.
Sandra 
Right on target is what I think about this. Thanks for sharing this.
I get very frustrated at many of our meetings when we focus on the "what to eat" part most of the time. Hopefully most of us know that part. To me it seems that by doing that we are avoiding the emotional part that for many of us is painful to discuss. The self awareness piece is very difficult and that is the ultimate battle so that we do not eat in a "disordered" way. I like that term - disordered.
Most Active
Recent Topics
