Siehara wrote a poem that breaks my heart

 Thank you all for your replies.. I have such a hard time doing this by myself.  But, it helps to know that I can reach out to all of you for your support.  

I have told her how proud I am of her for being able to write down her feelings.  We spoke a bit in the car yesterday about it and I told her AGAIN how proud of her I am.  I also asked if she had anything that she wanted to talk about.  She did not, but I told her that if she ever did that I am here for her.  

It was suggested to me that I write a letter to her telling her how I am feeling about the way she has been acting (basically what Steffi said, but written down).  He told me to write it down so the attitude and sarcasm doesn't come out by accident.   I need to really think about this and make it very meaningful.  Sometimes it's hard for me to not sound angry when I talk about her behaviors.  

I really wish there was a second parent here to help me out.  BUT, I know that neither of her father figures would have been able to handle this.  Now, instead I have a whole network of other parents to assist me.  Anybody want to move in???

Reading it breaks my heart to know that she is going through this.  Sending love and stength your way.

You know I love you and Siehara no matter what!! I adore you both and you have def become part of my family over the past year!! Remember I am always here for you and her!! Its hard for me to be there all the time to give you a hug or kiss teehee LOL. I was not born with a sister Lisa but you are one of the few people in my life that I trust my heart and children with! I think of you as a sister to me! I couldnt imagine not having you two in my life!! You will get through this!! PROMISE!!

 

Althought it breaks your heart, there is something to be said for allowing you to read it.  She is reaching out for support.  Positive thoughts and energy coming Siehara's and your way.

I read this last night and had to process her words over night because it broke my heart. I felt like a 13 year old Beth could have written this.

You have gotten all the parent advise but I do love the idea of a letter to her. Maybe once written you can leave it on her bed to read alone. 

Now I know you are her Mom and you do a great a job at that age it can be hard to talk to our mothers. This is a thought from a non parent.....Maybe you can sit with her to talk and during that time frame only you are not her Mom but her friend Lisa she can talk to you freely without fear of repercussions if she tells you something that Mom maybe fly off the handle at but friend Lisa will listen.  Just a thought.
Also I know that Kim's daughter will talk to me and Dennis allot I keep her confidences unless I feel Kim needs to know something that will  protect her daughter's well being. Other wise it is between Tiffy and me. Do you have someone she can talk to that way? Sorta a liaison between the two of you???


Also please know if you ever need a male figure to talk to just ask Dennis will help you any way he can Lisa. He has had many conversations with my younger nephew because of his own dad is an ass.  Plus for Jay it is the strong supportive role model from his other side that Dennis portrays for him.

Siehara's poem brought tears to my eyes.  I remember feeling that way when I was her age, and it's sad to see her going through this.  She's walking a fine line between childhood and needing to figure out how to be responsible now that she's growing up.  Not an easy thing to do!!!  I'm really impressed with her that she was able to write down her feelings and also that she shared them with you!!!  Shows me she's trying and wants to do the 'right thing'.  Paul's divorce was really ugly, and Anson was always caught in the middle, but he would never talk about his feelings.  We were able to get him into counseling for a while, but his mom pulled him out.  He's doing ok, but I think he really could have benefitted from staying in counseling.  I'm soooo glad you're taking Siehara back to Kids Peace!!!  You're doing a terrific job, and I can only imagine how tough it is to do alone!! 

Siehara is one special girl and in many qays reminds me of me at that age.  So many changes happening in her life over the past two years and that doesn't even include the 'normal teenager' stuff.

I agree that it's HUGE that Siehara shared her poem!! 

The Batmizvah is one big huge positive milestone/event that can be force to bring you closer together.

HUgs to you both......and willing to lend a shoulder whenever needed< although I don't have any kids!!!
 

 

Lisa,

As a mom you always wonder, is my kid happy? Is she dealing with inner turmoil? Do I reassure her enough? Obviously, this poem is a way for Siehara to express her feelings. THAT IS A GOOD THING!!! It is the kids that don't express themselves in some creative outlet that wind up in trouble. She has written out her feelings, which is a good first step. You are a good mom and I am sure doing it on your own is not easy! Every kid goes through this....I remember being a teenager and thinking my problems were so bad and contemplating doing something to hurt myself.  Now, as an adult I can look back and say boy was I dramatic or what??

We are here for you and Siehara!! Getting her to therapy is a good second step....just take a breath!!

((HUGS))
Love, Beth

Hi Lisa,

I understand your concerns and I think you are good to have a plan of action, but I will tell you that she is at a difficult age and I can remember doing and writing similar things at that age, which as others have pointed out is a good outlet.  Being able to express ones self in such a manner is a good thing, it also can help you see her turmoil and be there for her to let her know that life at the age she is, is difficult, but that as we grow and mature, things change and we can and do get through the angst of being a pre-teen and teen and most importantly, you can let her know that you are there for her and that I am sure you are.  My own granddaughter who turns 13 in March has expressed similar things, unfortunately, life cannot be lived backwards, but I have always said, I would not want to return to any age prior to my 30s, as my ability to deal with life got better after that.  A good support network, friends, family helps us get through the rough spots.

Sending hugs to you and wishing you and you sweet Siehara better days ahead!

Laureen