Siehara wrote a poem that breaks my heart

So, Siehara had a few things going on with her this weekend that caused me to get upset.  Last night after my party, I would not let her watch TV.. that's when she ended up falling and we had to go to the ER to make sure she was ok.  She is ok today, thankfully. 

This afternoon, she wrote this poem.  I am very happy that she was finally able to express how she is feeling.  BUT, the content breaks my heart.  Thankfully, we are starting therapy again.  She defnitely needs it and I told her to make sure she shows her this poem so she understands what is going on in her head.

People think I'm so much fun
but I ruin things for everyone.
They say I'm the best friend ever but I really am not all that clever
They trust me. They trust me not.
I don't know which one they thought. I get in trouble every day
when a chance for something fun gets in my way
my life isn't the best of them all and it's going to make my spirit fall
I never make the right decision.
I'm afraid of my future. Please Gd tell me what to do, because I am totally lost without you.

It makes me tear up every time I read it.  My poor kid.  I don't know how else to help her.

Lisa,

I think therapy is a step in the right direction, for sure.

Your a great mom!  Just be there for her and listen when she finally does open up.

Hugs to you, honey!

good poem, don't we all feel that way from time to time
you are obviously a good and caring mother and person.

it shouldn't make you so sad , remember yourself at that age. it is a confusing time to be going through changes ,not a child and not an adult. her brain is still not fully developed (not until around age 21)
. it is a time for her to push limits,and try to make decisions for herself. it is also a hard time for us moms (they are trying to be independent and we don't want to let our babies go).  all you can do is remind her that you are there to be her safety net.

my brother always said that the Chinese symbol for war should be 2 woman under one roof.
 you will miss this, you won't believe me now but wait until she goes off to college or get her own apartment and you will know what i mean.

Wow Lisa. That really touched my heart.

Lisa

That is so touching.   I know how upsetting it must be for you to read this.  I do think her expressiveness is a positive thing.  It is an outlet for her - a way to get her feelings out instead of keeping them bottled up like so many of us do.  It is heartbreaking to know the pain that such a young person feels.  I hope all of this turns around for her and for you.  You are both in my thoughts.

Hugs,  Arlene 

Lisa,

Haven't we all felt this way at some point in our lives?  We are all about self esteem issues. 

You are such a good Mom for both getting Sieraha  the help she needs and really knowing how she feels.  Most kids would have never shown this to their parents.  It is so good that she will be working through this NOW instead of growing up and trying to fix it later.

She just needs to feel like the awesome person she is!

Deb

Lisa,
Hugs to you my friend.  God will be with her, and with you also.  You are a fantastic Mom and Siehara is a great young lady.  I am sure therapy will help.  I wish Caleb could express his problems as eloquently.  He went on a great boy scout weekend and was hazed.  All he focuses on is the crap they did.  So much for the scout oath.  They always  seem to target him.  He is now thinking of switching troops or quitting scouts altogether.  He just can't take it .  He had the bus bullying and now this.  He feels so alone.  He said he only has me & Tim...and it is sad to say...he is right.  I hope we are enough.  You are so strong, I know you & Siehara can work through this.  God bless you both.
Love ya,
Sara

Have you told her that is makes you so proud and sad at the same time?  proud that she can write with such emoition and sad because you want to take her pain away?  She might respond to that.  I only say that because a few weeks ago I was soooo frustrated with Molly and when I calmed down, I talked with her and explained why she was so challenging to parent - in a loving way - she seemed to understand and mostly it has been good since then....I really think they respond to honesty - and true emotions are honest!

I love you - as does Siehara - keep plugging forward - you will get through this next hiccup with the same grace as the previous ones....I love you sis! :)

Well, I am glad that she was able to express herself AND shared it with you. Sad about what she is going through. I am glad that you got her back in at Kids Peace. We all love you BOTH! Maybe planning her Bat Mitzvah will bring you both closer.
Hang in there hun!

I think the rest of the replies are right on!.  I remember being a teenager and feeling very similar.  It is so tough to be  a kid with those changing hormones, placing importance on what your friends or worse.. your "not" friends think of you.  Good luck and I think you are her guiding light.  Keep up the great work.