OT - How to confront a colleague

Hi all - I am coming to you with a big question as to how to handle a situation that has happened here at school.  I want to start off by saying that I am by no means, the QUINESSENTIAL educator, and have never professed to the perfect teacher.  Yesterday three of our more challanging students, not with me - but with other adults - were being confronted by another educator.  As I was walking out of the teachers lounge, she pulled me into the conversation with these three girls.  They stated that they were with me when they were not.  They were lying and they knew they were caught.  However, this other teacher was screaming at the girls.  They were stading in the staircase and were truly being berated.  I tried to calm the situation down as best as I could without telling the other teacher to shut the hell up and stop screaming at these kids....because, after all, they are kids - and it IS what they do.  They knew they were wrong, but at that point, they were NOT ready to apologize.  Again, such is the mind of a 7th grader.

So, I come in this morning to find out that the priincipal had called her in yesterday to discuss the situation.  I had said NOTHING to anyone - I really did not want to throw her under the bus even though I sooooo wanted to have a conversation with the parents of these girls, (Who I do know well.) I knew it was unprofessional so I kept it to myself.  The teacher comes to me this morning asking me to talk with the Vice Principal to what happened with the girls as, "They are siding with them" and "they are saying I have anger issues."  At that point I should have said something to my colleague - but chickened out.  I am NOT sure how to handle this.  This is most certainly NOT the first situation that she has gotten in to - but as a parent of a difficult middle-schooler, I know that if Molly was yelled at the way these girls were yelled at, I would have a MAJOR conversation with the administration at her school.  The vice-prinicipal told me that they are trying to help HER - the educator - because if she keeps this up it will get ugly. 

I am most concerned about the kids.  These girls, and a few others in the class, ARE challenging, but you are in NO way going to get anything out of them if they feel there is nothing in it for them.  I know I need to talk with her, but I am not sure how to handle it and what to say.  She has also been known to lose her temper when talking with colleagues, our counselor in particular who this educator has said, "always sides with the kids"  It seems so elementary and I am so upset and disheartened.  I really do love what I do - and I only want the best for these kids, at this age, their self-esteem is vitally important to their growth and I can only talk kids down so much.  

Any thoughts or idea on how to talk with a colleague about a VERY difficult topic would be GREATLY appreicated!

Thanks! :)

Hey Steffi,

How well do you know this other educator? It seems as if she might be a bit unstable....Personally, I think you should leave it up to administration to deal with. I have had issues in the past with coworkers and it wound up making our working relationship very strained if I said anything to them. Unfortunately, the girls were berated by this other teacher which is totally uncalled for and unprofessional! There are some teachers that are there just for the paycheck and NOT for the kids, which is definite downer when you are. Whenever a student comes to me and complains about another teacher I ALWAYS refer them to tell their parents and have them discuss it with the administrator. That is THEIR job! I really try to stay out of things like this. I know it is hard not to say anything, but it might be the best thing for you to do.

GOOD LUCK! This is a toughie!

Love, Beth

I have NEVER been a fan of this teacher.  We worked together two years ago and she would complain and complain - so much so - to the point that she was *****ing about a kid - that totally reminded me of Molly and I started to cry in the lunchroom - she told me not to take it personally - I advised her that I was not sure HOW to not take it personally as I could totally see Molly behaving the way that this specific student did and that I would hope that her teachers would accept her disabilty and understand that as a parent, I am doing EVERYTHING I know how to!  Last year I did not have to work with her - so I was given that repreive.  I am with her again, teaching the same students and I want to stay out of it.  I just feel bad for the kids.  It really breaks my heart - and I do tell the kids to go to their parents, however, I also tell them that adults don't always do the right thing either and we sometimes lose our temper and should then acknowledge our mistake and apologize and take responsibility for our actions.  I just don't want to be called in when the parents do come in tomorrow and tell the truth when I didn't mention it to the teacher first.  Not sure it will come to that, but it might.  And to be totally honest - I wont hold back.  I know these parents well and I know how hard they work with their children.  They too are doing everything they know how to do.  I just get really frustrated!  Thanks for listening! :) 

I am sorry you had to deal with this. I would address the issue with the principal and vice principal and let them handle her - they are after all the "bosses"

Good lukc hun *hugs*

I am trying to let administration handle it - however, as I stated above in Beth's response - I am worried that I am going to be called in on it as I was there this time, and I DO have a good relationship with these kids AND their families.....it is a crappy situation to be in.  Thanks! :)

See my signature line. It's from the late Randy Pausch professor Carnegie Mellon University  in Pittsburgh.

What is there to even consider?

I would NEVER consider NOT telling the truth - I am only worried that if I don't say something to her now and then I get called into a meeting.........The question is how do I mention this to her without completely offending her and ruining they way we have to work together for the rest of the school year?

You may be agonizing over something that may not come to fruition.

If the teacher was screaming just because she has anger issues it was a totally ineffective way to deal with the situation.

I don't see anything wrong with berating kids who were caught lying.

I wasn't there, so I don't have any frame of reference at all, but I got yelled at by teachers when I was in school. I'm suprised that you feel so sympathetic towards them, especially after they used your name to try and cover a lie.

**** when we were bad, we used to get cracked in the ass with a ******g wooden paddle.

But I digress.

If you feel the need to say something to your coworker, tell her that perhaps it would be in her best interest to take an objective look at the situation and perhaps she'll take the words of your principal a bit more to heart.

Also, I guess I would make a pretty horrible teacher. I wouldn't take **** from any of those little *******s.

Dealing with kids by talking about it and having them accept the consequences is one thing - but berating them, because you have an anger issue is another. Don't get me wrong - I am NOT ever OK with lying - and they have since come to me apologizing for "embelishing the truth", however, you hvae to meet kids where they are.  And I get excellent results from living by that mantra.  I also don't have kids feel the need to lie to me.  Rest assured - these kids will NOT be using my name ever again.  Their choice - they know how I feel.  And I even think they thought they were not lying - until we explained what they did.

And as far as feeling sympathetic toward them, I just want my kids - and I do feel they are MY kids, to learn life lessons in a safe place.  Every child is going to test the adults around them.  Our job is to guide them in the right direction, assure them that there are consequences for inappropriate choices and move forward.  I am certainly not going to hold it against them that they were only acting their age and trying to get away with something.  It does not affect me in the long run.  I AM a grown-up (Stop laughing) and I have learned many things along the way - it is my turn to pay it forward.

And  I don't take any **** from them.....There is a reason I teach middle-schoolers - and love it!  We have a mutual respect for each other and THAT is what works!  (And beleive me - many of them ARE little *******s - but much of that is because their parents are idiots - it is NOT the fault of the child.)