Need to talk...

Thanks Linda,
Normally, my kids call Grammy on her crap, except that there were new people at Christmas, and my son would not make a scene on Christmas.  He is going to talk to her privately.  He is not gay, my drinking son is the one who is bisexual. 

I am drained at this point.  I appreciate the reminder about the 4 Cs.  I had forgotten about them.

Hugs,
Trish

Trish no offense but I don't care who is gay not gay bi or whatever no one has the right to make comments about it.  As far as there being new people at the party I personally would not have let that stop me from putting Grammy in her place because I am sure they wondered why she got away with that behavior she would have been the embarrassed party if possible. Glad I could reinforce you on the 4 Cs I never realized what they meant til I had to go thru it with my husband he is a recovering addict of 18 years something I am so humbly grateful for.  Its a lesson hard learned.  Laureen is right its a family disease all are affected so all needs to know how to address it. I can remember when someone told me to go to NarAnon and I said it wasn't me that had the problem boy was I stupid for saying that.  I lived and learned. Chin up sweetie. Hang in there and have a happy, healthy new year.

I totally agree that inappropriate behavior should not be tolerated, regardless of who the source is.  I let my adult children handle Grammy on their own, because that is between them and her, and I will back them on their call, if they choose to call her on her crap.  My son, the one insulted, decided to handle it privately with her, which is his choice.  He did not want to embarass anyone by getting into with her in front of new family members.  As for my bi son with the drinking problem, my older son is dealing with him as best he can, simply by pointing out how outrageous he was under the influence of alcohol, now that it is past.  I have been unsuccessful in reaching my sponsor to talk about it.  As long as I stay sober, that is the most important thing to me.

Thanks again.

Trish

Hi Trish,

You've already gotten lots of insight and some of this stuff is stuff you already know, but when a close family member is involved, we cannot be clinical about their behavior.  Your Mom seems to think that because she is "older" that gives her certain rights, the right to be, say and do things that make others feel badly and bad behavior is just that and no matter our ages, we still need to take others feelings into consideration, that is if we want to be included in the company of others and perhaps that is what needs to be said to her next time she acts up.  Saying it does not mean that she will do anything different, but letting her know it is not going unnoticed might help you and whoever else she does it to to feel better just by calling her on it.

With regards to your son, it is never easy to see what the disease of addiction does to our family members, it is why it is generally seen as a family disease, because the behaviors have long lasting effects on those affected by it.  It is cunning, baffling and powerful and it is a disease that truly convinces people that they are not affected, denial is a tough thing, no one can help a person who is ingrained in denial, as self awareness is the necessary ingredient to any lasting change.  You can lead by example of how you choose to live today and pray that your son hits a bottom that will wake him up to the benefits of living life differently than he is currently doing.  You can neither change, nor take responsibility for him, but you can pray and each night picture yourself handing him over to your HP.

Trish this is a difficult time of year, families are brought together more and the dramas can be heartwrenching, so focus on what is good in YOUR life and pray for those that need assistance, that they may find exactly what they need.

Hugs, Laureen

Thanks so much, Laureen.  Your reminders of the aspects of this disease not only reminded me about my son, but also about myself.  From talking to my other son, this afternoon, I realized that younger son, Sean, may also have co-occurring bipolar disorder, which I also have, and Mom also has.  Hmmm...

I will continue to pray for wisdom in this one.

Hugs,
Trish