The cards really dont lie and neither does the scale.

Ok for those of you that read my post before, a few things have changed, and I have made some decisions. Today I had to go to the Dr. for my injury. I was so scared to go, because I have not weighed since aug and I knew I had gained weight. I have been steadly gaining for the past two years. My heart was pounding and i did something that I usually dont do. I picked up my phone and sent out SOS texts. I post here alot but rarely ask for help or support in the moment. Of course the texts were supportive, forgiving and funny. I made the nurse tell me the number because I was afraid I would look away. Here goes, I am being honest because I tell my clients we are only as sick as our secrets. My lowest weight was 179. I had hoped to get to 150. Never got there. Today my weight is 218. now granted it is late in the day and I had boots and a big sweater on, so maybe 6 lbs of clothing. But still that is a significant weight gain. Now I was reminded by one of my sassy texters that it isnt 350. What i fear is that. and that it is a number and numbers can be changed. So, I know that I cannot do this alone, i need to ask for help.

One thing I am offering up is to lead a back on track group as a facilitator but also participant one time per month in person at some location we can come up with. No charge from me at all, but you will have to purchase the BOT materials. The group is usually weekly but can be done alot slower. I will committ my time to help you and myself at the same time, This is something that I can manage. Neither will suffer. Let me know if you want to do this.

I am sad about the number but  i know it can change and i know what i need to do. First and foremost ask for help because I dont have all the answers.

After doing the Beck book with you I would definately want to do this with you.   I have also had some bounceback and this time of year is scary.   I am not a big group person so the barix support isn't attractive to me plus too easy for me to hide in the big group.  I imagine this would be much smaller group and I/we would have to face our demons for real.

God bless you for your honesty, Nicole.  I don't want to know what I weigh and probably won't find out until my gyn appt in March.  Money is an issue for me, so I won't be joining you in an official program, but I will be trying to bet back on track in the new year.  I look forward to hearing how people like us start to put one foot back in front of the other to regain lost ground -- or re-lose lost weight, as the case may be.

As you know, I got sidetracked this year with alcoholism.  I continue to work the 12 steps and highly recommend them, but know that there is more to this business of eating.  I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

the materials are through BSCI BOT books so they can be purchased from them.
I dont get anything from them for them, but they are a good resource.

Nicole,

Thank you for your honesty and the kick in the pants.  Although I have not gained weight I am not losing at all and I'm scared to death that the scale will start to creep up.  If we can come up with a place to hold the meeting I am in... All I need is the resource to buy the materials.

Thank you for being willing to host the group. 

Lemme know.

Kris.
[email protected]

Hi Nicole,
I think you are great for both being so honest and really looking for a way to get back on track, especially while helping others.
Even though I am only 4 months out, I think this would be a good thing for me to do.  I am noticing old feelings/habits trying to sneak back into my life.
If the meetings are within reason for me to get to I would love to participate.
THANKS
Deb

I'm sorry you're fighting regain, Nic.  My lowest (which did NOT last long) was 134, but after some hormonal issues and changes in birth control and a trip to Paris, I'm up to 156.  None of my clothes fit, and I HATE having to buy newer, bigger clothes again.

Knowing this and knowing what I have to do to FIX it is not helping much at this time of year.  But like you, I know I need to rededicate myself to eating right.  Sigh...

Nic,

You know that you are an amazing inspiration to me and to many others.  This is just another way in which you lead by example.

Assuming that the meetings are at a place and time that I can get to (NOT monday nights!), i will definitely be interested in being part of this class and a fellow traveler along this journey.

Hugs to you - we will continue becoming healthier human beings together and will continue to learn and grow along this road.

Karen

Well you know I love you and am ALWAYS here for you!

AS a matter of accountability I got on the scale this morning too, you inspired me. DIDN'T like what I saw. Granted it is only 5 pounds, but it got me back above 200 and I didn't ever want to see that number again. Unfortunately having an infant is going to make it next to impossible for me to meet to do the program but I think I am going to order the books and go through them - something has to sink in eventually right?!

And remember, we are only 4 years old! (well almost for me)

*hugs*

Nicole,

We all seem to have this struggle as we progress through this journey of ours, but we also know of others who have experienced regain and got back on track and lost the weight.  I don't know that I have the time for your program or the money for the materials, but I will look into it and depending on where, when and so on, I will see about joining you. 

What I know is I have to get back to weighing and measuring, logging and the gym and that will go a long way towards achieving what goals I started out with over three years ago.  Unfortunately, there is no easy solution, it is about constant vigilance, just as an alcoholic in recovery needs to maintain their sobriety through doing certain things that work, so must we, because the bottom line is we cannot afford to go back to what got us here in the first place.  Yes, it is disappointing when we regain, for me personally, I vowed NEVER to return to that former state, well here I sit in fear that not only can it happen, but one pound at a time, it is happening. 

I am going to do the 5-day pouch test beginning January 3rd, anyone want to join me?  I need a reset and am hoping that, along with rededication on my part will put what I know is not good for me in remission.

Thanks Nic for your honesty and integrity.

Hugs, Laureen