Consciousness of Addiction (Anatomy, Chap 1 exercises)
Furthering my journey and my accountability, I'm working through the exercises in "anatomy" chapter 1. I don't want to rush through this process, but I'm finding it very therapeutic (oddly) to share these self-observations with you all. It makes me more honest with myself and forces me not to gloss over things that I'd rather not observe. Bear with me - you don't have to actually read this stuff - it's me SAYING it that's the important part of my therapy :-).
But if you do read it and if you're on the same path and want to share your exercises, feel free!
Here's chapter 1 (my responses in italics):
1. 2 For the next 24 hours record the number and length of your cravings for food. For each one record:
- Time
- Length
- Strength (scale of 1 - 10)
- What just happened?
- What are you feeling?
(I'll be doing this one from now until tomorrow night)
1.3 Control measures
- List all of the control measures you've tried. Count (honestly) the number of diets you've been on.
Honestly, I think I've been on at least 30 - 40 diets in my life, ranging from Weigh****chers (several times) to Jenny Craig, to various "quack" diets, to Cambridge Diet (anyone else remember that one?), to taking Dexatrim, tried taking Meridia for a while, too. I had one boyfriend who was my "food police" and would allocate my food for me. (that didn't work out so well.) Tried the Richard Simmons thing with the card deck and the little wallet where you'd move the cards around until you'd finished your allocation for the day. Was on several doctor-recommended "restrict your calories" things.
Control measures I've tried include wearing a rubber band around my wrist and "snapping" it when I have a craving, rubbing my earlobe when I have a craving, and deep breathing. The first two have not worked for me, but the last one seems to show some promise.
- How many rules about eating have you set and broken today?
Rule 1: I will eat only what I have packed during work (kept)
Rule 2: I will drink at least 2-1/2 of my bottles of water (2 during work, at least 1/2 after getting home... which means I need to finish one by lunchtime). Broken - reset as "I will drink at least 1 bottle at work, one bottle after work, and as much as I can before bedtime." Broken - reset as "I'm going to try to get 2 full bottles worth in by the time i go to bed."
Rule 3: I will make sure to eat my mid-morning snack on time, and will save my afternoon snack for late afternoon - Broken - reset as "I will skip my midmorning snack and have it with my afternoon snack - Broken - reset as "I will have a more robust lunch that incorporates my afternoon snack with what i've packed for lunch, then will have my morning snack as my afternoon snack. - Broken... ended up never having that yogurt, having my protein crackers with my lunch (which made my lunch bigger than it should be), and being "too hungry" when I got home tonight).
Rule 4: I will stop at the grocery store on the way home to get a check cashed and will not buy any food. Reset as: I will buy something healthy for dinner (got a tilapia filet - not bad) and will not purchase anything that I can eat in the car on the way home. SUCCESS!!
Rule 5: I will not snack after dinner. Reset as: "I will have a minimal snack after dinner and will keep it healthy." Reset as "dammit, i'm having a piece of SF chocolate." Reset as "Well, I just had 5 pieces of SF chocolate." Sigh. Not a good night for that last one.
(that was an enlightening exercise for me - it's the renegotiating that gets me every time.)
1.4 - The Truth About Consequences
- List various incentives others have offered you or that you have offered yourself if you changed your eating patterns. Cross out all that didn't work. Look at what's left.
- List various threats of dire consequences if you didn't change. Circle the ones that worked.
- Consider both lists carefully (is there a strategy emerging?)
Incentives:
What Worked:
- "You'll have fewer aches and pains." (me)
- "You might live longer and beat the genetic odds inherited from your father." (me)
- "People will take you more seriously." (me, based on observation)
What Didn't:
- "I'll take you to NYC for a weekend if you can get down to 135 pounds." (old boyfriend)
- "People will like you." (my mom, at an early age)
- "You'll be healthier." (various doctors)
Threats:
What Worked:
- "You will almost inevitably develop diabetes, cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, rheumatoid arthritis, or one of the other diseases you're genetically predisposed to." (me, observing my father's side of the family)
- "There's increasing evidence of a link between obesity and Alzheimers/dementia" (me)
What Didn't:
- I'll leave you if you don't lose weight (old boyfriend)
- You'll never wear pretty clothes
------------
I'm sure I'll be filling in more of the Incentives and Threats as the implications of this exercise trickle through my brain.
Karen
But if you do read it and if you're on the same path and want to share your exercises, feel free!
Here's chapter 1 (my responses in italics):
1. 2 For the next 24 hours record the number and length of your cravings for food. For each one record:
- Time
- Length
- Strength (scale of 1 - 10)
- What just happened?
- What are you feeling?
(I'll be doing this one from now until tomorrow night)
1.3 Control measures
- List all of the control measures you've tried. Count (honestly) the number of diets you've been on.
Honestly, I think I've been on at least 30 - 40 diets in my life, ranging from Weigh****chers (several times) to Jenny Craig, to various "quack" diets, to Cambridge Diet (anyone else remember that one?), to taking Dexatrim, tried taking Meridia for a while, too. I had one boyfriend who was my "food police" and would allocate my food for me. (that didn't work out so well.) Tried the Richard Simmons thing with the card deck and the little wallet where you'd move the cards around until you'd finished your allocation for the day. Was on several doctor-recommended "restrict your calories" things.
Control measures I've tried include wearing a rubber band around my wrist and "snapping" it when I have a craving, rubbing my earlobe when I have a craving, and deep breathing. The first two have not worked for me, but the last one seems to show some promise.
- How many rules about eating have you set and broken today?
Rule 1: I will eat only what I have packed during work (kept)
Rule 2: I will drink at least 2-1/2 of my bottles of water (2 during work, at least 1/2 after getting home... which means I need to finish one by lunchtime). Broken - reset as "I will drink at least 1 bottle at work, one bottle after work, and as much as I can before bedtime." Broken - reset as "I'm going to try to get 2 full bottles worth in by the time i go to bed."
Rule 3: I will make sure to eat my mid-morning snack on time, and will save my afternoon snack for late afternoon - Broken - reset as "I will skip my midmorning snack and have it with my afternoon snack - Broken - reset as "I will have a more robust lunch that incorporates my afternoon snack with what i've packed for lunch, then will have my morning snack as my afternoon snack. - Broken... ended up never having that yogurt, having my protein crackers with my lunch (which made my lunch bigger than it should be), and being "too hungry" when I got home tonight).
Rule 4: I will stop at the grocery store on the way home to get a check cashed and will not buy any food. Reset as: I will buy something healthy for dinner (got a tilapia filet - not bad) and will not purchase anything that I can eat in the car on the way home. SUCCESS!!
Rule 5: I will not snack after dinner. Reset as: "I will have a minimal snack after dinner and will keep it healthy." Reset as "dammit, i'm having a piece of SF chocolate." Reset as "Well, I just had 5 pieces of SF chocolate." Sigh. Not a good night for that last one.
(that was an enlightening exercise for me - it's the renegotiating that gets me every time.)
1.4 - The Truth About Consequences
- List various incentives others have offered you or that you have offered yourself if you changed your eating patterns. Cross out all that didn't work. Look at what's left.
- List various threats of dire consequences if you didn't change. Circle the ones that worked.
- Consider both lists carefully (is there a strategy emerging?)
Incentives:
What Worked:
- "You'll have fewer aches and pains." (me)
- "You might live longer and beat the genetic odds inherited from your father." (me)
- "People will take you more seriously." (me, based on observation)
What Didn't:
- "I'll take you to NYC for a weekend if you can get down to 135 pounds." (old boyfriend)
- "People will like you." (my mom, at an early age)
- "You'll be healthier." (various doctors)
Threats:
What Worked:
- "You will almost inevitably develop diabetes, cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, rheumatoid arthritis, or one of the other diseases you're genetically predisposed to." (me, observing my father's side of the family)
- "There's increasing evidence of a link between obesity and Alzheimers/dementia" (me)
What Didn't:
- I'll leave you if you don't lose weight (old boyfriend)
- You'll never wear pretty clothes
------------
I'm sure I'll be filling in more of the Incentives and Threats as the implications of this exercise trickle through my brain.
Karen
Thanks for sharing that with us, but I gotta tell you, it feels like so much Work! I've read the book a couple of times, start the exercises, and then fall apart somewhere down the line. Thinking about eating/not eating/dieting/recording food/planning/preparing -- it all becomes so obsessive for me that I can't think of anything else when I go down that road.
I appreciate your posting, though. Maybe something you go through will help me or someone else as we continue to fight this battle.
I appreciate your posting, though. Maybe something you go through will help me or someone else as we continue to fight this battle.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
Jill,
I think you're definitely right - it IS a lot of work. Reversing or fighting the ingrained habits and addictions of 47 years of disordered eating isn't something that's easy or quick. My commitment to myself is to work on this over time (it's a marathon, not a sprint) and to keep at it as long as I need to. If this were alcoholism, AA woudl be telling me that I will need to do it every day of my life, and I tend to thing that's true.
Not thinking of anything else may not be a bad thing for spurts of time, at least - it keeps the focus of energy where it needs to be and the brain involved in the process, instead of taking things for granted. For me, at least, taking this process for granted (i.e., "getting ****y") is where things start to fall off in effectiveness and abstinence.
Again, it's only my personal take on it - not saying you're wrong at all!
Karen
I think you're definitely right - it IS a lot of work. Reversing or fighting the ingrained habits and addictions of 47 years of disordered eating isn't something that's easy or quick. My commitment to myself is to work on this over time (it's a marathon, not a sprint) and to keep at it as long as I need to. If this were alcoholism, AA woudl be telling me that I will need to do it every day of my life, and I tend to thing that's true.
Not thinking of anything else may not be a bad thing for spurts of time, at least - it keeps the focus of energy where it needs to be and the brain involved in the process, instead of taking things for granted. For me, at least, taking this process for granted (i.e., "getting ****y") is where things start to fall off in effectiveness and abstinence.
Again, it's only my personal take on it - not saying you're wrong at all!
Karen
First off, your old boyfriend sounds like a douche!
secondly, well done my friend, I think the effort you are putting in will really pay off for you. Now, if you can stop having to reset your goals you ll be in great shape. Are you setting goals you think you can achieve or do you have an inkling that you wont be able to meet them when you set them? Don't be too easy on yourself but don't set gaols you wont pass either, thereby setting yourself up to fail. Its a difficult balance.
Swede
secondly, well done my friend, I think the effort you are putting in will really pay off for you. Now, if you can stop having to reset your goals you ll be in great shape. Are you setting goals you think you can achieve or do you have an inkling that you wont be able to meet them when you set them? Don't be too easy on yourself but don't set gaols you wont pass either, thereby setting yourself up to fail. Its a difficult balance.
Swede
HW=400 SW=383 CW=252 GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!! Pounds Lost =148
Swede,
Yes, your assessment of my old boyfriend is pretty much right on target, if a little on the gentle side. :-)
And you're right - workign on setting goals and NOT resetting them will really be key in this. Yesterday's revelation of just how many "renegotiations" I was making with myself was eye-opening. Today I was much more conscious of how I was setting goals and what I was doing with them, and did much better with them.
The goals that I set (yesterday, at least) were goals that were definitely achievable and things that I HAD acheived in the past when I was "on plan." That's why my resetting of them is so incredibly frustrating for me. It's really not anything I haven't already done!
Thanks for helping me continue to find the balance and ask the tough questions!
Karen
Yes, your assessment of my old boyfriend is pretty much right on target, if a little on the gentle side. :-)
And you're right - workign on setting goals and NOT resetting them will really be key in this. Yesterday's revelation of just how many "renegotiations" I was making with myself was eye-opening. Today I was much more conscious of how I was setting goals and what I was doing with them, and did much better with them.
The goals that I set (yesterday, at least) were goals that were definitely achievable and things that I HAD acheived in the past when I was "on plan." That's why my resetting of them is so incredibly frustrating for me. It's really not anything I haven't already done!
Thanks for helping me continue to find the balance and ask the tough questions!
Karen
Most Active
Recent Topics
