Addiction and help (long)

Karen I am right where you are but I have to say that this back on track program that I am doing is helping. It helps with goal setting, replacing habits and it is very comprehensive.

I am thinking of running a group starting in Jan if you are interested. There will be some cost involved due to materials etc but I will be cheap cheap comparitively to other programs,. It really is helpful,

Admitting it is the first step, 12 step programs do work with addiction so following them can be helpful. But you have to adapt them to your comfort zone. it is when we realize that we are powerless to control the food that we will get what we have always done unless we overhaul our lives then we can make changes.

I have learned in this back on track program that focusing on doing something diffrerent rather that WHITE knuckling my way through NOT doing something is a better use of time.

Love you you can do this

The back on track group sounds really interesting - how would you see that working? (online, phone, etc,?)... Depending on the cost, it could be the perfect thing!

I also like the thought of focusing on doing something instead of not doing something.... my struggle is usually an active one (I would love to be able to eat something to make me lose weight rather than to not eat something, if that makes any sense.... i'm much better at action rather than inaction to achieve a goal).

Thanks!
karen

I wanted to send you hugs and strength! You CAN do this!

I too have an issue with the carby things, not sugar. I know 10 M&Ms is my limit and I only have them maybe once a week. I don't push that limit. BRead on teh other hand, well it doesn't bother me so I can eat it at will. This week I have been forcing myself back on the protein. AFter the holidays there won't be bread in my house. IF there is I am going to make Chris keep it out of sight. I do the worst at work. I do bring healthy snacks with me but I think that boredom takes over and I want to snack.

Good luck hun and know we are all here for you no matter what!

Liz

PS - I have also found that if I put the "leftovers" from dinner away BEFORE I eat dinner I do better too - no temptation to pick at things while I am packing it up. I also pack up my lunch while I am making dinner so I can avoid the kitchen afterwards.

ETA - I agree on the sweetened drinks. I only drink water with lemon most of the day and 1 cup of coffee or tea in the morning.

Thanks, Liz! 

I had originally figured that the artificially sweetened drink packets added to my water were "fine."  But in retrospect, when I started switching over to them was when things seem to have really accellerated for me in terms of control issues.  I was reading something last night about some studies that have linked the brain stimulus from artificial sweeteners to weight gain and bingeing, so maybe there's something to that.  It's not all about glycemic response, after all.

I'm lucky in that work is structured enough (and busy enough) that I eat what I pack and pretty much that's it (other than today's President's Luncheon, and special occasion lunches like that which are few and far between).  It's more when I get home that I'm then out of control.

Karen

Karen, THANK YOU for such a powerful post!  And everyone else's comments are helpful too.

Even though I am only 4 months out, I am catching old thought patterns sneaking in.  I am not able to act on them, though.  My pouch does not hold much, so a bite or two of anything satisfies me.  I know this will not last forever.  I have not let any sugar pass my lips yet, so I don't know if I can tolerate it, and I DON'T want to know!  But I have been tasting carb-y things.  I know I won't be able to get away with this forever, and I need to stop now.

I find that meditation helps me a lot.  One of my goals for 2011 is to get back into a daily meditation routine first thing in the morning.  It ties in with Trish's breathing suggestion. 

Thanks again for good sharing,

Deb 

Thank you for the ongoing support, Deb.  Do what you can now to be aware of those patterns and tackle them head-on.  The more work you can do in the early days, the better your foundation for long-term success. 

Karen

Well they say confession is good for the soul so here goes...please re-read Karen's post minus the work-outs and you've just described me lately. I know I have also added pounds and yes, my clothes still fit as well, but I know my eating is not good - I can tell it in my hair, my face, my energy levels.

I think part of my problem is variety where proteins are concerned, and let's face it, carbs are easy and handy and taste good. And almost everything I think to eat or make involves some kind of carbs - which are fine when I'm working out and burning them, but lately the only 'work-out' I'm getting is at physical therapy twice a week and trust me, it's not even remotely close to a work-out.

I'm almost 3 years out and scared to death of regaining weight - I walk around now wondering if people have noticed the pounds I have put back on and are they thinking 'well, there she goes again - back to big and fat' ... very depressing.

I know the lack of support meetings for me isn't helping - laziness is not a good option or excuse because old habits die hard and creep back in when we least expect it. I'm open to suggestions on how we can all pull together and get thru this.

Kathy

Kathy,

Thanks for your honesty and insight.  I know the feeling of wondering "have people noticed" and I'm trying very hard not to fall into the "well, that means I've failed at this too" mind-trap.  I keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, and one that isn't over until i'm dead.  Which hopefully will be MANY years from now.  There is no "success" state and thus there cannot be a "failure" state... there are only good days and bad days.

Yes, support meetings (and this counts as one) definitely help.  They're like the little water cups that people hold out to marathon runners along the way - sips of revival that keep you going the next few strides or the next mile.

I really like Nicole's idea for a "Back on Track" group - i'm looking forward to seeing how that might work for some of us who are fighting the same fight.

Karen

I thought for a long time about what to say to you and here is what I have come up with.  Being a person with a job of always looking at what isn't being said or what is being glossed over by the people I work with here is what Id like you to do.  As a way of taking complete ownership for what you are struggling with i think it would be beneficial to post a list of the foods you have been eating that you know you shouldn't be.   "Carb-y" things is not enough ownership.  If we keep it a secret we can do it again.  I'm not trying to be nosy but I know it was beneficial for me to do the same thing last week.  Once I listed the food it was harder for me to go back to it.  Also, once the list has been posted I think it would help to determine if you need to have any of those foods in your house at all.  I know you don't live alone and the food is not yours alone to control but take a good look at it and see what you can remove from the house.  If it doesn't need to be there then.....it doesn't need to be there.  There is no benefit to having temptation surrounding you. 
Also, you are way too smart to not understand what is triggering you.  There is a reason why you are losing the battle with yourself.  You are the person on both sides of the fight, so you know what both of you are thinking.  You need to trace back your thought process and see what cycle you are in right now and find out where it is that you can change that cycle and interrupt the process. 
We just don't end up eating for no reason despite what we tell ourselves.  There are triggers...then thoughts.....then feelings.....then behaviors.  You know what the behaviors are, now its time to fill in the other blanks and decide what you want to do to interrupt it. 

Also, please don't wait for a fifteen pound weight gain again before you reach out to your friends, supporters, and fans here.   There will be a next time so lets see if we can limit the damage to a couple of slip ups and a few pounds of gain before the red flag goes up.

Much love to you Karen!

Swede

Thank you, Swede!!!!  

OK - complete ownership here, as you asked.  

Last night's posting was precipitated by my coming home and having a very nice steak dinner, accompanied by roasted mushrooms and brussel sprouts with onions.  So far, so good.

Within an hour after dinner, I proceeded to eat a stray whole wheat mini pita (last one in the bag), then a handful of almonds, then a SF whole grain granola bar (homemade), then a slice of SF coffee cake left over from the party, then finish up a bag of whole grain tortilla chips that was sitting on the table (about 1/2 cup, I think).  None of it was "intentional" or planned eating - even while I was eating the chips (which is what put me really over the edge) I was thinking OK i'll just have one more then put the bag away.

If I were to be COMPLETELY honest with myself, I wanted the chips and had I "just" eaten them maybe I could have stopped there (or maybe I'm kidding myself), but I wasn't going to be able to rest until I had them once I knew they were there.  They were there as leftovers from Saturday's party (which had both WLS and non-WLS people there).  I ate the other stuff to attempt to distract me from those damned chips that were calling my name. And I was home alone, or I would likely have called someone to come dispose of them or hide them.

I usually do a pretty good job of either not having triggers in the house, or if they are there, having them kept where they are "invisible" to me (in my daughter's room, for example).  I don't buy them when I shop (they have to buy them for themselves, if they want them).  But in this case, things were there from the party, they hadn't been "removed" or "hidden" and they got me.

I'm really mad at myself and think it's totally ridiculous that a grown woman should have to have things hidden from her so she doesn't eat them.  I "should" be stronger than that.  But I'm not.  And I have to continue to measure it back against the "alcohol" yardstick of whether I would think it was appropriate for an alcoholic to have in front of them when they are struggling.  

You ask great questions and have great insights, Swede.  Thank you.

Karen