I screwed up!!!
Hi everyone. I think I have put this off long enough. I need to be honest with myself and with all of you. I have been breaking a lot of rules and it seems like I found a way to justify all of it. Unfortunately justification is a thing I know all too well about. Cognitive distortions and I have been friends for a long time. So, here is the list:
Drinking alcohol: I did this three times. I justified it by “only drinking vodka and I mixed it with sugar free cool aide. I knew I shouldn’t have it but I told myself I could handle it physically and it wasn’t beer or anything.
Eating carbs: I have been eating life cereal as a snack and eating other carb foods like potatoes and bagels and little baby bites of pumpkin cookies. This started out as a once in a while thing then it became a daily occurrence (not the cookies that was like 3 times). As a result my weight loss completely stalled. I was stuck at 290 for about a month. I wasn’t real concerned about these decisions which I guess is another problem I need to get a hold of. I justified it by telling myself it was just a little bit here and there and I am feeling pretty comfortable at my current weight, soooooo. I knew I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing but it took me about a month to wrestle up the courage and common sense to talk to someone about this.
I eventually called Steffi and confessed my sins. She was a bit more confrontive than I thought she’d be but I'm glad she was. Together we came up with some positive food choices I need to make and I followed through on her advice that night! I went to Wal-Mart (which passes for my local “marketÂ") and bought a bunch of food that’s not only good tasting but also good for me. Steffi also reminded me that I in no way shape or form should be having alcohol this early out from my surgery. I'm still healing from my surgery and I don’t need to do anything that will cause me more post op problems (I’ve had enough of them)! I guess I kind of forgot about the “not healed completelyÂ" part of it all.
I have been completely on track with my eating since my talk with her last Wednesday. Wouldn’t you know it; as a result I have also lost 8 pounds! Funny how that works. I think I need to be more concerned on how easy it was for me to stray off the path and how easy it was for me to justify it. In hind sight that is exactly how all of my past diets failed because one slip led to another and so on.
The positive side to all of this is that I can recognize how easy it is to slip. I slipped and I learned from this mistake and I think I am better for it. I'm just glad I have friends like Steffi and all of you who are here to help and can relate and steer me in the right direction when I get off course. Thanks for reading.
Swede
Drinking alcohol: I did this three times. I justified it by “only drinking vodka and I mixed it with sugar free cool aide. I knew I shouldn’t have it but I told myself I could handle it physically and it wasn’t beer or anything.
Eating carbs: I have been eating life cereal as a snack and eating other carb foods like potatoes and bagels and little baby bites of pumpkin cookies. This started out as a once in a while thing then it became a daily occurrence (not the cookies that was like 3 times). As a result my weight loss completely stalled. I was stuck at 290 for about a month. I wasn’t real concerned about these decisions which I guess is another problem I need to get a hold of. I justified it by telling myself it was just a little bit here and there and I am feeling pretty comfortable at my current weight, soooooo. I knew I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing but it took me about a month to wrestle up the courage and common sense to talk to someone about this.
I eventually called Steffi and confessed my sins. She was a bit more confrontive than I thought she’d be but I'm glad she was. Together we came up with some positive food choices I need to make and I followed through on her advice that night! I went to Wal-Mart (which passes for my local “marketÂ") and bought a bunch of food that’s not only good tasting but also good for me. Steffi also reminded me that I in no way shape or form should be having alcohol this early out from my surgery. I'm still healing from my surgery and I don’t need to do anything that will cause me more post op problems (I’ve had enough of them)! I guess I kind of forgot about the “not healed completelyÂ" part of it all.
I have been completely on track with my eating since my talk with her last Wednesday. Wouldn’t you know it; as a result I have also lost 8 pounds! Funny how that works. I think I need to be more concerned on how easy it was for me to stray off the path and how easy it was for me to justify it. In hind sight that is exactly how all of my past diets failed because one slip led to another and so on.
The positive side to all of this is that I can recognize how easy it is to slip. I slipped and I learned from this mistake and I think I am better for it. I'm just glad I have friends like Steffi and all of you who are here to help and can relate and steer me in the right direction when I get off course. Thanks for reading.
Swede
HW=400 SW=383 CW=252 GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!! Pounds Lost =148
Hey! Turns out i AM more than just a pretty face.....
Anyway - in all seriousness - we are all in this together - as the song from High School Musical says! None of us are perfect, and we all have to learn from what we do - this is a brand new situation for us. We spent so many years doing things that hurt us physcially (And most probably, emotionally too) that when we try to do the right thing, turning to the dark side is just easier. I am glad that I could be the voice of reason for you at a time when you needed it! And, just so you know - having these conversations help me as well. I get to remind myself what I need to do to keep where I am. There will ALWAYS be temptations and we will fall prey to them, the goal is to reaize - which you seem to have done - what the triggers are that send us there and to stop them as quickly as possible. (Might I remind you of my ICING incident?!?!) I am VERY proud of you for one, calling me (Or anyone really - but especially me 
) and then making it public. A kick in the ass no matter how damned tall you are is necessary.....and as for me being, "a bit more confrontive than I thought"? do you NOT know what I do for a living! I learn from the best inner-city middle schoolers have to offer!
You are an amazing and inspirational friend and I thank you for being honest with all of us - but mostly with yourself!
Anyway - in all seriousness - we are all in this together - as the song from High School Musical says! None of us are perfect, and we all have to learn from what we do - this is a brand new situation for us. We spent so many years doing things that hurt us physcially (And most probably, emotionally too) that when we try to do the right thing, turning to the dark side is just easier. I am glad that I could be the voice of reason for you at a time when you needed it! And, just so you know - having these conversations help me as well. I get to remind myself what I need to do to keep where I am. There will ALWAYS be temptations and we will fall prey to them, the goal is to reaize - which you seem to have done - what the triggers are that send us there and to stop them as quickly as possible. (Might I remind you of my ICING incident?!?!) I am VERY proud of you for one, calling me (Or anyone really - but especially me ) and then making it public. A kick in the ass no matter how damned tall you are is necessary.....and as for me being, "a bit more confrontive than I thought"? do you NOT know what I do for a living! I learn from the best inner-city middle schoolers have to offer!You are an amazing and inspirational friend and I thank you for being honest with all of us - but mostly with yourself!
Swede,
Confession is good for the soul!
Glad that you reached out Steffi was able to get you back on track and I am glad she responded the way she did. So many want to hear sunshone and rainbow replies or have glitter up shoot out the butt. But this is a serious life chane we need to hear it from those ahead of us on the journey and even those after us on the journey. We have an amazing support system here and tell it like it is but it always with love that we do or say what you need to hear.
Steffi was right alcohol is way to early on your journey. Give it time and it will happen in moderation again. Thank you for sharing your struggles so glad that Steffi was there for you. (she is pretty damn amazing)
Confession is good for the soul!
Glad that you reached out Steffi was able to get you back on track and I am glad she responded the way she did. So many want to hear sunshone and rainbow replies or have glitter up shoot out the butt. But this is a serious life chane we need to hear it from those ahead of us on the journey and even those after us on the journey. We have an amazing support system here and tell it like it is but it always with love that we do or say what you need to hear.
Steffi was right alcohol is way to early on your journey. Give it time and it will happen in moderation again. Thank you for sharing your struggles so glad that Steffi was there for you. (she is pretty damn amazing)
Swede,
It's so easy and so seductive to have "just one bite" or "just one sip"... and then to wake up a week later and realize that one turned into a heckuva lot more. Congratulations on recognizing this and reaching out in a positive and productive way to cut the demon off at its knees.
The issue of addictive behavior is one that the vast majority of us struggle with. Generally, the first year is the "honeymoon" when it's held at bay a bit - but in your case, you started in so strong and for so long PRE-op that your "addiction clock" started ticking even before surgery. Your mind is at this point where most of ours are after a year, even though you're only 3 months out.
But the point is (as Steffi said) you are only 3 months out. You're not yet at goal weight (even though you're making amazing progress and further along than you might have expected of yourself at this point). You have the opportunity not only to reach your goals but more importantly to re-set your mental relationship with food so that you can maintain your new and healthier way of life.
The work you're doing now - acknowledgement, accountability, taking it a day at a time, resetting your mental outlook - those are the truly critical steps along the way to long-term success with WLS. It's really not about protein shakes and small portions at all... it's 90% the mental game and learning about ourselves and what drives the choices we make. Kudos to you for recognizing that before you got yourself derailed, calling a "sponsor" to help you with it, and getting back on the horse!
Karen
It's so easy and so seductive to have "just one bite" or "just one sip"... and then to wake up a week later and realize that one turned into a heckuva lot more. Congratulations on recognizing this and reaching out in a positive and productive way to cut the demon off at its knees.
The issue of addictive behavior is one that the vast majority of us struggle with. Generally, the first year is the "honeymoon" when it's held at bay a bit - but in your case, you started in so strong and for so long PRE-op that your "addiction clock" started ticking even before surgery. Your mind is at this point where most of ours are after a year, even though you're only 3 months out.
But the point is (as Steffi said) you are only 3 months out. You're not yet at goal weight (even though you're making amazing progress and further along than you might have expected of yourself at this point). You have the opportunity not only to reach your goals but more importantly to re-set your mental relationship with food so that you can maintain your new and healthier way of life.
The work you're doing now - acknowledgement, accountability, taking it a day at a time, resetting your mental outlook - those are the truly critical steps along the way to long-term success with WLS. It's really not about protein shakes and small portions at all... it's 90% the mental game and learning about ourselves and what drives the choices we make. Kudos to you for recognizing that before you got yourself derailed, calling a "sponsor" to help you with it, and getting back on the horse!
Karen
Hey Swede - you're human! Most of us have slipped up and screwed up - the good thing is you caught it early, you reached out for help, you recognize the dangers of testing the waters so soon after surgery, and you're turning it back around. If you're a betting man one thing that is probably a sure bet is that you will slip up again somewhere down the road, but that's why we're all here - to help each other through those difficult times.
Most of us have spent a lifetime being 'fluffy' and we got that way from bad eating habits, not moving like we should, and not paying attention to what we're putting in our mouths - that's a tough one to break because like its been said before and it will be said again 'They operate on our stomachs, not our minds - we have to work on that ourselves'.
You're doing great - congrats on the 8 lbs loss - that's fantastic!! And don't berate yourself for slipping up - congratulate yourself for reaching out for help and putting the excellent advice you got from Steffi in motion.
Kathy
Most of us have spent a lifetime being 'fluffy' and we got that way from bad eating habits, not moving like we should, and not paying attention to what we're putting in our mouths - that's a tough one to break because like its been said before and it will be said again 'They operate on our stomachs, not our minds - we have to work on that ourselves'.
You're doing great - congrats on the 8 lbs loss - that's fantastic!! And don't berate yourself for slipping up - congratulate yourself for reaching out for help and putting the excellent advice you got from Steffi in motion.
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
We all "screw up" at times in this journey. It isn't any different than all the other times we tried to diet, except now we have a tool that helps us stay in better control. It doesn't, however, stop us from putting in things we shouldn't now and then. The good thing is, you are being accountable for it, and not deluding yourself, so you should be able to get back on track. You know the old saying, one day at a time. Good luck!! :D
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