Maura's dilemma - Holiday Baking

Last night at Barix support, Maura shared her dilemma over her family's expectation that she continue her long time tradition if holiday baking.

I thought about this a lot as I drove home. How do we cope with the expectations of others that may put us in "compromising positions"? Even if we have experienced great sypuccess on our journey, how do we handle those situations where we don't want to disappoint others...but truly know that it may open a Pandoras box that is hard to deal with in the long term.

So here are a couple of thoughts.

First....it is okay for us to openly say to others, "It's not the same as it used to be. I guess those days of baking 100 varieties of cookies were tye good old days, weren't they?"

Things have changed. We have changed. For other, those may have been the good old days. For us, they were days that fed the addiction and obsession with food.

Secondly, we must protect ourselves by carefully evaluating the situations we put ourselves into. If we were compulsive gamblers, would the fam insist that we spend time with them at the casinos or track? If we were alcoholics, would we try to convinve ourselves that hanging at the bars would be okay because someone ELSE expected us to be there?

For me, the answer has to be a resounding NO.

So for me, the answer to the baking question would have to be this. It's time to tea this gang to fish....not to give them a fish. (bad paraphrase but you know what I mean.)

If I were in Maura's shoes, I would buy lovely recipe cards or print out my favorite recipes for each of those family members who have loved them over the years and put them into a nice album. Instead of making cookies for each of them...give them those treasured recipes. Add a note that this one was 'mom's favorite' or 'the recipe
Aunt Rose always made'.

Alternately, I might make up 'cookie kits' with the fpdry ingredients for each recipe in a cute jar or ziploc tied with a bow...and attach the directions for them to finish up.

Either way, you send a powerful message that the bake shop is closed.

Now, if they want to come to you for some kind of Greek yogurt veggie dip...hey, I bet you can hook 'em right up!

Just 2 cents worth. And sorry for the typos...this touch pad is tricky!

Wow....really sorry for the typos! Word completer is not my friend....but I couldn't get to the screen to correct them...apologies! Its the thought that counts!

Ok...I wasn't at the barix meeting...and I certainly haven't been on the boards a whole heck of a lot.

I do the baking for my family, friends, and always have done baking for work as well.

I have continued that tradition because I absolutely positively LOVE to bake.  Kid you not, the year of surgery - I'm talking 4 weeks post op - I went to costco and bought flour in the huge huge huge bag that looks like a bag of kitty  litter in order to do all of my baking I was doing that year.

I make sf varieties as well for myself now.  Most every recipie can be altered to do that with somehow.  And really - I don't miss eating the real stuff most of the time.  Do I have my moments?  Sure I do! 

However - I LOVE your ideas of the cookie kits and what not for those who do not wish to put themselves in that situation.

P

I'm with Pam. I still do a TON Of cooking and baking of foods that I won't eat. Now that being said I know for some people that this just won't work. I won't touch the "real" cookies or sweets and if I do I can stop at one bite because dumping sucks! What I do is make them and put them in tupperware and put them out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind.

I love your idea of the cookie cards and kits. OR maybe invite a few people over to help you make the cookies then take them all home with them.

Lynn,

I love your suggestion, but also can say that just because we have had WLS does not mean we cannot bake goodies, there are many ways to adapt recipes and therefore be able to provide goodies, some can be done and no one is the wiser for it. 

Either way, I love the suggestion of giving those who will miss the "old" goodies the gift of a recipe book or cards with loving expressions of where the recipe came from, so that they can now be the ones providing those goodies!

The back of the AA coin says, "To Thine Own Self Be True"  and that is what we need to do in order to maintain our lives as we develop long lasting recovery from obesity.

Hugs, Laureen

Just to clarify on Maura's behalf for Pam and Liz, in particular - she loves to cook and used to love to bake all of the extended family's cookies. This year, she said "no" to baking the 100s of cookies that she had done in the past, but was getting pressure from family members who were "whining" (my word) that the recipe was "too hard" or "too complicated" for them to make themselves.  Maura being the wonderful kind person that she is is feeling "guilted" into doing something that she doesn't want to do and has already said no to once.

The issue here wasn't whether she could bake phenomenal SF cookies... it was the issue of being pressured into a situation that she really could have done without.  As we talked about, in the past she made sure each batch she cooked wasn't "poison" (i.e., tasting was a big part of the experience) and she was just not comfortable with taking on this task as she had done in the past.

For the cookies that she will be baking, Mark will be the designated tester, and she's limiting her "exposure" this year to the things she's already agreed to do (RIGHT, MAURA???).  

Lynn - you're so right that it's time to "teach this gang how to fish"...  (although fish and cookies just don't go together all that well, imho).  If they then choose not to fish, they will go hungry, but it's their choice, not your responsibility!

I love the idea of the recipe cards and maybe even the ingredient jars being a great holiday gift and a way to "pass the torch" to others, while protecting yourself.  It's something that might work for a lot of us. 

Thanks!
Karen

Lynn;

I also love to cook and bake.  My solution to handling the "real" cookies as they are termed in our family was to teach my oldest daughter how to bake all of grandmom and my cookie recipes.  She started out learning from my mom and has become the official family baker.  My younger daughter dislikes baking, she is the general cook as far as the big meals go.

I still bake, however, there is absolutely nothing in my house that is not WLS friendly to bake and cook with.  I make all my old favorites and some new re-invented recipes that are from Gene's family, and when we go visit we take our own goodies. 

When we go to my daughters houses, they have learned because they wanted to learn to cook and bake things that are WLS friendly for Gene and I.  My oldest is very creative with the baking now that I've taught her how to use sugar substitutes and whole wheat flour.

Ida

The list this year will be limited to macaroons, linzer tarts and potato chip cookies - they are the favorites that will satisy the masses and Yes Karen - I will ONLY be making the ones that I agreed to make and I will supplement the list with some SF options ns and I will put them in containers in the garage. 

While I have had sugar items in the house for others (and been able to refrain), I have not made any by my own hand.

I am thinking that I should do two batches of each and do one SF and "slip" a few "fake" ones in on em and see if they notice!   although I really think that there is no healthy option for potato chip cookies!

Lynn - I do really like the idea of giving the recipe cards and the ingredients.  If I have a hard time with the baking, this will be the last year and I think I will do that!  Thank you very much for posting an alternative. 

xoxo,

Maura

Maura, I scaled my baking back a few years ago (pre surgery), and still make one or two things to give away.

But there is really great joy in sharing those favorite recipes with others - you share the traditions, too.

well seeing that I am not much of a baker and there really aren't Chanukah cookies, I don't have any advice.   We never really did the Chanukah donuts, plus donuts aren't my downfall, so again.. nothing here for ya. 

Everyone else already had great ideas. 

Bron's (ex) sister in law makes up cookie kits and sells them throughout the year.  That is one way she makes extra money.  She changes up the decorations on the jar and the ingredients to match the season. 

I will say, though, that I am glad I don't work in the office during the holidays.  Even though I am still afraid of eating the "real deal", I'm glad I don't have to fight the urge.