Struggling

Thankfully, I don't want to drink.  I am not struggling with alcohol.  I am struggling with recovery.  I deal with transfer addictions.  I jumped from alcohol back to food.  As I started to deal with the food issues, and put compulsive use of food away, naturally my emotions/feelings/thoughts came back.  I have used food/drugs/alcohol/sex/food/sex/alcohol/food to keep my emotions at bay since I was 8 years old. 

I dealt with some major issues over the years through therapy and 12-step groups.  Issues like my parents' divorce, my father's abandonment of the family, and then his coming back into my life and molesting me.  Hard issues.  I got lots of healing, which helped me to conquer one compulsion after another, or so I thought.

The issue at hand.  A 23-year marriage to an abusive active addict.  The healing I went through using Celebrate Recovery led me to gastric bypass surgery.  It also allowed me to finally leave the marriage.  My divorce became final in September 2008 which, by no coincidence, I'm sure, is when I became an alcoholic.  The after-effects of that marriage are manifesting themselves in my inability to make friends, connect to people, nurture relationships and have any real intimacy.  I know my relationship with Bill works as well as it does because we rarely see each other, even though we live together (different work schedules).  I want more, but fear and insecurity are ruling my life right now. 

As I try to work on recovery, I find myself falling back into patterns of obsessive thinking, and compulsive behaviors (eating at the moment).  I do not know how to unpack this issue, look at it, and move on.

I do know that the issues with my dad took years.  After the "incident," I came home and talked to a few people.  It wasn't until 5 years later that I realized the impact it had on my life -- I no longer hugged or kissed people.  5 years after that, I brought it up in therapy.  10 years later, I asked my dad for an apology.  It was over 20 years before that situation was completely dealt with.

Can I speed up the process, please?  I'm 50 now.  I don't want the next 20 years to be spent dealing with the aftermath of a bad marriage.  So... please allow me to vent here, as needed.  I'm just warning you in advance.

Thanks for letting me share.

Jill,

You have ALOT on your plate as most of us do. Dealing with a pattern of obsessive  behaviors due to life altering situations can be overwhelming! NONE of it is your fault!!! I think with all that you have been through I would be afraid to have relationships too! I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband, which affected me for years. At first I was very distant from my husband when we were dating. When I explained to him what I went through, he totally understood and appreciated me opening up to him. He was very patient with me and always treated me with respect. I guess that is why I married him.

Through all the bad stuff, you had RNY which was a definite POSITIVE step to a healthier lifestyle. Try and focus on the good, positive stuff in your life. You obviously had success with the surgery. We ALL struggle with our head stuff, which can make successing even MORE difficult! I have been in a stall for six months now and that REALLY has my head out of wack!! I am trying to focus on the fact that I haven't gained any weight in the past six months....

You can vent on here anytime you want! We are here for you...

((HUGS))
Beth

Have you tried any EMDR therapy?? I would highly recommend it

I've never even heard of it!  Should I ask my therapist about it?

google it and then talk to your therapist about a possible referral not all therapists do it.
I have seen it transform lives

I second the vote for EMDR. I struggled terribly with PTSD, and it really helped me.