just found out I am getting a divorce

I am so sorry hun *hugs* you are a strong beautiful woman and you will find someone who loves you for who you are and treats you like the queen you deserve to be treated like!

Tracy,

I'm sorry to hear this news.  Kathy said what I wanted to say but couldn't figure out how to put in words.  Your kids will be ok.  It will be an adjustment for them---heck, for all of you.  As much as you might want to b*tch about hubby, please don't do it in front of your kids.  I know your situation is overwhelming right now, but things will settle down and everything will work out.  Yeah, I know---easier said than done, right??  Hugs to you and your kids!!! 

Thank you everyone. I don't believe in trashing him to our kids. I will just trash him to my family and friends...lol. They love him and he loves them. I would NEVER keep them from him. NEVER. I told him that I hope we are better friends than we were husband and wife. We need to be friends for everyones sake. I do feel sad but also I feel free. My house is soooo much cleaner now that he is gone. He never did anything around the house. I know it will all work out. I believe that in my heart.

Thank you all for your support. I need it. I have a major paper to write but can't focus enough to do it. Oh well...I only can handle what I can handle.

oh hun that just sucks... well if you ever need someone to watch the kids for a couple of hours on the weekend to study and i'm free email me and drop them off... Lore would have fun with them and don't care if they trash my house well because Lore does that all the time lol... i will FB you a private message of phone # etc...

I  am so very sorry. Things will become clearer once you are out of crisis. Not all men are as cruel and thoughtless as your husband. There is one for sure out there to love you for who you are.

Tracy,

We met at Liz's.  NO-ONE has as much saggy and droopy parts as me, I assure you.  I have been alone most of my life, and although I have not met anyone or been involved with anyone since my divorce, I can assure you life can be very rewarding with your new tool.  I fear the day I will need to show my flesh to a man.  I can only hope it will not be a disaster.  But until then, I will strut my new body with pride.  I envy you in that you still have your youth, and your kids will be a distraction from the lonliness.  When you least expect it, someone will come along that will worship the ground you walk on, just be aware there may be a lot of toads along the way.  Don't settle for the first toad to come along, be selective, your worth it.

Nan 

 

I was also divorced after 25 years. It's not an easy thing to go through - and certainly doesn't bring out the best in anyone.

So my first very practical advice is to get an attorney that is an absoute barracuda. Preferably a woman. Mr Daddypants will have to ante up some pretty hefty child support for...oh, say, the next 13 years or so. And if he wants out that badly, you can wrap in college expenses and other "goodies" into the deal. A friend stipulated that hubby would cover all expenses for his daughter's wedding Trust me. There are attorneys out there who can get a man out of your life with little more than a toothbrush.

I'm realy a very nice person. But my point is that you have to protect yourself and your children. It doesn't just "turn out."

I remarried before my RNY, so my hubby now knew me heavy...heavier.....and now. Give yourself time after the divorce to heal - it's like being bruised, and takes time. This will give you time to figure out what you want and need in your life. Move slowly. And don't compromise your standards one bit. If you hold the bar high, the man who comes along will see past the sagginess into your heart and mind.

And maybe he won't be quite the hardbody he was at 21 either!

I've already spoken to you on the phone, but I'll repeat.  After what you have been through, know that you are doing the right thing.  This has been a long time coming and I'm glad you have finally taken the steps to be happy.  You and the kids deserve it.  He will be there to help you out with the kids and that is what is most important.

As far as who will want you.. we discussed this, too.  Any REAL man is going to see past any droopy, saggy skin, and see the beauty that you have within.   Take time for yourself and the kids first.  You are going to need time to heal and so are they.  

Hang in there, my friend.  Call me anytime day or night if you need to vent, cry, scream or just need someone to make you laugh.  I am here for you, as we all are.

Lisa is exactly right. When a man falls for you in his eyes you will be flawless. He'll get to know the real you and merely see the beauty from within that radiates and covers any flaws. I don't think there is a person out there that is perfect. It's those imperfections that make people unique.

Thank you all for the kind words and advise. He doesn't want a divorce, he just wants time apart so we can both think of what we really want. I have to be honest with him and myself. That is hard to do. This past week has been hard with the two kids. They never leave me alone. At least Joe is coming to take the kids out for awhile. We will always be friends and do what's best for the kids...whatever that is.