Food issues never really go away do they?

So - I had one of the best weekends ever this past weekend.  My nephew's Bar Mitzvah was filled with spirituality, pride and...well...food issues.  They started Friday night.  I got to services any my very thin sister in law - who I had not seen since before my plastics, couldn't stop gawking and kvelling at what I looked like.  She was the mom of the Bar Mitzvah boy.  She also had a breast reduction back in May.  Her family as well as Larry's were all compliments and positive things to say - I loved every minute of ts and was taking it all in.  I loved what I was wearing and felt pretty good about myself.

I got to dinner at another person's house and loved spending time with Larry's family, was only able to really eat a little dinner - probably had one too many h'orevours - but did fine nonetheless.  Then dessert came out.  Mind you I was totally full.  Had had a few glasses of wine and would normally not have worried about dessert, but there was a birthday cake-like dessert - my all-time weakness.  Buttercream icing on either white, chocolate or marble cake - it really doesn't matter.  I HAD to leave.  I turned to Larry and said, I HAVE to leave.  He, as wonderful as he is, understood completely, took one look at me - then one look at the desserts, and immediately told the kids it was time to leave!  So we did - I didn't cave - I WOULDN'T cave - but I was frustrated nonetheless!

OK - so we all know some moments are harder than others and I just sucked it up, went home, went to bed and was all ready for the MAJOR event on Saturday morning.  The service was beautiful.  My children were actually well-behaved.  they each had a part in the service and did a great job.  Larry and I also had an honor during the service in which I felt great standing next to him in the pretty dress I was wearing which I bought with Pam when we went shopping over the summer with a fabulous pair of sliver strappy sandals.  My nephew was poised and confident as he read his Torah portion and said his speech and I was so proud of him and the entire family.  After services there is a little dessert reception, there was also a small luncheon given by my BIL & SIL, My other weakness - which is VERY similar to birthday cake - are petit fours.  OMG!  Again, they were freaking calling my name.  It sucked - this time it was more difficult as the only foods there were at the luncheon were little breakfast sandwiches - all on white rolls or bagels.  So my choices were VERY limited.  I had packed some high protein things for me - but I really was surprised that there was nothing that I was able to eat at the luncheon.  I have never really had that problem.  I ended up finding a small half of a bagel as I had to eat something and then I kept walking around. I dealt again and didn't partake - I know deep down that it is SOOOO not worth either the pain of dumping or even worse the not having the ability to just have one taste.  I know that I could NOT do that!

So - we left, I took a small nap, and then headed out to get my hair and make-up done for the big reception later in the evening.  I stopped and picked up some high-protein snacks to get me through the rest of the day.  I was nowhere near home and did not know where there was a wawa to get some cheese sticks, so I opted for a CVS that was on my way to the hair salon and picked up some peanut butter pretzels.  Not the best choice - but one in which I know I can control with ease.  

I got all made up - felt sooo pretty - rushed back to get dressed - LOVED LOVED LOVED the dress that I was wearing - and black and white little dress with spaghetti straps - had a new strapless bra on, same silver strappy sandals and was amazed and who looked back at me in the mirror.  I really didn't recognize the person there.  I kept looking at my small breasts and my even smaller tummy.  I have a waist and even in a dress that was not form fitting, I was able to say that I really looked like a girl.  Not a round blob with pretty hair.  (I always liked my hair!)

Got to the reception and all eyes were on me for a few minutes - I took it all in and loved every minute of it and actually felt pretty.  Larry and the kids only had amazing things to say to me - Larry's family was still telling me how proud they were of me, his cousins, who have always been thin and  I have ALWAYS loved, were joking with me and saying great things knowing my sarcasm.  His one cousin kept walking up to me with sayings like, "waif". "skinny *****" and my ultimate favorite, "Crack *****"  We laughed about that one the entire weekend.  (he REALLY does understand my sense of humor!)

Was partaking in some hors'Devours and had a few glasses of wine and was feeling pretty good.  Did some dancing, talked with a ton of people, and was just generally having a great time.  The salad was perfect, dinner which was all protein was perfect, not that I ate a lot - but still - filet AND salmon.  What more could a WLS person ask for?  Was dancing some more, drinking some more and playing with the family, friends and even some of the kids.  They served dessert - again, so stinking full - this time another cake with buttercream icing and this time - LAYERED!....WTH!!!!  It was like I was living in my own personal cake hell!  And then - just becuase I wasn't dying a little inside - there were these unbelievable looking thick chocolate chip cookies put on everyone's table.  OMG!  Again, I survived - how much does one person have to endure?!?!  I kept away from the tables, tried to ignore the ice cream sundae bar for the kids and turned to water.....OY!  This was totally testing my resolve!  Left the reception a better person knowing that I survived three major dessert festivities with nary a taste!  (Yes - I said Nary!)

Sunday morning, nope folks, we are not done yet - Brunch at my BIL & SIL's house.  Bagels, Bagels and more Bagels.  I took one half, toasted the crap out of it - schmeared some cream cheese and layered on regular cheese and was very satisfied and content - then she showed up with scrambled eggs - JACKPOT!!!!!  Protein!!!!  Had some of those and was quite content even when I saw the desserts.  No cake this time - thank god for small favors - other VERY delicious and yummy things, but I was able to handle all of that.  It seems that the cake is what is my most powerful nemesis.

I have learned a lot this weekend about myself.  One - CAKE sucks!  (well, not really - but not being able to eat it sucks!)  Two - I can survive these events, maybe not always happy - but always smart. And three - I can survive these things becuase I know there are so many of you out there who "get it" and will let me ***** and moan and gloat when I need to!

Thanks all for being there - and thanks for reading!  I NEED each and every one of you!

Wow!  It sounds like you had a very wonderful and trying weekend.  Temptations suck and you should be so proud of yourself for being able to resist.  You know, I think that the fact that you were feeling great about yourself and receiving so many compliments that those factors may have strenghtened your resolve.  How could it not, really?  When we feel good we dont find ourselves turning to food to make us feel good.  I am glad that you were able to resist but I am even more glad that you were/are feeling good about yourself and your life.....thats the real reward.  You have done so much hard work to get where you are and now its time to reap the rewards.  You go girl! 

Swede

Steffi aww  I  am sorry. It will get easier some day. People can put all kinds of desserts in front of me and It does not bother me at all. It might as well be dirt for all I care, I am so far out at this point it is just NOT something that I eat. When I am faced with situations like that such as Papa Johns Pizza or donuts, I quickly tell those around me DO NOT LET ME EAT THAT. The accountability is enough not to do it for me. I dont want to be embarressed by someone seeing me eat something I just told them Adamantly to not let me eat.

It is ok to like cake it is good. I don't know that i would necessarily call that a food issue. everyone else there liked cake and enjoyed it. Do you think that they have food issues? That is the thing about us, we have to set pretty strict rules for ourselves to survive and to lose and maintain. But you are right it does take alot of strength to get through big celebrations where we are faced with goodies we dont normally have to face. You did yourself proud., We are proud of you. But I do hope you see this as a triumph and not a trial/

I'm so glad you had such a wonderful weekend with the family.  You rocked the challenges and did not give into temptation.  Of course there were loads of compliments because you are a skinny ***** crack *****!! 

I am still deathly afraid of sugar and bread, so while the food would definitely tempt me, I know I won't touch it.  Good for you for planning high protein stuff for when you needed it.  Also kudos to Larry and the kids for knowing it was time to go and sticking by your side!!

I tend to bring something sweet that I can have so as not to feel deprived when the desserts come out.  Damn sweet tooth.   Maybe stick a couple of sugar free cookies in your purse just in case?? just a thought.

By the way, I loved all of your fashion choices!  Way to rock the spaghetti straps girlfriend!! That is a goal of mine, as well as the halter dress you had on in the the one pic.  I will not be able to pull either of those off until I get my boobs done.

thanks for this post. you are an inspiration. now i can think of this next time i and tempted and realize i will get through and that there are rewards (how great you look and feel).

Steffi,

First, let me say how incredibly PROUD I am of you... I honestly don't know that I could have stood up to the repeated temptations like that with the grace and courage you showed.  You should definitely be kvelling (can you kvell for yourself???).  You looked beautiful in the pictures, and you can see the glowing in your face that is the "happy steffi" smiling out.

I've been struggling a lot lately with resentment over the lack of food choices - the "thoughtlessness" in public gatherings.  And what doesn't make sense to me in this day and age is WHY???  Look at how many people out there have diabetes... and how many WLS patients there are... and how many people on "diets"... so why are there never any healthy and sugar-free options for desserts at restaurants and weddings and bar mitzvahs?  It just doesn't make any good sense from a business perspective.  I've honestly thought about approaching some of the local "better" restaurants and pointing this out to them.  How difficult would it be to provide at least one good sugar-free dessert on the menu so that "we" don't have to continually feel excluded and "different"?  (rant off now) 

Anyway, I am so glad that you made it through unscathed and now have this wonderful experience to look back on to reinforce your attitude ... you CAN do it.... you HAVE done it... and you can call on that memory when you have a tough day or a down day to lighten your spirits!

Karen

Kudos Kudos Kudos to you for such a great amount of strength you showed yourself this past weekend.  You are one of the many reasons I love this board.  You are inspiring and willing to let it out there your strengths and your weaknesses.  Congrats!!

Yes its true Steffi, food issue never go away.  Sometimes the best way to handle it is to walk away.  I find myself doing that alot.  Even with the right foods in front of me, when I find myself eating for more than 20 minutes straight or start picking at things when I should not, I have to realize it is happening and leave.  You are doing a great job, remember to always listen to that little voice that tells you when you can't handle the pressure of the temptation.

Steffi,
Way to go!  You are an inspiration!  Keep up the successes you beautifiul skinny lady!
Sara

Sometimes to me, I feel like food is the devil  and I accept the devil as god.. I know thats crazy to think  food can call me on almost  cult -like  at times..  Food--   we  need it  to live and we  can die  eating it as well..  Wonderful job  fighting the  food devil!!!  Im  still working towards  things here. Im two years  out lost  160ish and need to drop the last  38 lbs  and fighting  like heck to do it. I give  up a couple times  and  forget about it  then go back to my  chosen lifestyle  ,,,  torchure!! 
Christine