OT-I need some advise..

Hi Shilpa - I'm sorry that your friend wants to be more than friends, but when you share your innermost thoughts with someone the relationship becomes very intimate, whether its intended that way or not - and maybe he thought you were sending signals to him, or he was hoping? Either way I would definitely back off from this 'friendship' for a while until he is clear that that is all you want and nothing more - a lot of good marriages have been ruined due to friendship becoming more than that.

Years ago my husband was carpooling with a married woman and he started coming home telling me all her woes and troubles in her marriage, etc - I told him get out of the carpool or find another job because that is exactly the kind of emotional connection that leads to more than just being a good listener to being a comforting friend, to more.

Its sad that your friend wanted to take things to the next level, but you are very secure in your marriage and relationship with your husband, and need to tell your friend that.

Hang tough - you've been through worse - its just always sad to lose someone you thought was a good friend.

Shilpa,

This is a tough one! When I was in HS and college I had many guyfriends and of course NONE of them were interested in me because of my weight! Now that I have lost weight I have noticed a distinct difference in how men view me. I am friendly with a guy who has known me for years. The last time I saw him he was smiling at me and he said that I looked really good,not that I looked bad before, but that now he can really see me! We joke with each other but he knows I am happily married and knows my hubby too! Men/Women friendships are so tricky. Men tend to misread what we say or do. I agree with what others said, STAY AWAY!!! Better for all involved.

Call me if you need to...

Love ya, Beth

BTW- You are beautiful inside and out! No wonder he came on to you....he is just being a dumb guy!!

Thanks everyone! I feel better already. When I got home I was so stunned that hubby knew right away that something was wrong. I told him that people tend to surprise me and just when I thought I had figured out everything I feel like I don't know anything about life. Ugh it's just sad that's all. I intend to tell me friend that I have no intention of crossing the line and am hurt he wants to be more than friends. I am going to clear the air and tell him that we cannot meet up again alone and have lost respect for him that he would think just because he was willing to cheat on his wife that I would do the same with my husband. I love my husband and as god is my witness I never intentionally or unintentionally thought that I was sending him mixed signals. The thing is he never would have hit on me pre-WLS now he talks about how good I look all the time.

I am going to sound mean but honest if it were me I would have said to him back off dude I don't roll that way.  I re-connected with an old boyfriend for breakfast hubby knew beforehand and old boyfriend made a pass and I simply looked at him and said stop.  He knew I meant it. And that was that.  No BS if I were you I would have looked him right in the face and told him I was dissapointed in him and quietly walked away.  I would have simply told him to lose my number.  Don't take this the wrong way but I personally do not get involved with anyone I work with or bring any of my personal stuff to work I may tell a funny story or two about my hubby or child or my animals but thats it.  They are co-workers to me I will be polite and professional to them but no crossing the line and I am not saying you did that you were the innocent person so we live and we learn you handled that well. P S have you looked in the mirror lately?  Looks good.  Love ya.

Thanks Linda. I did not even tell him that much personal stuff. You ever meet someone who is so much like you? This is the connection I had with him and the reason I did not tell him to back off is because I had one drink and could not trust myself to drive I sat there nursing 5 waters afterwards. Talk about lightweight! This is the first time I have had a drink after WLS but seriously thanks for the advise I intend to heed it....

Yep I would just simply not return his phone calls and if continues to call just don't respond.  You handled it fine.

Tell this guy it's over.. in every sense of the word. Be very clear about it and don't worry about hurting his feelings.  Then stand your ground and don't take his phone calls or messages or respond in any way.   Eventually he will give up.   

Can men and women be friends without sex?  Sure they can.  Is it always easy?  No.  I have ALWAYS had more male friends than female friends.  Always have, always will.

Now...this guy however seemed to cross a line that you were possibly unaware was even drawn in the sand...and my guess is that he had been trying to cross that line for awhile, but was trying to do it "subtly"  Do I think it's in your best interest to stay friends with him?  No.  I think he was WAY to forward in the whole thing, and that he will continue to try to do this.

Best of luck honey!

~P

Well, honey, just chalk this one up to experience and let it go.  I think you should have told him "yes, I was offended".  I have a friend or two who are men, but as another poster stated, men think with their little heads MOST of the time. 

You don't need to tell your husband unless the old goat continues to pester you.  If he continues to contact you, then let him know that you don't want to hear from him at all and that you intend to tell your husband that a person is bothering you and giving you unwelcome attention.  I'm sure he will go away when he hears that. You are under no obligation to be polite to someone who is pestering you.

I saw here on another forum where some husband promised to kick some dude's tail up between his shoulder blades if he didn't leave his wife alone--I think it got the dude's attention because he deactivated!  They do learn quickly!

Good luck!

When your HOT your HOT and men can't see past that sometimes.  I am so sorry that you had to be confronted but you are going to be looked at differently now that your body is in shape.