OT-I need some advise..

I have a friend from previous job that I was super close to. I jokingly used to call him my work husband. The reason I say this is he is 63 years old and he is barely 5' 6". There is nothing I have not told him. He is happily married for 20 plus years and knows that I am married for 15 plus years. I used to bend his ear as we both worked the later shift. I was laid off my last job in December 2008 and we have kept in touch via phone all this time. I saw him 3 weeks ago and maybe because I have not seen him recently told him how much I missed him. I truly missed his friendship. So last week he says he wants to get togather he emails me that he rather see me alone. I never thought anything of it and we met up at a local bar and grill. Anyway to make a long story short he hit on me. He told me he wants to be more than friends. WTF? Really? I always thought our friendship was gender neutral and he has now gone and basically told me he wants to get me in bed I do not want to see him or talk to him. Why the heck would he do this? I feel so guilty if I told my husband that this guy came on to me he would beat him to an inch of his life. Hubby has met him and knows how much his friendship means to me. My hubby had become a little more possessive after I lost so much weight but he would be more upset because since last night he has left me 4 messages and emailed me 2 times today. I finally called him back and asked him why he keeps calling me and he said I did not offend you did I? I told him no he did not offend me but he disappointed me by thinking that I would cheat on my husband just because he wants to cheat on his wife. So my question is this can men and women not be friends without bringing sex into it? WTF? I am so pissed he ruined our friendship and I don't ever want to see him. Sorry this is so long but I am so upset. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

You just learned a valuable lesson about 90% of the male population. Men are hunters and not just for food. When they smell any type of weakness or opportunity they may take advantage.
I watched as women entered the workplace in a big way and how the dynamics of male / female changed. You can go to all the counselors and new age psychologists you want but human nature is evolving slower then the way our society has.

Women need to set the boundaries and tone and not send mixed signals and lots of men need to learn how to respect relationships.
Not really advise, it just is what it is.

 Make that 98 per cent.

When you ***** complain or seek advise about a boyfriend or hubby from another guy unless you are really concrete in the relationship with that friend or he is gay it will sometimes appear you are "looking" or shopping.
Lot's will disagree with that but I,ve seen a hell of a lot of divorces because of just that scenario even if the 2 friend didn't end up together. Add to that and if a guy actually has feelings for you what would be the incentive for him to give you good advise.

Hey it is what it is.

 Also agree with this.  Whenever a guy at work started to complain about his wife...I would say "I don't want to hear it."

DO YOU HAVE A MIRROR!!!


while i haven't formally met you i have seen you and heard you speak at the barix clinic support group meetings. you seem very caring and generous. you collect for charities,lend you wisdom at the meetings, and have a lot of friends there. so your personality shines.

now you outsides match your insides, what guy wouldn't hit on you. just ask you husband what to say to turn a guy away.

Shilpa--
Oh sweetie I am so sorry this happened to you.  But you are right you probablly should not talk to him anymore and let him know why. You are absolutely stunning and I am sure many men think of you in a more romantic sense but your friend crossed the line.  As long as you were upfront and he was aware he was only a friend then it is his fault for going over the line with you.  I think men and women can be friends but I also believe that at some point all men probablly think about sleeping with their women friends...the difference is your friend did not keep that to himself.  I think it was incredibly wrong of him to do that especially since you are married and so is he.  He was wrong for doing that.

I find the longer I am on this journey the harder it is at times to navigate the men/women relationships...I am always stunned when men express an interest in me and it throws one for a loop when it comes from a man you thought was just a good friend.  I don't know what advice to give other than to tell him he was wrong and that you did not appreciate his crossing the line and ruining a friendship like that.  Then just cease communication with him. If he continues to contact you --you may want to tell your husband.  Hope that helps a little bit!

(((BIG HUGS))))

Much luv!
Laura

Shilpa,
I saw this post last night, but wanted to think about what response I should give.  I think Laureanne is head-on right in her guidance.  Setting boundaries in any relationship is not fun, and this friend crossed a line in a huge way.  Be honest with him and tell him that he is wrong in hitting on you, and that you sought his friendship, not sex, from him.  Tell him you lost some respect for him because he was willing to cheat on his wife, and would have you cheat on your husband. 

We are here for you in this journey...and love you.
Trish

Shilpa,

I have absolutely NO tolerance for men or women who cheat having been the victim of a workplace "friendship" .

I don't believe men and women can be friends without eventually one or the other getting the idea there could be more.  When I dated Joe I made it clear that was my belief.  He agreed to live by it.  He worked in a call center when we first married and was predominently women.  We talked about the environment and my expectations that he keep to business when working.  There were a couple women  (2 in particular) that would try to make it more with Joe.  He's a friendly guy by nature and he would tell me about things and I would tell him what I thought may happen.  He eventually got to see what I meant and the experience made him realize what could happen.  I also live by the mantra that "loose lips sink ships"  ---- meaning don't air your problems to others---specifically other sex.  I don't mean you can't talk to anyone.  You need to, but make it a same-sex friend, counselor, support board, or family (if appropriate).  I guess for Joe, I should change the mantra to Lipsticked lips sink ships . . .  lol

I'm sure there are exceptions to the opposite sex friendships, but I'm not willing to take a chance and don't want my husband to either. 

My two cents . . .  

wow, feel for you.............but as everyone said, he crossed  the line and you are in control of that line....and your future.......and your future is your husband?  So saying that  from my past  trials and mistakes which I have a full load......you need to tell him if is over, because of your marriage you can't even talk anymore....doesn'tr mean you hate him, but for the sake of your marriage and future you need to just end it.....it is a shame, but thats life....you pick your battles and this one is not one you need ..................................right?  hope I don't sound like I'm preaching, but I have done some really bad choices in my life, and only by the grace of God, my husband  and I are still together........and we are happier now than the day we married l9 years ago....x0x0x00x0x