Fatties

When I was talking to my mother, she referred to overweight people as "Fatties."  I wanted to scream at her.  I told her it hurt me to hear that, because I am one of them, and so is my sister.  She raised me not to call my sister names, because as kids, I was skinny and Eileen was heavy.  Is it legal to disown your mother?

I agree the word fat is ugly. Hugs Trish as somebody already stated you can pick your friends but can't pick your family. BUT we love you! LOL

She shocked me, and that is hard to do.  I mentioned that I was a fatty, and she said I was not, and that I was never really that heavy..."Mom, I once weighed over 300 pounds..."  "Oh really."  

Lord, give me patience...she was always weird, my whole life, but now that she is older, she has gotten weirder.  If I ever act like her, take me out back and shoot me.

Trish

remember that family fast I was speaking of???

I have to say, I agree with Nicole.  You really need a break from these toxic influences in your life!

I've been told "just consider the source" and disregard the comment.  Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt.  Setting boundaries is one approach - might or might not work with her (it doesn't seem to "stick" with my mom, but provides a temporary reprieve)... 

The issue ISN'T whether you (or your sister) are/were a "fatty"... the issue is that she is prejudicially lumping people into a group, labeling them, and categorizing them.  It makes it easier to see them not as individuals but as a collective and therefore to denigrate them.  Same thing when people call black people, or gays, or immigrants, or whoever by a derogatory name.  The grouping and naming sets them apart from "us" and makes it less personal when someone insults them or puts them down.  I tend to call people on it and let them know that I don't have to personally belong to the group to be outraged over it.  If she said the same thing in the same way about African Americans or Jews, would it be ok?  If not, then it's not ok.  Period.  Doesn't matter whether you're in the group or out of the group.

Chances are good that you'll never change her prejudices.  BUT... you can let her know that expressing them openly in your presence is off limits.  "If you continue to do that, I'll need to leave/hang up."

Good luck and hugs.  Been right there with you!

Karen

Trish, this woman is a total crazymaker!

But yes, I get it. My own mom comes up with some doozies. Not name calling, but little "suggestions." I sent her a photo of myself down about 80 lbs. and her only comment was that I needed a good haircut.

I went to visit her on Mother's Day weekend and she told me my skin looked bad and recommended a good moisturizer.

I have spent my entire life trying to figure out how to be "thin enough" because being smart, talented, hard working, educated, running a family, etc., etc., etc. didn't matter unless I was thin. Even when I was in high school (and therefore taking PE and therefore looking relatively decent for a while), the ONLY focus in our family was on dieting and losing weight.

Know what? We should be grateful we turned out as well as we did!

I know what you mean...I realize I could be just like her, judgmental, critical, and bitter.

When my mother would make rude comments and I called her on it she would excuse them by saying 'well I'm 70 now so I can say what I want' - um, no, you can't - turning 70 (or whatever elder age she wanted to pick) does not give you the right to made rude or snide remarks about people.

For myself I know my mother never saw me as heavy as I was - as I was losing she couldn't grasp how much I was losing in pounds until the day I finally told her how much I weighed when I started - she was honestly shocked because she never imagined I weighed that much.

Still, doesn't excuse your mom's rude comments and I'm glad you told her that - the 'fast' that Nicole mentioned sounds like a good thing if you can do it - I coudn't since mine lived with me.

I know the angst you are feeling...My mother used to give me the business about my weight all the time.  I guess I rebelled against her and kept gaining weight.  Since I have had my surgery I have a new outlook on life.  I decided I am not going to take any of the jokes, comments and basic rudeness of people anymore.  A few weeks ago my neighbor said I was a fatass when he thought I couldn't hear him.  I wanted to pound him into the ground but I didn't because he is my Uncle's best friend.  But I will not hesitate next time as I have already told everybody involved that I will not turn the other cheek next time.  I am not a violent person at all but I guess I have a lot of pent up anger from all the years people made fun of me