Embracing my muffin top!

Here I am at camp - no make-up, NOT fancy clothes, hair goes up and is what it is, with any luck there is a shower daily....basically - vanity is NOT a priority here.  Yet - every morning when I throw on my cut-off shorts and a tank-top - I immediately also put on my body shaper to cover the muffin top that just wreaks havoc with my self-esteem.  The first week, when my husband was not up here - I thought I would try to go a day without the body shaper - took one look in the mirror, was horrified and put it on. 

Since that day, I have suffered through putting it on.  It just makes me feel better about the loose skin around my belly and my upper thighs.  I should point out that for about two years prior to the surgery I was also wearing them daily.  It was not new just becuase of the surgery and the skin issue.  I wanted to look my best and at 300 pounds, it was just a little something I could do to make myself feel better.  needless to say - it is wonderfully warm here at camp and most of the days are spent outside.  Yesterday was a particularly humid day and It was sweaty - no big deal, again, hair was already up, there was no make-up going on and the shower was in my future - oh, and I am sure I smelled lovely due to the myriad of sunscreen on me due to my own and the different children's that I had put on them.  I went to the ladides room and though to myself - there is NO WAY i am getting this garment back up as I am sweating like a...well....very sweaty woman....(I am sure I used not nice words when thinking it to myself!)  So - I took it off, pulled up my shorts, pullled my shirt down and thought, well, I am sure it is worse for me than for anyone else and went outside.  I, of course, made some mean jokes about myself - it is what I have always done - if I make jokes about myself - then others wont make any jokes about me!  Great defense mechanism!  JK!

I had some stupid things happen yesterday afternoon that I was not real proud of and spent the majority of the day beating myself up for said stupidity and getting called on it.  so - needless to say I was already having self-esteem issues.  This morning, I woke up and was still feeling bad about myself.  I had no interest in putting the undergarment on - so I didn't - I asked Larry if it was as bad as I see it - and of course, in his amazingly supportive way, said - of course it is not - you look beautiful and only you would notice it anyway.  So - feeling bad, I heard him and moved forward with my day.  I came back to the health center later this morning, and one of the nurses - one who has known me for several years and is VERY proud of me, (and naturally thin)  - unsolicited said, "Oh My God!  You look skinnier and skinnier every day."  I took one look at Larry who just grinned at me and my response was, "thank you"  I didn't even mention a thing about my muffin top - I just took the compliment and internalized it!

I sat back and thought about it - I know that what we feel about our bodies are a far cry from what others think, however, when your spouse, or a loved one, or even one of us who knows we need the ego boost - says it - to me it sometimes gets internalized negatively - like, "well, they want me to feel good so they are saying something to help."  but when it is genuinely unsolicited, the meaning is much deeper.  So - at the least for the rest of my time here at camp I am going to embrace my muffin top and then try to do so at home.  If I am not getting dressed for an occasion - I am just going to put on my clothes and try to enjoy the work that I HAVE done.

You just be yourself and enjoy that hard work!!!!! 
Hugs,

Jayne

Thanks Jayne - I am working on it! :)

Muffin tops are my favorite part of the muffin!  Thats where all the good stuff is!  Im sure no one sees you like you see you!  Its hard to see anything past that oversized personality of yours anyway. 

Swede

Not that I want anything to be OVERSIZED anymore - I appreciate that you think my personality is!  I commonly call it obnoxious - but I think Oversized is WAY better!  Love you! :)

(((Steffi)))

I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it must be to wear a body shaper in this heat.  But obviously for you, it was more uncomfortable to think you were being judged!  That is quite a lot of uncomfortable!

I know I only met  you last week for the first time, but let me say that your upbeat, funny and smiling personality outshines any bumps and bulges your body may have.  You are not your body!!

Take a look at those before pics you showed me and realize how far you have come.  I can only hope to look like you in 15 months.  But I would rather be the "ray of sunshine" that you are everywhere you go!

Deb

Thank you for helping me put this CRAP in perspective!  I do often look at the before pics - mostly because I am an attention ***** after all and like to look at myself....  However, Thank you for reminding me that my usual personality is more than my body.  And you have NO IDEA how funny it is that you said, "Ray of Sunshine"  Friends of mine and I have a competition of who is MORE the Ray of Sunshine.....

Nobody is harder on ourselves than we are, but I'm glad you shed the undergarment and are going 'au natural' - it has to feel 100% better in this heat and humidity and hey, seems like you are the only one who knows you're not wearing it! So go, be comfortable, relax and enjoy the time at camp.

In my head I know I should wear one that holds in the loose skin on my upper thighs, but then I think 'damn, I didn't lose 170+ pounds just to put on a girdle!' (or bodyshaper - call it what you will - its still a stinking girdle). I'm not proud of my flabby thighs, but if people don't like the way they look then they need to stop looking!

So embrace your muffin top - I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as you think it is.

ssshhhhh.....  I too call it a girdle - but I thought those young ladies and men out there would have NO idea what I was talking about!

Thanks - I am trying to be comfortable.  It actually feels very weird to be without one holding me together as I wore them for the last three years or so.