Getting a little down about the old timers
I want folks to be honest, and I'm glad everyone posts their discouragements and struggles - but I'm wondering as a fairly newbie (a little over 2 months out) how we can prepare for and fight against what the old timers are struggling with? I am euphoric right now over my weight loss and how great I feel - but most of the time posts or comments like that are met with such discouragement from old timers like "yeah - well you're in the honeymoon period - enjoy it while you can" or "well - you love it now because you don't have cravings and you can't eat anything yet". It's kind of like on your wedding day when bitter failures at marriage tell you you're making the biggest mistake of your life because they know so much better than you.
To the old timers - first off don't assume us newbies are going to make the same mistakes, or have the exact same experience that you have, and PLEASE try not to rain on our parade because you're struggling or have had some setbacks. Be honest about yourselves. You don't really know exactly what we're going through, because you're not us - just like we're not you! We want to benefit from your experience and your wisdom, but intimating we're going to fall off the wagon and regain half of our weight back is depressing, not helpful. Share what YOU have done wrong and share what HELPED you - share your struggles and your problems but without the doomsday prediction that we're all in the same boat and destined to follow the exact same path. (Kind of like telling a kid they're a failure and they are stupid and then wonder why they get bad grades) I as a newbie want honest and practical advice so as to know what pitfalls I can look out for and be warned at indulging in specific bad habits that YOU did that caused your difficulties. Thanks!
To the old timers - first off don't assume us newbies are going to make the same mistakes, or have the exact same experience that you have, and PLEASE try not to rain on our parade because you're struggling or have had some setbacks. Be honest about yourselves. You don't really know exactly what we're going through, because you're not us - just like we're not you! We want to benefit from your experience and your wisdom, but intimating we're going to fall off the wagon and regain half of our weight back is depressing, not helpful. Share what YOU have done wrong and share what HELPED you - share your struggles and your problems but without the doomsday prediction that we're all in the same boat and destined to follow the exact same path. (Kind of like telling a kid they're a failure and they are stupid and then wonder why they get bad grades) I as a newbie want honest and practical advice so as to know what pitfalls I can look out for and be warned at indulging in specific bad habits that YOU did that caused your difficulties. Thanks!
Cindy
"Sure you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But if catching flies is a priority, nothing beats a dead possum." American Cowboy Magazine
"Sure you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But if catching flies is a priority, nothing beats a dead possum." American Cowboy Magazine
Trust me, everyone is different in this journey - we don't all struggle with the same things or issues. And even at 2 1/2 years out I am still thrilled with my surgery, my results, my overall health and well-being and I would never, ever want to rain on a newbies parade.
That being said, this is a 'support' page and we share almost everything out here - our successes, our struggles, sometimes our failures - in both our weight loss and personal lives. That is what support is all about - and even at 2 + years out most of us still experience WOW moments that we like to share, and the not-so-wow moments that we need help with.
You are absolutely correct - we are all different - and we would never presume to tell you that you'll struggle or gain weight back or not reach goal - it's not what we do and I would hope no one has done that to you.
What we do is encourage each other - share information - kick each other's butts when needed - and generally are just out here to help each other on our journeys. Some people on here have met and far surpassed their goal weights - some like me are still working on reaching that point - and we never, ever give up hope or give up on our tools - we work them - we tweak them - and we ask for and give advice.
I'm sure everyone would agree that we wish you all the best in your journey and would love to be there to congratulate you on your WOW moments as you move along - but IF the day ever comes when you stall, or are having difficulty - or experience dumping or foamies or other problems, we will all be here to help you with that as well. Nobody ever wants to discourage you or make you feel that you won't achieve your goals - why would we do that?? We're all in this for the same reason! LOL!!
Kathy
That being said, this is a 'support' page and we share almost everything out here - our successes, our struggles, sometimes our failures - in both our weight loss and personal lives. That is what support is all about - and even at 2 + years out most of us still experience WOW moments that we like to share, and the not-so-wow moments that we need help with.
You are absolutely correct - we are all different - and we would never presume to tell you that you'll struggle or gain weight back or not reach goal - it's not what we do and I would hope no one has done that to you.
What we do is encourage each other - share information - kick each other's butts when needed - and generally are just out here to help each other on our journeys. Some people on here have met and far surpassed their goal weights - some like me are still working on reaching that point - and we never, ever give up hope or give up on our tools - we work them - we tweak them - and we ask for and give advice.
I'm sure everyone would agree that we wish you all the best in your journey and would love to be there to congratulate you on your WOW moments as you move along - but IF the day ever comes when you stall, or are having difficulty - or experience dumping or foamies or other problems, we will all be here to help you with that as well. Nobody ever wants to discourage you or make you feel that you won't achieve your goals - why would we do that?? We're all in this for the same reason! LOL!!
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Cindy,
I do hear what you're saying, believe me. At 15 months out, though, my perspective has changed a bit from when I was 2 months out.
You're asking the right question in your post - "How can I prepare for and fight against what the old-timers are struggling with?" Because you DO need to be informed and prepared for the fact that the journey inevitably DOES change as you get farther out. Is that bursting your bubble? Nope - it's stating a fact.
Saying "Enjoy your honeymood period" (relating to surgery, not marriage) is an important piece of advice, not discouragement. During that first year-ish or whatever (each person is different), you have an opportunity to lose the weight with much more ease than you will after your body readjusts its metabolism. The advice is always to make the most of that period, and to recognize that your body will not remain in this state forever. Being aware of that helps you not take it lightly, and helps you work to maximize the results in those early days, which will help you prepare for and fight as you get farther out.
I hope none of us would say to a newbie that we "know better" than you or take that "bitter divorcee" attitude that you describe... we all have very different journeys on this road and this group seems very good at supporting those different paths. BUT... it's important to recognize certain biological imperatives - that you WILL stall at some point, that you WILL experience cravings at some point, that you PROBABLY WILL experience some emotional turmoil as those hormones stored in your fat are released to flood into your body. Those aren't negatives or value judgements or discouragement, and have nothing to do with "falling off the wagon" - they are simply acknowledgements of the natural process your body is going through.
You should absolutely revel in how great you feel and how well you are doing. I certainly revel in it and am astonished by it every day! Savor every second of it... but also expect that your experience will change over time and that's a GOOD thing!
Keep doing what you're doing and keep that positive attitude!
Karen
I do hear what you're saying, believe me. At 15 months out, though, my perspective has changed a bit from when I was 2 months out.
You're asking the right question in your post - "How can I prepare for and fight against what the old-timers are struggling with?" Because you DO need to be informed and prepared for the fact that the journey inevitably DOES change as you get farther out. Is that bursting your bubble? Nope - it's stating a fact.
Saying "Enjoy your honeymood period" (relating to surgery, not marriage) is an important piece of advice, not discouragement. During that first year-ish or whatever (each person is different), you have an opportunity to lose the weight with much more ease than you will after your body readjusts its metabolism. The advice is always to make the most of that period, and to recognize that your body will not remain in this state forever. Being aware of that helps you not take it lightly, and helps you work to maximize the results in those early days, which will help you prepare for and fight as you get farther out.
I hope none of us would say to a newbie that we "know better" than you or take that "bitter divorcee" attitude that you describe... we all have very different journeys on this road and this group seems very good at supporting those different paths. BUT... it's important to recognize certain biological imperatives - that you WILL stall at some point, that you WILL experience cravings at some point, that you PROBABLY WILL experience some emotional turmoil as those hormones stored in your fat are released to flood into your body. Those aren't negatives or value judgements or discouragement, and have nothing to do with "falling off the wagon" - they are simply acknowledgements of the natural process your body is going through.
You should absolutely revel in how great you feel and how well you are doing. I certainly revel in it and am astonished by it every day! Savor every second of it... but also expect that your experience will change over time and that's a GOOD thing!
Keep doing what you're doing and keep that positive attitude!
Karen
I dont want to rain on anyone' s parade and you are right there are things we can share with you to warn you of what to look out for. my blog on my profile is where I post most of my struggles and triumphs feel free to read it if you want a realistic view of life 3 years out.
Here is my advice to you so far as pitfalls to avoid.
Document your journey blogs pics and everything you will be happy you did.
follow the rules they are there for a reason
avoid white carbs they fuel cravings and addictions
rebound weight gain is part of the journey...it is not a failure
learn why you ate in the first place those reasons do not go away
excercise and use your honeymoon period to the best of your ability
stay away from alcohol as long as you can
do not test the limits ( i still do not eat sugar and even with that I struggle to keep the weight stable)
Make promises to yourself now that you will keep
Books I Can suggest
Women Food and God
Beck Diet Solution
50 ways to soothe yourself without food
I wish you success in your journey
Here is my advice to you so far as pitfalls to avoid.
Document your journey blogs pics and everything you will be happy you did.
follow the rules they are there for a reason
avoid white carbs they fuel cravings and addictions
rebound weight gain is part of the journey...it is not a failure
learn why you ate in the first place those reasons do not go away
excercise and use your honeymoon period to the best of your ability
stay away from alcohol as long as you can
do not test the limits ( i still do not eat sugar and even with that I struggle to keep the weight stable)
Make promises to yourself now that you will keep
Books I Can suggest
Women Food and God
Beck Diet Solution
50 ways to soothe yourself without food
I wish you success in your journey
Thanks for all the great replies! Nicole - I've been wondering about the book Women Food and God - what specifically was helpful in it to you, and why specifically do you recommend it? And thanks for the blog address - I will definitely check it out.
As for the last book (I'll check that out too!) but, there's only 50? LOL! What a drag!
As for the last book (I'll check that out too!) but, there's only 50? LOL! What a drag!
Cindy
"Sure you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But if catching flies is a priority, nothing beats a dead possum." American Cowboy Magazine
"Sure you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But if catching flies is a priority, nothing beats a dead possum." American Cowboy Magazine
Yes I guess the Book decided that 50 was more than most of us had. It is good anyway gives you ideas. some of us are better than others are self soothing.
As a Psychotherapist I recommend the Women Food and God, book because I think that Geneen Roth has a unique way of saying the things we always thought about the connection between our early experiences in our childhood and how they continue to play out in our adulthood in the choices we make, and the feelings we have about ourself worth. Read it slow, underline and journal on it.
As a Psychotherapist I recommend the Women Food and God, book because I think that Geneen Roth has a unique way of saying the things we always thought about the connection between our early experiences in our childhood and how they continue to play out in our adulthood in the choices we make, and the feelings we have about ourself worth. Read it slow, underline and journal on it.
I have found that I need to recognize a problem to correct it. For example I found that if I go to a function or place that has buffet style food or platters sitting out with food to pick at, that I have no self control. So once I have recognized this pattern, I know longer attend these type functions or I make a showing for enough time to have eaten one meal and then excuse myself and take myself out of the grazing situation. If I go to a restaurant, I don't have that problem, once my meal is gone, I don't continue to order. But if its a buffet, I don't have control over the situation to keep myself from continuing to go up for more food, or the wrong food. When home, I have to keep focus by telling myself everyday, Hey, you want to continue to wear the clothes that your wearing than don't bring anything into the house that you know is the wrong thing or a trigger food. I don't ever want to have to go out and buy anything in a larger size than I am wearing right now. The only way to accomplish this is to stick to my guns and pay attention.
Just my two cents, I am just over 4 years out.
Some days your the dog and some days your the hydrant.
I am sorry that someone rained on your parade.
The truth is it does get harder as you get further out. You have to pay more attention to what you eat and do. It's not a bad thing, just how things go. I am 3 1/2 years out and maintaining my weight. I havn't gotten to goal yet but have mananged to have a healthy pregnancy and get back below my pre-pregnancy weight within 6 weeks of delivering (actually it was within about 2 weeks).
I agree 100% with what everyone else has posted. This is a very individual journey but you would be amazed at how many similarities there are in them all. 99% of us have a food addiction - we love food. This hasn't changed. They operated on our stomachs not our brains and well your brain starts to take over the further out you get. I hope that you don't make any of the mistakes that others (including myself) have made but honestly chances are everyone will make at least one. We all have our vices - it's human nature. Learn from our mistakes, take that knowledge and empower yourself! there are a lot more people who are further out around here now then when I first joined. ASk questions - read our struggles and grow from it! There is a "honeymoon period" where the weight loss is SO much easier. At this stage you never imagine it being hard again - but it does get harder. It's not being brutal it's just being honest.
Good luck with your weight loss and I can't wait to hear about all of your successes!
The truth is it does get harder as you get further out. You have to pay more attention to what you eat and do. It's not a bad thing, just how things go. I am 3 1/2 years out and maintaining my weight. I havn't gotten to goal yet but have mananged to have a healthy pregnancy and get back below my pre-pregnancy weight within 6 weeks of delivering (actually it was within about 2 weeks).
I agree 100% with what everyone else has posted. This is a very individual journey but you would be amazed at how many similarities there are in them all. 99% of us have a food addiction - we love food. This hasn't changed. They operated on our stomachs not our brains and well your brain starts to take over the further out you get. I hope that you don't make any of the mistakes that others (including myself) have made but honestly chances are everyone will make at least one. We all have our vices - it's human nature. Learn from our mistakes, take that knowledge and empower yourself! there are a lot more people who are further out around here now then when I first joined. ASk questions - read our struggles and grow from it! There is a "honeymoon period" where the weight loss is SO much easier. At this stage you never imagine it being hard again - but it does get harder. It's not being brutal it's just being honest.
Good luck with your weight loss and I can't wait to hear about all of your successes!
we do know exactly what you are going thru cause we did it. I think what some old timers r trying to tell u is that it will not always be as easy as it is the first year. I m 3 years out and I m lucky I have no issues. the weight loss is very slow but that is okay I m happy ehre i m , I have had a lot of plastics so I really cant loose or gain weight I have to try & stay stable. yes I do get more hungry then I did 2 years ago but I deal with it by eating something healthy. I still have not tried sugar becaus I know that if I dont dump from it I will re gain all my weight, nor do I drink alcohol from what I have noticed with older out post -ops is that they drink alcohol and that is their choice but it is all empty calories. most people that have had a regain eat sugar and they say they know how much they can eat before they dump. I assume that I will dump from sugar cause the Dr tells me I will.
I am a pre-op support group leader & I tell my pre-ops just follow the rules and do not try sugar, I know how to make any dessert SF, and I am creative in my cooking, if I go to a Wedding or social gathering I bring my own dessert so I dont feel like I m missing something, as far as food I eat practially anything as long as there is no sugar. I always ask when I go somewhere if there is sugar in it. I ddnt have my inside cut & re routed to try & see if I can do my bad habits.again.
I thought I would be the only person that would fail at this and I didnt after 3 years I m still successing. I never post my WOW moments and I have a lot of them cause they r for me. i dont think others really care and I m not doing it for them. I am very proud of myself and I m doing this for me not for anyone else to see approve of or brag about. I dont need to proove it to anyone. This is a lifstyle that I m getting used to . it amazes me still that I cant even finish 1 slice of pizza when I used to eat 4 sclices before surgery, if I eat a cheesteak sandwich I only cut a 2 inch slice off for me & I cant finish that.it is amazing
I still do have the fear of falling off the wagon & that is because I failed every other program but after 3 years i m still with it
another part of successing is SUPPORT it only take 2 people to be a support group We r not all the same.
so just stick with the program & follow the rules & u will be fine, dont let" Debbie Downer" in your life
Good Luck Susan
I am a pre-op support group leader & I tell my pre-ops just follow the rules and do not try sugar, I know how to make any dessert SF, and I am creative in my cooking, if I go to a Wedding or social gathering I bring my own dessert so I dont feel like I m missing something, as far as food I eat practially anything as long as there is no sugar. I always ask when I go somewhere if there is sugar in it. I ddnt have my inside cut & re routed to try & see if I can do my bad habits.again.
I thought I would be the only person that would fail at this and I didnt after 3 years I m still successing. I never post my WOW moments and I have a lot of them cause they r for me. i dont think others really care and I m not doing it for them. I am very proud of myself and I m doing this for me not for anyone else to see approve of or brag about. I dont need to proove it to anyone. This is a lifstyle that I m getting used to . it amazes me still that I cant even finish 1 slice of pizza when I used to eat 4 sclices before surgery, if I eat a cheesteak sandwich I only cut a 2 inch slice off for me & I cant finish that.it is amazing
I still do have the fear of falling off the wagon & that is because I failed every other program but after 3 years i m still with it
another part of successing is SUPPORT it only take 2 people to be a support group We r not all the same.
so just stick with the program & follow the rules & u will be fine, dont let" Debbie Downer" in your life
Good Luck Susan
I guess it may also be perception. I'm not even a year and I have always taken the 'enjoy your honeymoon' phase as... LEARN it now while its easy. Form those good habits now while you are not hungry, while you don't have to worry about what issues may or may not come up. I exercise for this very reason. I'm building healthy habits now while I'm still not hungry and have the energy in abundance. I personally have never viewed those words as a way to discourage me only someone being helpful and telling me in the way they know how to learn from others experiences.
My personal experience is all positive but that is just me. Maybe give that person who said those things the benefit of the doubt.
Hugs
My personal experience is all positive but that is just me. Maybe give that person who said those things the benefit of the doubt.
Hugs
Sandra 
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