OT - Parenting my Bi-Polar child!
Help....as expected, Molly is already having a hard time here at camp. The campers only got here yesterday and already today she has come crying to me. UGH! It breaks my heart. I stopped off in my room this afternoon and here she was laying in my bed. She told me that she got hurt at gymnastics and was having chest pains so she came to the infirmary, BTW - I am in a room in the air conditioned infirmary. I specifically asked her if there were any problems in the bunk and if she just needed a break, which would have been fine! She said that everything was fine she just hurt herself and wanted to lay in my bed. Fine.....So I then left her to go back to work as she said that her counselors knew where she was, and the nursing staff confirmed that for me.
I came back to my room, showered, answered a few emails and promptly fell asleep - through dinner I might add, no biggie - it was sweet and sour chicken - I am sure there was added sugar....anyway....I got to the dining hall for the end of the meal and the prayers following the meal along with a VERY spirited song session....always a GREAT time at camp. I was sitting talking with the inclusion coordinator at camp and she asked me why I allowed Molly to come hang out with me in the afternoon. I immediately looked at her - I have known her for two years - and we both work for the same schol district and she knows me well enough, I thought , to know that I would have NEVER allowed her to hang out with me on the first full day of camp. Anyway - I advised her of such, and doesn't Molly come over to sit with me? She asked if she could stay with me tonight. I of course said No. I then asked her what happened. As per Molly, her perception of things is WAY different than the reality, and she said something about the girls in her bunk not being nice to her, same old same old.... however, I am not the person to go talk with her counselors to figure things out. So Betsy, the inclusion coordinator talked with Molly and Betsy took Molly back to her bunk. Needless to say - I am freaking out! I was then in a meeting with my partner and the director came over to me - VERY informally I might add - he has known for years the issues I have with Molly and only wants want I want for her which is a successful camp experience.
In any event, he told me that at dinner, she tried to come find me and he sent her back to her bunk's table. I advised him that she found me during song session. I said to him that maybe I shouldn't be at the meals if that is what works best for Molly. He said that that might be a good idea. So - at this point, I will NOT be going to meals atleast for tomorrow. (And each day at camp feels like a week of real life - so three meals is a VERY BIG deal!) I have worked out with Betsy that we will tell Molly she can have two breaks throughout the day - one scheduled in the morning and one scheduled in the afternoon to see if that helps her. She has never been good at going from one activitiy to the next without a good amount of transition time - which is why I think she did so well in Middle School this year. Time between classes and then a few minutes of getting settled into the new class.
She came into my room again tonight after she took her meds - I am guessing without any counselor knowledge because moments after she got here - her counselor showed up.....I told Molly that I was NOT going to be at the meals tomorrow and that she needs to work with Betsy and that Betsy is the one to talk to. Now , of course, I feel terrible - like I am just ignoring her when she needs me, and she was crying. I have no idea if I am doing the right thing or not. I sometimes wonder why some children are more difficult to parent than others. Oh - and I forgot to mention, as Molly was sitting next to me in the dining hall, sulking, Emily comes bouncing over to me with a HUGE freckled face grin exclaiming, "I am having sooooo much fun!" She reminds me of Josh at that age - and again, It breaks my heart that Molly can't seem to enjoy herself as her brother and sister do - and as I did at her age as well. I know that we are VERY different people as is she so different from her brother and sister, but I want her to be happy and not sturggle so much and I have no ideal how to make that happen!
Thanks for reading all of this - and if anyone has ANY insight, please feel free to let me know - I will be sending an email to her therapist, was kind of hoping to wait til atleast week two! HA!
I came back to my room, showered, answered a few emails and promptly fell asleep - through dinner I might add, no biggie - it was sweet and sour chicken - I am sure there was added sugar....anyway....I got to the dining hall for the end of the meal and the prayers following the meal along with a VERY spirited song session....always a GREAT time at camp. I was sitting talking with the inclusion coordinator at camp and she asked me why I allowed Molly to come hang out with me in the afternoon. I immediately looked at her - I have known her for two years - and we both work for the same schol district and she knows me well enough, I thought , to know that I would have NEVER allowed her to hang out with me on the first full day of camp. Anyway - I advised her of such, and doesn't Molly come over to sit with me? She asked if she could stay with me tonight. I of course said No. I then asked her what happened. As per Molly, her perception of things is WAY different than the reality, and she said something about the girls in her bunk not being nice to her, same old same old.... however, I am not the person to go talk with her counselors to figure things out. So Betsy, the inclusion coordinator talked with Molly and Betsy took Molly back to her bunk. Needless to say - I am freaking out! I was then in a meeting with my partner and the director came over to me - VERY informally I might add - he has known for years the issues I have with Molly and only wants want I want for her which is a successful camp experience.
In any event, he told me that at dinner, she tried to come find me and he sent her back to her bunk's table. I advised him that she found me during song session. I said to him that maybe I shouldn't be at the meals if that is what works best for Molly. He said that that might be a good idea. So - at this point, I will NOT be going to meals atleast for tomorrow. (And each day at camp feels like a week of real life - so three meals is a VERY BIG deal!) I have worked out with Betsy that we will tell Molly she can have two breaks throughout the day - one scheduled in the morning and one scheduled in the afternoon to see if that helps her. She has never been good at going from one activitiy to the next without a good amount of transition time - which is why I think she did so well in Middle School this year. Time between classes and then a few minutes of getting settled into the new class.
She came into my room again tonight after she took her meds - I am guessing without any counselor knowledge because moments after she got here - her counselor showed up.....I told Molly that I was NOT going to be at the meals tomorrow and that she needs to work with Betsy and that Betsy is the one to talk to. Now , of course, I feel terrible - like I am just ignoring her when she needs me, and she was crying. I have no idea if I am doing the right thing or not. I sometimes wonder why some children are more difficult to parent than others. Oh - and I forgot to mention, as Molly was sitting next to me in the dining hall, sulking, Emily comes bouncing over to me with a HUGE freckled face grin exclaiming, "I am having sooooo much fun!" She reminds me of Josh at that age - and again, It breaks my heart that Molly can't seem to enjoy herself as her brother and sister do - and as I did at her age as well. I know that we are VERY different people as is she so different from her brother and sister, but I want her to be happy and not sturggle so much and I have no ideal how to make that happen!
Thanks for reading all of this - and if anyone has ANY insight, please feel free to let me know - I will be sending an email to her therapist, was kind of hoping to wait til atleast week two! HA!
Steffi,
I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you and to Emily. Dealing with these issues with a kid is so much tougher than for an adult.
For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing as long as Emily was a willing participant in the decision to go to camp. If she were having a "real" camp experience as all the other kids are, she would not have a parent present at all and would have to be dealing with all the transition anxiety and homesickness issues that they will be dealing with. The counselors are trained in helping the campers through that and in some cases, it's a LOT easier if the parent is completely unavailable... there's no issue of the perception of "rejection", it's just the way things are. I'm also assuming this is not her first experience of camp... so reminding her of past experience might also help her through it.
I think one of the things she needs to be reminded of is that while she's there "on vacation," but YOU are working, and it's just like when you're at home and going to work every day. There, she can't come sit with you in your classroom whenever she feels like it... you have time that you'll set aside for her, but she needs to follow the rules as well.
Given the passage of days it will get better as she works through the transition anxiety. If she can't deal with it while you're physically present at meals, then you staying away from meals for a day or so is a good idea. But you'll still need to set up those ground rules so that when you do return to meals it doesn't re-start the cycle.
Good luck and hugs to you all.
Karen
I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you and to Emily. Dealing with these issues with a kid is so much tougher than for an adult.
For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing as long as Emily was a willing participant in the decision to go to camp. If she were having a "real" camp experience as all the other kids are, she would not have a parent present at all and would have to be dealing with all the transition anxiety and homesickness issues that they will be dealing with. The counselors are trained in helping the campers through that and in some cases, it's a LOT easier if the parent is completely unavailable... there's no issue of the perception of "rejection", it's just the way things are. I'm also assuming this is not her first experience of camp... so reminding her of past experience might also help her through it.
I think one of the things she needs to be reminded of is that while she's there "on vacation," but YOU are working, and it's just like when you're at home and going to work every day. There, she can't come sit with you in your classroom whenever she feels like it... you have time that you'll set aside for her, but she needs to follow the rules as well.
Given the passage of days it will get better as she works through the transition anxiety. If she can't deal with it while you're physically present at meals, then you staying away from meals for a day or so is a good idea. But you'll still need to set up those ground rules so that when you do return to meals it doesn't re-start the cycle.
Good luck and hugs to you all.
Karen
Hugs to you on this one. I know it is so hard to let my little one get upset but as a mommy I must. You are absolutely doing the right thing. This will help her in the long run although it is breaking your heart. Give her a couple days without you to find happiness in her group. She will!!!!
You can do this.
You can do this.
Sandra 
Steffi,
I am not a parent so I have no words of wisdom. Yet my heart breaks for Molly and I am sure she wants to fit in. What I am going to suggest is email Dennis to talk and have him offer his insight. It is no secret that his daughter is also also bipolar. She is now 26 but has lived with bipolar along time.
[email protected]
I love you and want the best for Molly....
HUGS!!!!
I am not a parent so I have no words of wisdom. Yet my heart breaks for Molly and I am sure she wants to fit in. What I am going to suggest is email Dennis to talk and have him offer his insight. It is no secret that his daughter is also also bipolar. She is now 26 but has lived with bipolar along time.
[email protected]
I love you and want the best for Molly....
HUGS!!!!
Steffi,
I know what you are going through. My daughter, now age 36, had school phobia and is bipolar. She had such a difficult time in school with fitting in and constantly being teased because she cried so much. I'd much rather have her pain than see her struggle on a daily basis like she does.
*Hugs* to you.
Debbie
I know what you are going through. My daughter, now age 36, had school phobia and is bipolar. She had such a difficult time in school with fitting in and constantly being teased because she cried so much. I'd much rather have her pain than see her struggle on a daily basis like she does.
*Hugs* to you.
Debbie
Hugs and prayers to you guys.....I think you ARE doing the right thing (says the one without kids) It is TERRIBLE to have a child upset and know that you can "fix" it (IE by allowing her to be with you whenever she wants), but that doesn't help her navigate through life. Bi polar or not....everyone must learn their own coping skills in whatever situation makes them uncomfortable. And it's a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE feeling...both for her and for you....but learning coping skills and guiding her through (with firm ground rules etc) is what is best for her.
You're a phenomenal parent...and sometimes that means being the "bad person"....which sucks...but you are strong, and this shows your love for ALL your children!!!
You're a phenomenal parent...and sometimes that means being the "bad person"....which sucks...but you are strong, and this shows your love for ALL your children!!!
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I also have a bipolar child. My son was diagnosed at age 11 after several years of heartbreaking problems. It continues to be a struggle. He is 20 now and has been stable for about 5 years. Although now he sometimes doesn't want to take his meds, and you know the problem that can cause. I wish there was some words of wisdom I could give you but it is just hard no matter what you do. Watching the pain in your child is excuriating. I think you are doing the right thing. She needs to accept that there are other people that can help her through tough times. She needs to find and practice her own coping skills. The people who are helping her are trained and are aware of her special needs. And if things get bad you are right there. Hang in there. In the long run this is going to be a great experience for her, and maybe a real learning experience and a turning point for her life. Be strong and know that you have lots of support and friends praying for you and her.
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