Women Food and God Ch 1: About God
As we discuss chapter 1 (About God), I suggest that we avoid any long debates about the nature of God as we know it or believe Him/Her to be. Theological debate can go to the OH main board, where it was pretty dicey a few weeks ago! Roth makes too many good points and gives us rich food for thought in this chapter.
Ch. 1 opens with Roth's story as she "turned to Hostess Sno Balls the same year (she) gave up on God." Sno Balls became her "sigh of ecstasy...transport to Heaven...concrete proof that relief from the pain of everyday life was possible."
Eating became simultaneous relief and punishment and source of shame.
"Dieting was like praying." Dieting was a way of expressing despair. Stopping a diet was akin to breaking a vow.
She never would have credited herself with "the presence of loveliness, the awareness of kindness, and the unmistakable knowledge that I belonged here."
And finally, the chapter ends with the observation that "understanding the relationship with food is a direct path to coming home after a lifetime of being exiled."
So let's talk about this.
Do you remember a favorite food that was your "transport to Heaven"? Were you a sneak eater? When did this begin for you?
Did you ever consciously use food to self-medicate? That is, to ease or avoid the pain of everyday life? As you look back from where you are today, do you recognize that you did this - but maybe you didn't recognize it at the time?
Did you receive messages from your parents that dieting was virtuous? Were any of you put on diets by your mom or dad? When did you go on your first diet?
Were you able to see good qualities in yourself...to see yourself as a lovely person, a kind person, a worthwhile person....even when you were at your heaviest? Or was your opinion of yourself more negative because of your obesity?
How did obesity impact your sense of belonging...in your family, with your circle of peers, in your work, in the world?
Have you ever feel "exiled" within your own life?
What have you learned about your relationship with food?
Ch. 1 opens with Roth's story as she "turned to Hostess Sno Balls the same year (she) gave up on God." Sno Balls became her "sigh of ecstasy...transport to Heaven...concrete proof that relief from the pain of everyday life was possible."
Eating became simultaneous relief and punishment and source of shame.
"Dieting was like praying." Dieting was a way of expressing despair. Stopping a diet was akin to breaking a vow.
She never would have credited herself with "the presence of loveliness, the awareness of kindness, and the unmistakable knowledge that I belonged here."
And finally, the chapter ends with the observation that "understanding the relationship with food is a direct path to coming home after a lifetime of being exiled."
So let's talk about this.
Do you remember a favorite food that was your "transport to Heaven"? Were you a sneak eater? When did this begin for you?
Did you ever consciously use food to self-medicate? That is, to ease or avoid the pain of everyday life? As you look back from where you are today, do you recognize that you did this - but maybe you didn't recognize it at the time?
Did you receive messages from your parents that dieting was virtuous? Were any of you put on diets by your mom or dad? When did you go on your first diet?
Were you able to see good qualities in yourself...to see yourself as a lovely person, a kind person, a worthwhile person....even when you were at your heaviest? Or was your opinion of yourself more negative because of your obesity?
How did obesity impact your sense of belonging...in your family, with your circle of peers, in your work, in the world?
Have you ever feel "exiled" within your own life?
What have you learned about your relationship with food?
OK...I"ll go first. Again, the questions and passages from the chapter are simply jumping off points. Feel free to pick up on or comment on ANY part of the chapter!
My first sneak eating was when I was about 6 years old. I remember being home from school with my dad - he must have been on a night shift. I snuck into the kitchen and took slice after slice of plain bread, smashed them into little balls, and ate them before I went back into the livign room to watch TV. At that point in time, I was about 20 lbs. overweight (a lot for a 6 year old). By age 11, I hoarded chocolate in my bedroom drawers.
My first diet was about age 8. My mom took me to a "diet doctor." He gave me diet pills, which I think were mainly laxatives. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell my dad. The pills didn't work. One week I gained 2 pounds and the nurse told me I was a "bad girl." My mom was a perpetual dieter - hard boiled eggs and grapefruit were her staple foods. Diets were definitely virtuous. And because I was fat, I definitely needed to be "fixed."
Was I self medicating with food? Yeah, probably. It was my way to cope with not having a lot of friends, having an oppressively overprotective mother, with my dad's early death, with later sexual abuse, with living on the "wrong" side of town, and with the crap of life in general.
Still, I did see some good qualities in myself. I was a geeky smart kid in school, and took refuge in doing well in my classes. I also saw myself as optimistic and still view this as a good quality. I didn't ever feel like I "deserved" to be socially part of things, though, and kept to myself a lot all the way through high school. I had few good friends, although I knew a lot of people. Lunchtime was horrible. I would eat Hostess Twinkies and chocolate milk. I sat with a couple of other geeky smart girls, not at the "popular" table. I wasn't athletic, and lived with the embarrassment of PE class, where everyone knew I couldn't serve a volleyball and could hardly dribble a basketball.
So did I feel exiled? Yeah, I guess so. It may have been self imposed - probably was, to a good degree, but it was real nonetheless.
And the relationship with food? Not healthy. Food was a friend, a comforter, a soothing presence. My eating (up until the past year) had nothing at all to do with nutrition or hunger. It was all about emotion.
My first sneak eating was when I was about 6 years old. I remember being home from school with my dad - he must have been on a night shift. I snuck into the kitchen and took slice after slice of plain bread, smashed them into little balls, and ate them before I went back into the livign room to watch TV. At that point in time, I was about 20 lbs. overweight (a lot for a 6 year old). By age 11, I hoarded chocolate in my bedroom drawers.
My first diet was about age 8. My mom took me to a "diet doctor." He gave me diet pills, which I think were mainly laxatives. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell my dad. The pills didn't work. One week I gained 2 pounds and the nurse told me I was a "bad girl." My mom was a perpetual dieter - hard boiled eggs and grapefruit were her staple foods. Diets were definitely virtuous. And because I was fat, I definitely needed to be "fixed."
Was I self medicating with food? Yeah, probably. It was my way to cope with not having a lot of friends, having an oppressively overprotective mother, with my dad's early death, with later sexual abuse, with living on the "wrong" side of town, and with the crap of life in general.
Still, I did see some good qualities in myself. I was a geeky smart kid in school, and took refuge in doing well in my classes. I also saw myself as optimistic and still view this as a good quality. I didn't ever feel like I "deserved" to be socially part of things, though, and kept to myself a lot all the way through high school. I had few good friends, although I knew a lot of people. Lunchtime was horrible. I would eat Hostess Twinkies and chocolate milk. I sat with a couple of other geeky smart girls, not at the "popular" table. I wasn't athletic, and lived with the embarrassment of PE class, where everyone knew I couldn't serve a volleyball and could hardly dribble a basketball.
So did I feel exiled? Yeah, I guess so. It may have been self imposed - probably was, to a good degree, but it was real nonetheless.
And the relationship with food? Not healthy. Food was a friend, a comforter, a soothing presence. My eating (up until the past year) had nothing at all to do with nutrition or hunger. It was all about emotion.
hi everyone,
my sneak eating began in my own home, i had to get up at 5am to make my husbands lunch before he went to work and i would eat a taskykake. when someone was home i would go to the kitchen and eat by the trashcan so i could get rid of the evidence.i don't know if it was boredom or loneliness. if no one is paying attention to you ,you get bored right?
Do i see good qualities in myself? the answer is NO. i still feel unworthy of even friendship. which is why i usually still lurk instead of posting here. I realized i follow everyone else here on the forum. i read the post several times a day. but feel like (who would want to here from me).i was a fat kid and my made fun of every single day of my life.Even teachers would make fun of me in the classroom. who could love me enough to want to spen time with me.
As far as dieting no Ididn't diet as a kid. and as an adult i never told anyone if i did because then others would notice my failures.
Do i feel exiled in my own life?YES and while it is an I DID THIS TO ME kind of think it still hurts.
Food still is my friend it is just one that doesn't visit so often. whith this weight loss i hope my old friend has a good life without me. maybe i is like breaking up with a friend. only this time it will be me doing the leaving
cheryl
my sneak eating began in my own home, i had to get up at 5am to make my husbands lunch before he went to work and i would eat a taskykake. when someone was home i would go to the kitchen and eat by the trashcan so i could get rid of the evidence.i don't know if it was boredom or loneliness. if no one is paying attention to you ,you get bored right?
Do i see good qualities in myself? the answer is NO. i still feel unworthy of even friendship. which is why i usually still lurk instead of posting here. I realized i follow everyone else here on the forum. i read the post several times a day. but feel like (who would want to here from me).i was a fat kid and my made fun of every single day of my life.Even teachers would make fun of me in the classroom. who could love me enough to want to spen time with me.
As far as dieting no Ididn't diet as a kid. and as an adult i never told anyone if i did because then others would notice my failures.
Do i feel exiled in my own life?YES and while it is an I DID THIS TO ME kind of think it still hurts.
Food still is my friend it is just one that doesn't visit so often. whith this weight loss i hope my old friend has a good life without me. maybe i is like breaking up with a friend. only this time it will be me doing the leaving
cheryl
Cheryl,
To look into ourselves to grow can be very hard but it can be done. Ru Paul always ends his shows with the tag line "If you Don't Love yourself How in the Hell can you love anyone else". This is so true.
You will find friendship here on theboard and at meetings. I have found the love of my life at the support group and not to mention a sea of friends that I can not imagine my life without them. Certain ones are my choosen family at this point.
Believe in yourself you can do it!
As far as friends I like you alot and like that we have had a chance to talk at the support group meetings. Take baby steps and soon you will be running with us!
Hugs to you my FRIEND!
To look into ourselves to grow can be very hard but it can be done. Ru Paul always ends his shows with the tag line "If you Don't Love yourself How in the Hell can you love anyone else". This is so true.
You will find friendship here on theboard and at meetings. I have found the love of my life at the support group and not to mention a sea of friends that I can not imagine my life without them. Certain ones are my choosen family at this point.
Believe in yourself you can do it!
As far as friends I like you alot and like that we have had a chance to talk at the support group meetings. Take baby steps and soon you will be running with us!
Hugs to you my FRIEND!
Do you remember a favorite food that was your "transport to Heaven"? Were you a sneak eater? When did this begin for you?
I had many favorite foods so that list is long...I did sneak eat mostly after school I was home alone once my parents separated so I would stop at the deli or Wendy and come home with my treasures and gorge. I was always overweight but high school got worse.
Did you ever consciously use food to self-medicate? That is, to ease or avoid the pain of everyday life? As you look back from where you are today, do you recognize that you did this - but maybe you didn't recognize it at the time?
I was a classic self medicater with the food it was comfort for me when everyone else was going on dates and had alife.
Did you receive messages from your parents that dieting was virtuous? Were any of you put on diets by your mom or dad? When did you go on your first diet?
They never put me on a diet but my father beat me down by telling me I was fat and Thought I should lose weight. Yet they didn't promote any type of healthy eating. I used to long for a different type of family life.
Were you able to see good qualities in yourself...to see yourself as a lovely person, a kind person, a worthwhile person....even when you were at your heaviest? Or was your opinion of yourself more negative because of your obesity?
There were times I did think I was OK but most times I thought I am just the fat friend side kick that was a last resort. I never had a big circle of friends and knew I was excluded from things in school with other girls and it hurt. So I just shut down I then clung to my cousins and their friends they did include me in things but it took me losing weight to secure my own long term circle of friends. I do have my best friend still from childhood and she has always accepted me for me.
How did obesity impact your sense of belonging...in your family, with your circle of peers, in your work, in the world?
I was always the fattest in my family and within my friends circle. I always looked in the ROoM to see if I was the fattest and sadly most times I was so while I become at ease in time I was shy or withdrawn which many took as I was rude but deep down I was afraid of being called out on being fat.
Have you ever feel "exiled" within your own life?
Many times and it was my own doing to do think but I was given a chance to make my life on my own terms before it was too late.
What have you learned about your relationship with food?
I love food even today and used it to feed emotions in good times and in bad times. I am an addict and times I still slip and turn to food to sooth the pain. Yet I am learning to talk things out rather then eat through the pain.
I had many favorite foods so that list is long...I did sneak eat mostly after school I was home alone once my parents separated so I would stop at the deli or Wendy and come home with my treasures and gorge. I was always overweight but high school got worse.
Did you ever consciously use food to self-medicate? That is, to ease or avoid the pain of everyday life? As you look back from where you are today, do you recognize that you did this - but maybe you didn't recognize it at the time?
I was a classic self medicater with the food it was comfort for me when everyone else was going on dates and had alife.
Did you receive messages from your parents that dieting was virtuous? Were any of you put on diets by your mom or dad? When did you go on your first diet?
They never put me on a diet but my father beat me down by telling me I was fat and Thought I should lose weight. Yet they didn't promote any type of healthy eating. I used to long for a different type of family life.
Were you able to see good qualities in yourself...to see yourself as a lovely person, a kind person, a worthwhile person....even when you were at your heaviest? Or was your opinion of yourself more negative because of your obesity?
There were times I did think I was OK but most times I thought I am just the fat friend side kick that was a last resort. I never had a big circle of friends and knew I was excluded from things in school with other girls and it hurt. So I just shut down I then clung to my cousins and their friends they did include me in things but it took me losing weight to secure my own long term circle of friends. I do have my best friend still from childhood and she has always accepted me for me.
How did obesity impact your sense of belonging...in your family, with your circle of peers, in your work, in the world?
I was always the fattest in my family and within my friends circle. I always looked in the ROoM to see if I was the fattest and sadly most times I was so while I become at ease in time I was shy or withdrawn which many took as I was rude but deep down I was afraid of being called out on being fat.
Have you ever feel "exiled" within your own life?
Many times and it was my own doing to do think but I was given a chance to make my life on my own terms before it was too late.
What have you learned about your relationship with food?
I love food even today and used it to feed emotions in good times and in bad times. I am an addict and times I still slip and turn to food to sooth the pain. Yet I am learning to talk things out rather then eat through the pain.
Lynn,
I don't have the book yet, but I have read this post several times and realized that I need to put in my two cents about this.
My bad eating habits began at an early age. I was a VERY picky eater and would eat only certain things. My mother catered to these picky eating habits, although she did try to offer me healthier options, but I refused. I remember one time when my mother put jelly on my peanut butter sandwich without telling me. I got so upset that I broke out in hives!! As I got a bit older and in school, I was a latch key kid. I came home for lunch everyday, fed myself whatever I wanted for lunch which was usually a peanut butter sandwich, chips, soda or juice and then something sweet to end the meal. My mom was a fantastic baker and cook! She always had goodies in the house. My dad was no help either because he would go out and buy tastycakes all the time, which would make my mom furious because she was such a good baker. My sneak food was chocolate or sweets of any kind. Right across the street from my elementary school was a candy store which sold all kinds of candy for a penny ( a penny, can you believe that? I guess I am showing my age now!) I would collect coins where ever I could and walk there after school and get my daily grub. My best friend at the time and I would spend every Saturday together. We would go to Synogogue in the morning, go to BK right afterward, stop off at another local candy shop and gorge ourselves the rest of the day.
Her house was also a house of excess as well. I couldn't get away from it if I tried!!
I remember the neighborhood kids calling me names because of my weight and not letting me be part of the "group". I was never picked for teams at school. I remember being in Jr high and being on a diet every other day. My big escape there was SUZY Q's. OMG!! Chocolate spongecake with gobs of icing inside of it....I feel a diabetic coma coming on!!
When I got to HS, it was more of the same. I found my own group of friends through choir and band. That is where my whole career started for me. They never judged me. People outside of the music geeks were very different. At that point I was overweight, but not obese. That happened in college. Could not have happened at a worse time! I did everything I could to avoid going to the student center or I would go at off times and stock up for the day. I had many friends who were boys, but no one who was interested in me in a romantic or boyfriend/girlfriend type of way. I remember the nasty comments by the "jocks" at the college. I hated them for that!! My roommates at college where also nasty. In my junior year I got my own room and I was so happy for that.
After college I did slim down a bit. Then after I got married and life began to throw curve balls is when I started to gain weight again. I was so impulsive about eating. If I wanted something and it wasn't at home, I would stop off to buy it. Go home and proceed to eat it until it was gone. Still a chocoholic and food junkie, my eating habits were alot more diverse then when I was younger. I think at that point it was out of control. I always felt out of the loop, always lonely, and always the heaviest person in the room. I never saw anything good in me except for when I began in music and really began to flourish as a musician. It was my outlet and a way to meet some great people who saw me for me and not for my weight! When I was at my heaviest, I felt worthless except to my hubby and daughter. All I saw was my weight. I was so unhappy and definitely unhealthy.
It is incredible how life situations as well as environments that we grew up in shape us into what we become as adults. For years, I blamed my mom for all of my issues with weight. I realize now that I am the one who created the monster and set it free. I am in control of my life, my eating, and know the signals to look for when life throws those curve balls....
Sorry I went a little long with this. It really hit a chord with me and had to post...
Beth
I don't have the book yet, but I have read this post several times and realized that I need to put in my two cents about this.
My bad eating habits began at an early age. I was a VERY picky eater and would eat only certain things. My mother catered to these picky eating habits, although she did try to offer me healthier options, but I refused. I remember one time when my mother put jelly on my peanut butter sandwich without telling me. I got so upset that I broke out in hives!! As I got a bit older and in school, I was a latch key kid. I came home for lunch everyday, fed myself whatever I wanted for lunch which was usually a peanut butter sandwich, chips, soda or juice and then something sweet to end the meal. My mom was a fantastic baker and cook! She always had goodies in the house. My dad was no help either because he would go out and buy tastycakes all the time, which would make my mom furious because she was such a good baker. My sneak food was chocolate or sweets of any kind. Right across the street from my elementary school was a candy store which sold all kinds of candy for a penny ( a penny, can you believe that? I guess I am showing my age now!) I would collect coins where ever I could and walk there after school and get my daily grub. My best friend at the time and I would spend every Saturday together. We would go to Synogogue in the morning, go to BK right afterward, stop off at another local candy shop and gorge ourselves the rest of the day.
Her house was also a house of excess as well. I couldn't get away from it if I tried!!
I remember the neighborhood kids calling me names because of my weight and not letting me be part of the "group". I was never picked for teams at school. I remember being in Jr high and being on a diet every other day. My big escape there was SUZY Q's. OMG!! Chocolate spongecake with gobs of icing inside of it....I feel a diabetic coma coming on!!
When I got to HS, it was more of the same. I found my own group of friends through choir and band. That is where my whole career started for me. They never judged me. People outside of the music geeks were very different. At that point I was overweight, but not obese. That happened in college. Could not have happened at a worse time! I did everything I could to avoid going to the student center or I would go at off times and stock up for the day. I had many friends who were boys, but no one who was interested in me in a romantic or boyfriend/girlfriend type of way. I remember the nasty comments by the "jocks" at the college. I hated them for that!! My roommates at college where also nasty. In my junior year I got my own room and I was so happy for that.
After college I did slim down a bit. Then after I got married and life began to throw curve balls is when I started to gain weight again. I was so impulsive about eating. If I wanted something and it wasn't at home, I would stop off to buy it. Go home and proceed to eat it until it was gone. Still a chocoholic and food junkie, my eating habits were alot more diverse then when I was younger. I think at that point it was out of control. I always felt out of the loop, always lonely, and always the heaviest person in the room. I never saw anything good in me except for when I began in music and really began to flourish as a musician. It was my outlet and a way to meet some great people who saw me for me and not for my weight! When I was at my heaviest, I felt worthless except to my hubby and daughter. All I saw was my weight. I was so unhappy and definitely unhealthy.
It is incredible how life situations as well as environments that we grew up in shape us into what we become as adults. For years, I blamed my mom for all of my issues with weight. I realize now that I am the one who created the monster and set it free. I am in control of my life, my eating, and know the signals to look for when life throws those curve balls....
Sorry I went a little long with this. It really hit a chord with me and had to post...
Beth
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