Two years ago today my life changed ( a lil long!)
Good morning!!
Well two years ago today I was being wheeled into Barix for my RNY with Dr. Pupkova. I was just over 300 lbs and extremely miserable in my skin and my body. I was in a complete downward spiral emotionally and physically. It was the hardest thing in the world to admit to myself that I was in fact morbidly obese--that I had let food control me through my emotional overeating. It was even harder still to admit that i needed the surgery and the tool to help me lose weight and get healthy once more.
But when i went to the meeting at Barix and met Dr. P I knew it was the place for me and it was the right time and the right decison for me. Two years later I am down 165 lbs...and feel sooooooo much better! I know longer wake up feeling like a 100 year old lady with a bad back, bad knees, bad hips, ...I no longer get winded running up and down a flight of stairs. I can stand for longer periods of time and have more motivation and energy to work out. I can go to the park and walk the rocky uphill trails with ease...life is better on the "losers" bench that is for sure!!!
But it was also a wake up call for me to start to focus on my emotional and spiritual well being..at some point I had just let go of me and did not want to take care of myself or deal with myself. Now I do. Now I take time for myself...If I am stressed out I will take a few minutes and meditate or take a walk instead of feeding my stress or anxieties or boredom with food. Food was a comfort and yet it was a prison for me...it kept me cooped up in my hoouse ..ashamed of who I was and what I had become...I don't ever want to live like that again.
And it wasnt just about the weight..the weight was a symptom of the inner turmoil I was going thru but with the weight loss came a loss of a different sort..I lost my coping mechanism of relying on food so I had to grow new skills and strategies to deal with life and what a learning experience that has been and continues to be! But I would not trade it for the world because in the end I know I can deal with all life's emotional turmoils and joys without using food as my only comfort. I will always be a food addict..it is something I live with everyday and unlike other addictions...you can't quit food cold turkey but you can structure your life and your way of dealing with food so that you look at it as merely the tool we use to nourish oourselves with..not the thing that will make us feel better at the end of a bad day.
Do I miss eating with abandon..all sugar and sweets and carbs and icecream?????? Well sometimes but you know what I tell myself --I tell myself I ate enough of that stuff to last me a lifetime and the food I can eat now fills me, nourishes me and makes me feel good ...in a way that eating never did before. Before the RNY food never filled me because I was trying to fill an emotional void...not my hunger. Now i feed only my hunger not my emotional well being and it is absolute freedom. I am free from the chains that held me before.
It is not about being thin (although it is nice to fit in to smaller clothes!! :-) This journey is about so much more than I could ever have imagined. It is about finding an inner strength I forgot I had and finding my self after burying her for so long.
This journey is about coming out from the darkeness--you are a little disoriented by all the gleaming radiance of the light surrounding you but then you feel the warmth on your face and embracing the light and walking out stronger and full of longing for life.
I tell people who are looking o have the surgery--it isn't an easy journey but it is a journey worth taking it will bring you so much joy even with bumps along the way because you will discover youurself in ways you never thought possible.
I am so thankful and aprreciative to have been given this gift--a second chance at life! I am so grateful for all the people here on OH (LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!) and all the wonderful people at Barix who helped me and of course I am beyond thankful grateful and eternally appreciative of my surgeon Dr. P --she is an angel and a life saver I can not say enough about how safe and secure she made me feel. I can not express how grateful I am for being able to come here and have this support and wonderful group of friends. It has been an amazing two years--I am looking forward to many many more!!!!!
Much luv!!
Laura
Well two years ago today I was being wheeled into Barix for my RNY with Dr. Pupkova. I was just over 300 lbs and extremely miserable in my skin and my body. I was in a complete downward spiral emotionally and physically. It was the hardest thing in the world to admit to myself that I was in fact morbidly obese--that I had let food control me through my emotional overeating. It was even harder still to admit that i needed the surgery and the tool to help me lose weight and get healthy once more.
But when i went to the meeting at Barix and met Dr. P I knew it was the place for me and it was the right time and the right decison for me. Two years later I am down 165 lbs...and feel sooooooo much better! I know longer wake up feeling like a 100 year old lady with a bad back, bad knees, bad hips, ...I no longer get winded running up and down a flight of stairs. I can stand for longer periods of time and have more motivation and energy to work out. I can go to the park and walk the rocky uphill trails with ease...life is better on the "losers" bench that is for sure!!!
But it was also a wake up call for me to start to focus on my emotional and spiritual well being..at some point I had just let go of me and did not want to take care of myself or deal with myself. Now I do. Now I take time for myself...If I am stressed out I will take a few minutes and meditate or take a walk instead of feeding my stress or anxieties or boredom with food. Food was a comfort and yet it was a prison for me...it kept me cooped up in my hoouse ..ashamed of who I was and what I had become...I don't ever want to live like that again.
And it wasnt just about the weight..the weight was a symptom of the inner turmoil I was going thru but with the weight loss came a loss of a different sort..I lost my coping mechanism of relying on food so I had to grow new skills and strategies to deal with life and what a learning experience that has been and continues to be! But I would not trade it for the world because in the end I know I can deal with all life's emotional turmoils and joys without using food as my only comfort. I will always be a food addict..it is something I live with everyday and unlike other addictions...you can't quit food cold turkey but you can structure your life and your way of dealing with food so that you look at it as merely the tool we use to nourish oourselves with..not the thing that will make us feel better at the end of a bad day.
Do I miss eating with abandon..all sugar and sweets and carbs and icecream?????? Well sometimes but you know what I tell myself --I tell myself I ate enough of that stuff to last me a lifetime and the food I can eat now fills me, nourishes me and makes me feel good ...in a way that eating never did before. Before the RNY food never filled me because I was trying to fill an emotional void...not my hunger. Now i feed only my hunger not my emotional well being and it is absolute freedom. I am free from the chains that held me before.
It is not about being thin (although it is nice to fit in to smaller clothes!! :-) This journey is about so much more than I could ever have imagined. It is about finding an inner strength I forgot I had and finding my self after burying her for so long.
This journey is about coming out from the darkeness--you are a little disoriented by all the gleaming radiance of the light surrounding you but then you feel the warmth on your face and embracing the light and walking out stronger and full of longing for life.
I tell people who are looking o have the surgery--it isn't an easy journey but it is a journey worth taking it will bring you so much joy even with bumps along the way because you will discover youurself in ways you never thought possible.
I am so thankful and aprreciative to have been given this gift--a second chance at life! I am so grateful for all the people here on OH (LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!) and all the wonderful people at Barix who helped me and of course I am beyond thankful grateful and eternally appreciative of my surgeon Dr. P --she is an angel and a life saver I can not say enough about how safe and secure she made me feel. I can not express how grateful I am for being able to come here and have this support and wonderful group of friends. It has been an amazing two years--I am looking forward to many many more!!!!!
Much luv!!
Laura
Laura
"Two roads diverged in a wood..and I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost
Over 176+ lbs lost since surgery!! :-)
See my profile for my OH Blog!!
Laura,
What a beautiful post! You have done a tremendous job and it shows girl! Congrats on your 2 years of successing! Here's to many more
What a beautiful post! You have done a tremendous job and it shows girl! Congrats on your 2 years of successing! Here's to many more
-Shilpa
People comment on my over 100 pound weight loss and attribute it to my WILLpower, but it is my WANTpower: I WANT to be thin and healthy more than anything else!
Laura,
Congratulations on your journey! Thanks for posting this very inspirational look into your mind and soul!
This journey is about coming out from the darkeness--you are a little disoriented by all the gleaming radiance of the light surrounding you but then you feel the warmth on your face and embracing the light and walking out stronger and full of longing for life.
What beautiful imagery!
Thanks
Swede
Congratulations on your journey! Thanks for posting this very inspirational look into your mind and soul!
This journey is about coming out from the darkeness--you are a little disoriented by all the gleaming radiance of the light surrounding you but then you feel the warmth on your face and embracing the light and walking out stronger and full of longing for life.
What beautiful imagery!
Thanks
Swede
HW=400 SW=383 CW=252 GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!! Pounds Lost =148
Laura,
Congrats on your two year surgiversary. On June 3rd I will be at my one year surgiversary. As I read your post, you wrote alot of my feelings as if you were in my head! It is amazing how much we change and grow with this process. Dr. P was my surgeon as well and I am so grateful to her for saving my life as well!! I am also dealing with finding other ways to deal with stress, boredom, or whatever without running to food. I guess it will be something I struggle with for the rest of my life. Having the support of OH and the Barix support group has really helped. It is nice to know that we are not alone....
Thanks for sharing
Beth
Congrats on your two year surgiversary. On June 3rd I will be at my one year surgiversary. As I read your post, you wrote alot of my feelings as if you were in my head! It is amazing how much we change and grow with this process. Dr. P was my surgeon as well and I am so grateful to her for saving my life as well!! I am also dealing with finding other ways to deal with stress, boredom, or whatever without running to food. I guess it will be something I struggle with for the rest of my life. Having the support of OH and the Barix support group has really helped. It is nice to know that we are not alone....
Thanks for sharing
Beth
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