Food vs. sustenance - Sharing from a friend's blog
Below is a copied entry from my good friend's blog. She is an internist who works with hospice patients, and was a key person in helping me come to my decision to have WLS. Her words helped me think a lot about the difference between what sustains us - spiritually, emotionally, deeply - is very different from the food that sustains us physically. (For clarification: my friend is a practicing Jew, which gives a little conext to how her post begins and ends).
Praise The Eternal, who is good....who gives sustenance to all of flesh (Psalm 136, the Great Hallel)
This morning we paused after we chanted Psalm 136, and the Rabbi repeated one line: who gives sustenance to all of flesh. What is sustenance? she asked. Sustenance is what feeds our heart.
What feeds our heart.
Food is a complex and difficult issue for me, as it is for so many of us. Sam and I struggle with our own eating habits and simultaneously try to help Eve develop a healthier relationship with food and with her body. Every parent has a middle-of-the-night fear; mine is that my beautiful perfectionist daughter, already aware of her shape and her slimness and the way clothes fit her, will come to believe that food is her enemy and that being fat is worse than being dead.
That's the middle of the night; in daylight I am shopping and cooking with Sam and negotiating with Eve - no, you don't have to eat the meal Mommy and Daddy are eating and you can make something else for yourself with protein, but that doesn't mean you can have a bagel with cream cheese for dinner. Yes, you need to eat some of those carrots. No, we're not having ground beef for every dinner and yes, sometimes we will ask you to eat chicken or salmon even if that's not what you're in the mood for right now. And do you realize what a privilege it is to have a refrigerator full of food, even if you don't think there's anything in there you want to eat?
Eat, but not too much. Eat what you want, but don't eat that. Respect your friends and their families, but don't expect to have that kind of junk food in our house. I bite back the judgments and instructions that fill my head and let her make as many choices as possible. So far, Eve seems to be doing fine with the physical sustenance. I sure hope we're feeding her heart.
For years I also had those conversations with patients: eat regularly but don't eat fat/sodium/wheat/foods with purines. Don't eat too much. Don't eat right before bed. Lose weight, but don't starve yourself. Exercise, but don't hurt yourself. And yes, I know you barely have enough money to feed your kids, let alone buy fresh organic produce for yourself, which would require time that you don't have to chop and cook, and storage space that doesn't exist in your apartment.
Praise The Eternal, who gives sustenance to all flesh. Who feeds our heart. How can we feed the hungry hearts and bodies around us?
One of the things I love about hospice work is that now, when my patients say they want ice cream, all I have to say is "what flavor"? My patients are dying. They get to eat what they want, when they want it. Milkshake? Sure. Chocolate pudding? Absolutely. Pancakes? Let me get that for you. Ham and cheese with potato chips and pickles? We'll have to order that from the deli down the street; give us an hour.
And then they stop eating. They're not hungry. They can't swallow. They can't stand the sight of food. Please, don't make me eat that. It is our instinct to feed the ones we love, to tempt and cajole and urge and plead. She has to eat to get her strength back. And when families accept that strength isn't coming back, that the road is only headed in one direction, they struggle. We can't let her starve.
Praise the Eternal, who is good...who gives sustenance to all flesh.
As death approaches, our flesh rejects food. Ice cream sticks and burns and can't be absorbed. Swallowing juice is painful and causes choking spasms. Even the effort to suck up on a straw is exhausting. As difficult as it is to put down the spoon, that is what we need to do when we love someone who says "please don't make me eat that".
We can put down the food and still act as the Eternal does, to give sustenance. Sustenance is what feeds our heart. Nurturing doesn't have to include food. I nurture Eve when I help her learn what her body needs. I nurture myself with a hot shower, an hour with my feet up reading a book, a long talk with a friend. My patients are nurtured by a soft pillow, a hand to hold, a cool compress, the sound of beloved voices. My values are nurtured when I support the local organic farmers and food banks.
Praise the Eternal, who is good, and pray that we, who are made in God's image, can give sustenance.
Praise The Eternal, who is good....who gives sustenance to all of flesh (Psalm 136, the Great Hallel)
This morning we paused after we chanted Psalm 136, and the Rabbi repeated one line: who gives sustenance to all of flesh. What is sustenance? she asked. Sustenance is what feeds our heart.
What feeds our heart.
Food is a complex and difficult issue for me, as it is for so many of us. Sam and I struggle with our own eating habits and simultaneously try to help Eve develop a healthier relationship with food and with her body. Every parent has a middle-of-the-night fear; mine is that my beautiful perfectionist daughter, already aware of her shape and her slimness and the way clothes fit her, will come to believe that food is her enemy and that being fat is worse than being dead.
That's the middle of the night; in daylight I am shopping and cooking with Sam and negotiating with Eve - no, you don't have to eat the meal Mommy and Daddy are eating and you can make something else for yourself with protein, but that doesn't mean you can have a bagel with cream cheese for dinner. Yes, you need to eat some of those carrots. No, we're not having ground beef for every dinner and yes, sometimes we will ask you to eat chicken or salmon even if that's not what you're in the mood for right now. And do you realize what a privilege it is to have a refrigerator full of food, even if you don't think there's anything in there you want to eat?
Eat, but not too much. Eat what you want, but don't eat that. Respect your friends and their families, but don't expect to have that kind of junk food in our house. I bite back the judgments and instructions that fill my head and let her make as many choices as possible. So far, Eve seems to be doing fine with the physical sustenance. I sure hope we're feeding her heart.
For years I also had those conversations with patients: eat regularly but don't eat fat/sodium/wheat/foods with purines. Don't eat too much. Don't eat right before bed. Lose weight, but don't starve yourself. Exercise, but don't hurt yourself. And yes, I know you barely have enough money to feed your kids, let alone buy fresh organic produce for yourself, which would require time that you don't have to chop and cook, and storage space that doesn't exist in your apartment.
Praise The Eternal, who gives sustenance to all flesh. Who feeds our heart. How can we feed the hungry hearts and bodies around us?
One of the things I love about hospice work is that now, when my patients say they want ice cream, all I have to say is "what flavor"? My patients are dying. They get to eat what they want, when they want it. Milkshake? Sure. Chocolate pudding? Absolutely. Pancakes? Let me get that for you. Ham and cheese with potato chips and pickles? We'll have to order that from the deli down the street; give us an hour.
And then they stop eating. They're not hungry. They can't swallow. They can't stand the sight of food. Please, don't make me eat that. It is our instinct to feed the ones we love, to tempt and cajole and urge and plead. She has to eat to get her strength back. And when families accept that strength isn't coming back, that the road is only headed in one direction, they struggle. We can't let her starve.
Praise the Eternal, who is good...who gives sustenance to all flesh.
As death approaches, our flesh rejects food. Ice cream sticks and burns and can't be absorbed. Swallowing juice is painful and causes choking spasms. Even the effort to suck up on a straw is exhausting. As difficult as it is to put down the spoon, that is what we need to do when we love someone who says "please don't make me eat that".
We can put down the food and still act as the Eternal does, to give sustenance. Sustenance is what feeds our heart. Nurturing doesn't have to include food. I nurture Eve when I help her learn what her body needs. I nurture myself with a hot shower, an hour with my feet up reading a book, a long talk with a friend. My patients are nurtured by a soft pillow, a hand to hold, a cool compress, the sound of beloved voices. My values are nurtured when I support the local organic farmers and food banks.
Praise the Eternal, who is good, and pray that we, who are made in God's image, can give sustenance.
Karen, I've read this about 5 times now, and it still strikes me deeply. It reminds me of searching for the right key to open a door. Sometimes you find an unlabeled key, and it goes into the lock just fine....but then it won't turn. That's how it is when we seek spiritual or emotional sustanence, but try to fill it with food. All these years...the key just wouldn't turn in the lock.
And I agree, it is a beautifully written piece, and let my friend know I thought so!
And I agree, it is a beautifully written piece, and let my friend know I thought so!
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