Darned Addict Brain
Hey Karen,
Reading through your entry it seems as though you are able to recognize where your problems are and you can take a step back and really examine your motivations and reasons for failure. So for that I applaud you! Well done! Its not an easy thing to do. So as far as the "advice" section of my post here is what I can offer. I know you mentioned eating according to plan and ONLY according to plan. I actually have every faith that you can do this, but it seems to me that the area you failed in was actually making a plan. I think you may have been just throwing stuff together to cover your bases but not actually thinking "how much will I need" and then only packing that much. The better the plan the easier it is to follow and success at.
That's all I have to say about that!
Swede
Reading through your entry it seems as though you are able to recognize where your problems are and you can take a step back and really examine your motivations and reasons for failure. So for that I applaud you! Well done! Its not an easy thing to do. So as far as the "advice" section of my post here is what I can offer. I know you mentioned eating according to plan and ONLY according to plan. I actually have every faith that you can do this, but it seems to me that the area you failed in was actually making a plan. I think you may have been just throwing stuff together to cover your bases but not actually thinking "how much will I need" and then only packing that much. The better the plan the easier it is to follow and success at.
That's all I have to say about that!
Swede
HW=400 SW=383 CW=252 GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!! Pounds Lost =148
Swede,
You are a very wise man, and I know that you're going to do spectacularly with your own journey.
You're right in that the key was "only" packing what I would actually need. The problem is that addict-brain thinking gets in the way of that. Rationally, I knew I would only be gone for 4 days (less, actually)... but the addict-brain goes into panic mode because it's afraid it might be deprived of a "fix" it wants during that time and insists that I need to pack both the pistachios AND the cereal mix for multiple days because "you never know which one you're going to want." And frankly, it's not like Boston doesn't have food or food stores (in fact, I knew darned well there was one right outside my hotel). I could easily have not packed anything other than my protein powder and gotten everything I needed while I was there. BUT... compulsive addict-brain wouldn't allow that type of rational thinking. When it gets in control, rational thinking goes out the window and compulsive eating thinking takes over.
Having said that... I managed to come back with MOST of my over-packed snacks intact.
What scares the hell out of me is when I KNOW I'm acting compulsively and against my best interests, but can't stop doing it anyway. At least I've managed to limit the damage by sticking to healthier choices and smaller portions than in the past, but this was a BIG wakeup call as to just how out of control of this monster I can really be. I see my "addict-brain" as a monster, and one that's waking up and starting to fight back now that it's feeling threatened. The key is to realize that it's a controllable monster - not one that will ever go away completely, but one that can be caged, hopefully.
Anyway, thanks for your thought-provoking comments - they really helped clarify these things for me.
Karen
You are a very wise man, and I know that you're going to do spectacularly with your own journey.
You're right in that the key was "only" packing what I would actually need. The problem is that addict-brain thinking gets in the way of that. Rationally, I knew I would only be gone for 4 days (less, actually)... but the addict-brain goes into panic mode because it's afraid it might be deprived of a "fix" it wants during that time and insists that I need to pack both the pistachios AND the cereal mix for multiple days because "you never know which one you're going to want." And frankly, it's not like Boston doesn't have food or food stores (in fact, I knew darned well there was one right outside my hotel). I could easily have not packed anything other than my protein powder and gotten everything I needed while I was there. BUT... compulsive addict-brain wouldn't allow that type of rational thinking. When it gets in control, rational thinking goes out the window and compulsive eating thinking takes over.
Having said that... I managed to come back with MOST of my over-packed snacks intact.
What scares the hell out of me is when I KNOW I'm acting compulsively and against my best interests, but can't stop doing it anyway. At least I've managed to limit the damage by sticking to healthier choices and smaller portions than in the past, but this was a BIG wakeup call as to just how out of control of this monster I can really be. I see my "addict-brain" as a monster, and one that's waking up and starting to fight back now that it's feeling threatened. The key is to realize that it's a controllable monster - not one that will ever go away completely, but one that can be caged, hopefully.
Anyway, thanks for your thought-provoking comments - they really helped clarify these things for me.
Karen
THank you all so much for your loving and strong support. Knowing that I'm not alone in this keeps me in a much better place head-wise... I don't feel nearly as much of a "fraud" when I recognize that this is a part of the journey that is somewhat "expected."
Today I'm doing full liquids all day, but will have a salmon burger over greens for dinner. I'm going to try that for a few days and work on getting it back together.
I'm banishing SF "treats" (chocolate, in particular) for now, at least until I can get my head together. I think that's an area where I really let myself get off-track and when I'm fighting cravings for something that I don't have, that should be a pretty powerful warning about that food as a trigger.
One meal at a time.
Peace.
Karen
Today I'm doing full liquids all day, but will have a salmon burger over greens for dinner. I'm going to try that for a few days and work on getting it back together.
I'm banishing SF "treats" (chocolate, in particular) for now, at least until I can get my head together. I think that's an area where I really let myself get off-track and when I'm fighting cravings for something that I don't have, that should be a pretty powerful warning about that food as a trigger.
One meal at a time.
Peace.
Karen
Karen thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and struggles. You are an amazing person. I too am at that point where I am starting to fight with the snacking and wrong choices and eating too much. I really found that hard to imagine in the first year but here I am. It does help to know that this is a normal part of the journey. We can do this because we lean on each other for guidance and support. You will be in my thoughts.
Karen,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. This is exactly what I was talking about at my two year that after the first year the real work starts. Your head starts to fight with as I call them Carb Monster and Sugar Demon. They are a tough force they like to battle us some days they will the fight in my case but I will not let them win the war.
I really believe that is why support on any form is so vital for us to stay on track. No one will fault you if you have a bad day,week or even month. We are going to tell you what you need to hear or we will just listen to you get your feelings out. We have all been there in one way or another so we can do what it is you need at the moment.
You are strong and determined you will win the WAR!
Thank you for sharing your struggle. This is exactly what I was talking about at my two year that after the first year the real work starts. Your head starts to fight with as I call them Carb Monster and Sugar Demon. They are a tough force they like to battle us some days they will the fight in my case but I will not let them win the war.
I really believe that is why support on any form is so vital for us to stay on track. No one will fault you if you have a bad day,week or even month. We are going to tell you what you need to hear or we will just listen to you get your feelings out. We have all been there in one way or another so we can do what it is you need at the moment.
You are strong and determined you will win the WAR!
Thanks for your honesty. It is an important message. After four years, I still have constant discussions with myself - one part of me trying to convince the other that it would be okay to eat a little of this, or a little (LOT) of that - and you know what - sometimes that side presents a pretty good arguement :)
We all need to be reminded that this is a part of the never-ending journey and I thank you for your eloquent post on this.
Lou
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